31 August 2011
1. The Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer

Like summer, the Silly Season is over having never really materialised. The
coldest summer since 1993. Not cold, simply not summer. Summer was in
April, like last year and the year before. We waited and waited and waited.
June, July, August. We winged and winged and winged. To no avail. The Silly
Season was highlighted by riots and looting. We’re not having fun are we? But
in the spirit of the month, I’ll do my best.

Former London mayor, Ken Livingstone, entered into the spirit with his analogy
of Churchill vs Hitler: he is naturally Churchill and London mayor Boris is Hitler.
Ken called the 2012 mayoral race as “a simple choice between good and evil”.
Oh Ken. Not a good mayoral move. He preferred biblical references to set the
record straight. “People that [sic] don’t vote for me will be weighed in the
balance come Judgement Day. The Archangel Gabriel will say, ‘You didn’t vote
for Ken Livingstone in 2012. Oh dear, burn for ever, your skin flayed for all
eternity.’ Truth in jest, fool Ken? Or a bit too much tipple at lunch?

Next: The headline read: BBC rocked by ‘socks in the fridge’ scandal. The
referenced fridge is shared by World at One, PM and the Today programme. A
mystery being alluded to as ‘sockgate’. A BBC producer emailed colleagues: “I
am genuinely sorry if the person doing this has a medical condition. I’m not
trying to be mean. Have you considered a coolbag? You can get them fairly
cheap on Amazon [linking the email]. But please stop putting your socks in the
fridge. It’s just plain gross.” I promise I’m not delirious from drinking with Ken or
making this up. A biography of Benjamin Disraeli once took up residence in the
fridge. Sock-less mice have been spotted outside the fridge.

Next: The bordering on infamous wife of the Speaker of the Commons, Sally
Bercow, entered the Big Brother house and exited it first. High on self-
importance, self-delusion, self-congratulations, self-glorification, self-
satisfaction with her latest search for celebrity status, she now has plans to
enter all and every reality programme – and run for labour MP. Perhaps she
should have a chat with Churchill/Ken....

Next: 70% of all public transport taking tourists on their way to see the 2012
Olympic Games will be forced to stop and shop at the new Australian owned
£1.45b Westfield Stratford City shopping centre. One tube exit leads them
straight into the world of shopping wonders. Prada, Bulgari, Dior. Oh joy.
Surely retail competition is so much more exciting than pole vaulting. They can
eat, sleep, watch a film, buy an unwanted/unnecessary luxury item with 50
restaurants, 3 hotels, 17 cinema screens, 300 shops and a casino if they are
feeling lucky to have discovered heaven on earth. They’ll need to get prepared
for a 400 metre dash for the latest Burberry handbag. Trainers essential.

Saving the best for last: Bernie Ecclestone’s £5m wedding for his deserving
daughter Petra, with Sarah Ferguson and Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie
quaffed £6,500 bottles of Chateau Petrus. Perfect. Oh look. Madonna has
unveiled her latest face. Scary.

You know the Silly Season is truly over when serious subjects take the fun out
of the funny. US anti-abortion-religious-fanatics determined to end abortion as
we know it, US corporate/religious control of education as we know it, the NHS
as we know it. Nothing new here except they are winning. Not silly at all.
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