LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
26 May 2012
Get Your Knickers in a Twist

Sometimes you simply want to induce a coma; "Wake me up when it's over".
Unfortunately, you'd be in an altered state until you died.

How is it possible that people get dumber, dimmer, thicker while science and
technology speed ahead?

When the future rulers of government, finance, business, academia - the
undergraduates of Cambridge - decide that choosing 'the rear of the year' is an
activity that deserves appreciation and attention - be sad, be very sad, then be
afraid, be very afraid.

The entrants were found through ‘word of mouth’ (how fitting) at the university
and the photos sent in through anonymous email accounts.

Lace in the library, brief purple lace briefs, Leila loves 'nothing more than
rubbing her bosoms on the smooth sand-blasted doors of Emmanuel College',
she thinks ‘It’s given me a bit of a confidence boost. I don’t think it’s got
anything to do with feminism really. I certainly wasn’t trying to make a point, nor
do I think I’m being objectified by men." Oh dear. Oh dear. How did this pitiable
'I am nothing without validation from men' ever get into Cambridge? Now what
would Oliver Sacks suggest? No Awakenings? The Undergraduate Who Mistook
Her Bum for a Brain?

The 'does my bum look pert in this?' photos were sent to an independent
student website The Tab. The editor Joe Bates defended the contest as a ‘bit of
fun’ and said the men’s rear of the year competition destroyed accusations of
‘anti-feminism’. OFGS. Comments posted online included: ‘High-definition pics
from multiple angles would’ve provided a better comparison.’

If one of these idiots actually took five minutes out of their self-referring reality
to put this contest into the larger context - surely there might be a hint of a
eureka moment. But then again, I doubt it, but let me be of assistance here.

As reported in the
i newspaper: Nearly half of young women were sexually
harassed in public on London trains and buses in 2011. A third of 1,047
questioned had been an object (truly an object) of unwanted, unsolicited sexual
attention - which often included potential and literal violence. 5% had been
groped...assuming on the bum. They have been shouted at for rebuffing
advances, followed home, yanked by their hair, nearly shoved into cars
containing a group of excited men. All a bit of fun naturally.

Perhaps we can leave it with attention-grabbing Pippa - whose bum-of-the-year
eluded me totally.

Philosopher Alain de Botton who graduated from Cambridge has announced he
is working on a project to make pornography better. AdB believes all the violent,
virulent anti-female porn is a threat to society. Quite. He has plans to create
family-viewing porn. Hmmmm.

AdB: "Ideally, porn would excite our lust in contexts which also presented other,
elevated sides of human nature – in which people were being witty, for
instance, or showing kindness, or working hard or being clever – so that our
sexual excitement could bleed into, and enhance our respect for these other
elements of a good life." Kind porn? Witty porn? Hard working porn? Really?
Bottoms up, de Botton.


How Low Can You Go?

Goodness, gracious me. PM CallMeDave hasn't stopped his frenzied tirades
and insults for five minutes. Shadow chancellor Ed Balls was called the
"muttering idiot". Balls was "staggered, completely taken aback" naturally after
gleefully winding CMD up for years. The 'idiot' did slightly better than CMD at
Oxford. Only slightly?

"He has always been an expert at getting a laugh on other people if it made him
look good, something I sense he acquired at Eton." Clearly maturity is one of
his major assets.

CallMeDave now refers to his old friend, previously revered spin doctor, Steve
Hilton, as "the little Hungarian". Hiltons' parents were Hungarian immigrants. Not
nice, Dave. Perhaps he was referring to Hilton's appetite.

Now what will our esteemed PM say next week. With his complicity in Jeremy
Hunt's sycophantic relationship with Murdoch and his bid for BSkyB - we might
eventually see the back of him. No 'rear of the year' there.
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