LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
27 January 2012
Well This Could Be the Last Time

He hangs out with aristocrats, millionaires, billionaires. His parents are said to
have been Conservatives - particularly his mother. Mick Jagger: an ex-
economics major at London School of Economics. Possibly a good choice
considering his future financial potential.

None of that ‘I’ll be mother’ at a tea party with (London Mayor) Boris, (PM)
CallMeDave, (WWW inventor) Tim Berners-Lee and (model/actress/student)
Lily Cole... Lily Cole??? Oh please. The new member of the Elle/Jen/Gwennie
show up to the opening of anything set? And not the most pleasant, polite
person on the planet.

Mick tossed his unused tea bag and strutted out of the World Economic Forum
at Davos, complaining he wasn’t a ‘political football’ there to promote Britain to
potential investors for the Tories. You can’t always get what you want, CMD.

First it was the Smiths and now the Rolling Stones. Both have rejected rock ‘n
roll ‘Calm down, dear’ CallMeDave. He has moved on to Lana Del Rey as his
current favourite, whose very talent (very little), authenticity (lack of) and
manufactured image/brand (naturally) has been persistently slated. Quite like
CMD.


BEACH BUMS

“We plan to watch every minute because we are deprived of this brilliant sport
here in Britain.”

“We’ve waited four years.”

“Indeed. So much agility, suppleness, flexibility, flesh.”

“Oh I do so find a thong bikini terribly fetching.”

“Particularly one that jumps in the air... many times.”

“Oh dear me. More than one! Both teams if you please.”

“Yes. Please.”

“I’ve gone all woozy at the very anticipation.”

Twice as many civil servants and government ministers will be wiping their
brows and dreaming of sand in their pants at the women’s Olympic beach
volleyball event. £26,000...410 tickets. Tut tut. The male Olympiads obviously
wear appropriate attire: shorts and vests.

It’s athletics, not a lap dancing competition. To think these are the very same
ministers who spend our money - on themselves. Creepy.


YOU’RE NOT A BITCH

Can you spell ‘m i s o g y n y’? I thought not. Can you spell ‘h o’? I thought so.

Manically self-regarding rapper, Jay-Z has written a ‘poem’ attempting to
assuage his guilt (I think not) for referring to women as bitches and hos:
“Before I got in the game (hmmm), made a change and got rich (very)
I didn’t think about using the word bitch
I rapped it, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it
Now with my daughter in this world I curse those that [sic] give it
No man will degrade her and call her names.” Really.

Shouldn’t  J-Z tell Beyonce to clean up her act? Shouldn’t J-Z have noticed she
had once been someone’s daughter? His wife? The mother of his child?
Apparently not.

When little Blue Ivy reads his rap lyrics and watches music videos might she
not ask her father why he thought women were born to be dissed, dismissed,
mistreated? “Daddy. Why is Mummy showing her bum and moving like that?
Daddy. What’s a bitch? Daddy. What’s a ho? Daddy. Why are all those girls
only wearing tiny pants? Daddy. Why are those men pressing up against
them? Daaadddy....” And if J-Z had had a son?

The couple are rumoured to be planning a move to the English countryside
where ‘bitch’ is used for dogs....
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