Letters From London
Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics
Keeping Up (dull) Appearances - 16th November 2010
The plan successful and implemented, “he’s lucky to have me” princess in waiting, Waitie Katy, is
now queen in waiting. One bonus is that her mother may actually be allowed into Buckingham
Palace without having to buy a ticket.

Appearing as she usually does: homage to Jennifer Aniston’s hair, dressed like a middle-aged
housewife, but with enough eye makeup to scare small pets, Kate Middleton, now dubbed
Catherine, demonstrated she has mastered the word ‘romantic’ in the interview with William as
she repeated it over and over again, although it wasn’t really evident, so we will have to take her
word for it.

Her father, Michael, had to read his heart-felt response to the engagement made public...
hesitantly. "As you know...Catherine and...Prince William...have been...going out ...together...for
quite a...number of...years, which has been...
great for us...because we have got to know William
very well.” Very classy, Mike.

Her mother, Carole, has forgone chomping gum at public functions where the Queen is present.
She and husband have been photographed at a shooting party at Balmoral. “Oi. Where’s the
blood? Don’t I get hot blood smeared on my face now?” “No, Carole. How many times must I tell
you – only at your first
fox hunt. And look at it. You didn’t even kill the damn thing.”  “Is the
Queen coming?” “Remember. No ‘where’s the toilet’ or no ‘please to meet you’ this time. It’s
‘lavatory’ and ‘hello, Ma’am.” “I know, I know. I have already found one of the toilets and I have
met her you know. Anyway, we’re in! I did it! We’re royalty now! Pippa and James can use the
Queen’s stationary! Did you order the mugs yet? Am I good!”

No longer Waitie Katie, queen in waiting Catherine has been doing her best imitation of what she
has assumed is a royal persona for ever. Clearly she hasn’t spent much time with Princess Anne.
The personification of demure, reserved, modest, prim and reticent. Dear me. I think I’ve gone
unconscious for a moment. She always appears to be what she apparently thinks is ‘a lady’ - or
a Stepford wife or an air hostess. Or could it be, shock horror, that she simply has no
personality.

If nothing else, she is hardly a modern woman and seemingly just so interminably
borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring that once she achieves her life goal, perhaps she can go back to working
hard at pretending to work hard.

The Duchess of Cornwall aka the laziest woman in Britain said it succinctly: “It’s wicked!” Oh
dear. They do all deserve each other don’t they.

Wake me when it’s over.