|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
4 February 2017
|"L'Etat, c'est moi!"
The Queen? No. PM Theresa and President Donald.
Oh just another week of deceptions and entitlement. Plus ça change.
The debate goes on unabated with regards to that state visit. American
presidents didn’t actually make a state visit until The Bush Boy, two years into
his presidency, Obama three years. So Little Britain was not top of the list for
that ‘special relationship’. But no president has bothered with the details or
demands. Clue: Little Britain. I’m thinking the Bush Boy asked: “Where am I?”
Obama looked bored. Hmmm. The cool dude image, not so effective here?
Let’s do seriously awkward. A few days after the death of Diana, the appalling
radio ‘shock jock’ Howard Stern had a conversation with The Donald. Be
prepared to be overcome with nausea. “Why do people think it’s egotistical of
you to say you could’ve gotten with Lady Di? You could’ve gotten her, right?
You could’ve nailed her.” Gotten? Nailed? Charming. Really charming. “I think I
could have” was The Donald’s reply. Three years previous, he told Howard he
would have slept with her “without hesitation”. Right. Can you just image Diana’s
response to his amorous attack? There’s more – there’s always more. In his
1997 The Art of the Comeback: “I only have one regret in the woman
department – that I never had the opportunity to court Lady Diana Spencer.” No
mention of ‘nailing’, but she was special enough to be included in ‘the
Naturally you remember his reaction when the French magazine published those
topless photos of Ex-Waity. “Who wouldn’t take Kate’s picture and make lots of
money if she does the nude sunbathing thing. Come on Kate.” You know he has
demanded tea with Wills and Ex-W. Are we to assume he’ll ask for signed
Naught, Naughty Nigel
Tell me again (and again) why Nigel (Farage) is still taking over the media? Why
is he given carte blanche to pontificate the lies he perpetuated about Brexit, the
lies he perpetuated about The Donald? Chin up, all puffed up, his little lizard
mouth – or is it a frog? moving up and down. Hmmm. He evidently is treated “like
a rock star in America”. Huh? Why? Some say because of Brexit. Really?
Well, naughty Nige has been caught with his hand in the till, and his wife’s as
well. Now who would have thought?
Nige, Paul Nuttall and six other Ukip MEPs are under investigation by the
European parliament for alleged misuse of funds, which could lead to repayment
demands totalling £500,000. Farage’s wife, Kirsten, is caught up in the
investigation because she was paid as an MEP assistant while running Nige’s
office for the national party. Yes, we are smiling.
Now we are grinning. The Mail on Sunday has revealed that Nige is sharing a
secret £4 million bachelor pad with ‘an old friend’. This old friend is an attractive
French politician at the centre of a probe into illegal funding of his party. Zut
Laure Ferrari moved into a grand Georgian house in Chelsea with Nige last
week. Nige told The Mail on Sunday he “knew her well” but was just helping her
out with somewhere to stay. Bien sûr. Oh that housing shortage. Does that
include hotels then? Nige explained he was giving Miss Ferrari “short-term help”
with her accommodation because she had nowhere else to go and needed
money. Other leg….
Miss Ferrari first met our Nige, “the man loves women” (observed a friend) a
decade ago when she was a waitress. He got her a job in the European
Parliament. Now she is the head of a think-tank accused of breaking rules by
diverting public money to Ukip when Nige was its leader. Are we loving this yet?
In June 2013, Miss Ferrari posted on Twitter a link to a newspaper feature
asking 'Why do more women want to bed Nigel Farage over David Cameron?'
Now we are.
Ukip is under investigation by the Electoral Commission watchdog for allegedly
taking a total of £400,000 in dodgy donations from the think-tank and an
affiliated political alliance, ahead of the General Election and the EU
referendum. Mon Dieu! His wife, his ‘house mate’ - oh Nige - dubious dealings.
‘HE’S LYING TO YOU’. Well, we already knew that, but the fun bit was that it
was written on a sign held up by Labour MEP representative for London, Seb
Dance. We loved the arrow pointing to the smug, supercilious, swaggering Nige
when he was evangelising uninterrupted on his soap box – per usual – in the EU
Parliament. Told you it was fun.
The European parliament has played a vital role in Ukip’s political success,
giving the Eurosceptic party a platform and funding it has never matched on the
domestic stage. Quelle surprise. Oh look. There’s Nige on telly again…
Lost the Will to Live
Just when you couldn’t despair any more over world events, the other week 22-
year-old Pateh Sabally from Gambia died in Venice. Ah Venice. Remember
when it was romantic, atmospheric, memorable? OK it’s been more than a few
years since it has lost its charm, giving over to indulging the massive influx of
tourists. A refuge, clearly not a tourist, was allowed to drown in the Grand Canal.
Supposedly several life rings were tossed into the water, but not only did no one
jump into save him, bystanders shouted racist remarks and encouragement:
“He's stupid! He wants to die!” “Go on, go back home (by swimming?)!” “Let him
die at this point.” And he did. It was decided that he wanted to die. He had a
permit to stay in Italy. He had travelled to Switzerland looking for work, but sent
back to Italy. Sigh. Disperare.
Share the Love
Beyonce’s pregnant with twins. NOOOO!!! REALLY!!!??? Rather than rant on
about the annoying announcement photos - Instagram’s most popular post in
history – (in history! How sad is that?) attracting over 7,400,000 likes and
360,000 comments – and counting – let’s instead consider the branding of her
five-year-old daughter by launching her own little line of products. Blue Ivy
products. Hmmm. Just thinking about the name. So if you were to say “Blue Ivy”
would you be saying ivy was blue? – the colour blue? Or would you be saying
little Ivy was blue – unhappy, depressed? Surely you are so anxious and
possibly desperate to know what you can buy from five-year-old Blue Ivy. So far
it has been suggested: hair care, clothing, mobile devices, video games, and
evidently so much more. How many Beyonce photo shoots are we going to be
privileged to view before the massively celebrated event? Hundreds? Can’t wait.