|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
8 June 2019
|Je Regrette, Je Regrette Profondément
Dominic Raab is so far-right, can we simply push him over the cliff. Please!
Who does this idiot think he is actually? In competition for king, emperor,
dictator with Nige? Oh god. Not another “l'état, c'est moi”!!! John Bercow and
even the Queen may have to step in to step on Dom with his desire to shut down
parliament to force no-deal Brexit through.
Not the only moron candidate. Esther McVey called for a purge of all Remain
voters from Cabinet and last week, she demanded that Britain create an 'invisible
border' in Ireland before October. Only she can ‘see’ it then? Seriously – really
seriously – these Tories are not only mad and thick, terminal liars, but insane!
Seriously! Lest we forget Andrea Leadsom, oh don’t you just wish we could, she
wants a ruling out of any attempt at renegotiation and is demanding no-deal.
Jeremy Hunt says he would like to see the legal time limit on abortions reduced
from 24 weeks to 12. Oh would he now. And those who don’t know they are
pregnant at 13 weeks?
And a few of the others living in that arrogant self-serving incompetence, illusory
parallel reality you ask? OK. You didn’t. Fair enough. Regardless of how the
candidates have suddenly gone ‘liberal’ – not worth mentioning – all is so
Quickly. Mikey Gove, Jeremy Hunt, Matt Hancock, Boris and not to miss out,
Dom Raab have all proposed a reopening of negotiations with the EU. And what
has Michel Barnier insistence – clearly, repeatedly - that the current deal is their
"only option". Go it? Evidently not. And let’s not even go near the non-negotiable
backstop they all think they a can negotiate. The next PM will try to redefine, re-
establish Brexit without the approval of the country. All together now: oh stop it all!
Oh it just never ends. The media has gone mad over Mikey and his cocaine
admission. Now Mikey took coke twenty years ago when he was a journalist -
and he now “deeply regrets it”! Of course he does. Oh they will all be at
it…regretting that is. Does a puff of no-effect opium beat a few lines of coke?
Your call. Hey! What about Psilocybin? Come on now. And ecstasy! Forming a
queue then? But for those who have taken illegal drugs – once - and they didn’t
like it. Oh pleeeease. YouGov revealed when asked whom people would vote for
– the response was ‘none of the above’. Oh dear. All those confessions for
Just a bit about Boris, apologising in advance. Well, he is leading the pack.
What exactly is Boris taking up his nose then if it isn’t – erm “icing sugar” – his
latest proposals are so laughable, you’d think he has been taking ecstasy – or
We know Boris would “mess up” his hair before facing the press, but we didn’t
know he knew nothing – no details, totally ignorant when Foreign Secretary. Mon
dieu! A senior aide to a European foreign minister recalled how after their
meetings, Boris would “mess up” his hair before facing the press. Pathetic isn’t
Interviews with seven senior US, European and UK diplomats and officials reveal
him being “woefully” underprepared on important briefs, not knowing basic
details, and making crucial mistakes. And his lack of sensitivity towards the local
culture and customs of his hosts. Typical Tory?
Putting his woeful ignorance aside, he worsened the plight of Nazanin Zaghari-
Ratcliffe, that British woman detained in Iran since April 2016, accused of
plotting to topple the Iranian government is tragically inexcusable.
In a discussion with a counterpart about Iraq, a senior PM Haider al-Abadi,
Boris didn’t know the difference between Sunni or Shia Muslim. 70% of Iraq’s
population is Shia. Boris also blocked EU foreign ministers from adopting a
resolution supporting a two-state solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict and
backing the pro-Israel US condemning the increasing and existing settlements.
Let’s do some quotes from officials and diplomats: “He was a player, without any
“He didn’t have full grasp of his dossiers. He was not strong on detail. The same
feeling was shared across much of Europe.”
“People were not having it. They look at him with contempt, and don’t trust him.”
Many European leaders and foreign ministers hold Boris personally responsible
for Brexit. Not pretty.
The Foreign Office is the only senior government job he has held. He is paid
£275,000-a-year for his Daily Telegraph column.
Oh and Boris will not face a criminal prosecution it has been decided. Damn.
Marcus Ball crowdfunded more than £450,000 to bring prosecution against Boris
to face three allegations of misconduct in public office; his bus-lie – you know
that £350m. In a tweet, Ball said: “This is not over.” Channel 4 put Marcus on
trial in their biased interview accusing him of being – gasp – noooo – a
remainer!!! Well, since their usual focus is on the US – sans criticism I add -
perhaps they are competing with the BBC for far-right bias. Nice.
Veni Vidi Vici
It may be over and hopefully a distant memory even with hair spray still lingering
in the air, the leader of the free world…our closest ally…the leader of the free
world…our closest ally…oh right, the same who called – ready? London mayor,
Sadiq Khan – “short!” SHORT! before Donny actually touched down. Then, you
know, a “stone-cold loser”. Huh? Hmm. Missing the connection: stone-cold and
loser. Must take a minute to review idioms.
And at every opportunity, “It’s the hair, stupid” announcing his demands and
policies on UK affairs as ‘our president’. Who does that? Really! Well, the UK
does fall at his feet and kiss his shoes – repeatedly and he does clearly feel the
right to make all decisions for this subordinate country.
The very, very best take on Donny was Simon Sharma interviewed on BBC and
Sky. Absolutely brilliant. He did call Donny a hyena and we know they are the
nastiest. Sharma was undeniably scathing.
OK. The second best moment was when Donny ‘positioned’ Charles in the photo
opportunity line-up. Shaking heads in disbelief here. Camilla then turned to the
cameras as the line-up was all leaving and – winked. Seriously now. Regardless
of what you think about her, what’s not to love?
Pomp, pageantry, grandeur, a 41 gun salute. Felt just like home, except for the
pomp and ceremony. Even more perfect with Donny planning to send 100,000
troops to the Middle East.
All right, all right. Here’s his ‘plan’ for us: “When you’re dealing with trade,
everything is on the table, so NHS or anything else, a lot more than that, but
everything will be on the table absolutely.” Theresa had to explain the NHS to
him, so he retracted ‘absolutely’. Spoiler alert: the UK trading relationship with
the EU is three times that with the US. Losing EU trade would be ten times more
damaging to the UK economy than a chicken from US trade. Remember: any
trade deals will be explicitly designed to increase barriers between the UK and
the EU. The EU is Britain’s largest economic partner, accounting for 49.4% of
its trade. And the US? It ranks second with 14.7%.
And according to Sharma, both houses of the US government must pass all
trade deals. Uh oh. Really – phew.
Oh dear me, the US is already here!!!! General practices, diagnostic services,
hospitals, help with IT systems - they obviously want more of the drug market.
Are we taking bets here?
70% of contracts are going to the private sector and you know what that means.
The government recently offered private healthcare corporations significant
control over around £2bn of NHS funding for mental health services. OK. I have
to say ‘that’s mental!’ Sorry. And health secretary Matt Hancock? Why he
claims that “there is no privatisation of the NHS on my watch”. Clearly not
‘watching’, eh Matt?
Now we have a new level of privatisation. Losing the will to live here. The
government is offering private companies control over the commissioning
budgets. All right. This means for-profit companies will join “provider
collaboratives” to decide whether the public or private sector will deliver NHS
services. Now you so know the outcome. “For-profit companies” – not obvious!
Sell-off US firms are waiting at the arrival gates. Example? US private equity firm
plasma supplier, Bain Capital, in 2013 bought NHS Plasma Resources UK for a
mere £230m and three years later sold it to a Chinese investment group, Creat,
(forgo the ‘e’?) for - drum roll - a mere £820m. Encouraging.
Since 2010, the government has crucially cut NHS budgets while dramatically
increasing privatisation. Quelle surprise? Oh surely not! In 2016-17 non-NHS
companies won 70% of contracts in England. Oh Donny would be so thrilled, if
he knew what the NHS was.
If you missed it, Donny wants to build a wall like his Mexican wall along the Irish
border. Not joking. But you knew that. Donny’s parting words? “I did it my way.”
Marriages are Made in Heaven
The new Brexit Party MEP, always a reason to change the channel, Ann
Widdecombe regularly voted against the expansion of gay rights. From her own
mouth - prior to the legalisation of gay marriage by CallMeDave, AW told the
Guardian that: “the state must have a preferred model, and the model that has
served us throughout the millennia is marriage – a man and a woman in a union
that is generally open to procreation. Marriage isn’t about two people; it is the
basis for the family.” And we know until just recently (to qualify for MEP) AW
has lived ‘happily’ with her mother.
Her record is no surprise, but still…during an interview on This Morning, she
dismissed much of the #MeToo movement as “trivial whinging”, claimed that the
gender pay gap is “very largely a myth”, denounced all women shortlists and
quotas aimed at redressing gender imbalances, argued that men, not women,
are at a disadvantage in the courts. What?! Then she also defended wolf
whistling. Surprised she knows what is.
Other dubious views; as an MP she voted against measures to stop climate
change in 2014. Did she really say: “There is no climate change, hasn’t
anybody looked out of their window recently?” Oh you know she did. She tried
to maintain that climate change is driven by "sun and clouds". Oh. Isn’t that
Yes, yes, she supports private healthcare, the death penalty and - now this will
cause you to gasp; during her time as prisons minister in 1996, AW defended
the practice of shackling pregnant prisoners when in hospital. She’s also
previously expressed her fanatical opposition to abortion.
But it was her discussion of so-called gay conversion therapy that resulted in the
cancelling of her one-woman show in Penzance, Cornwall, Guildford and
Ilfracombe, Devon. David Hutchinson, chief executive of the Landmark Theatre
in Ilfracombe: “The theatre would not provide a stage for these vile people”.
Male Order Bride
A bit of –erm – levity? Meghan was clearly desperate to find a rich, famous,
British husband. Oh you knew that already, but names keep popping up. Matt
Cardle you know about, now X Factor star Max George - one of the biggest stars
in pop music at the time – must have missed that - has been added to the list.
Evidently Max was getting so many messages from women that he'd forgot about
MM until she bagged Harry.
Radio host Lizzie Cundy recently claimed that MM asked her to help find her a
"famous British man" when she was single.
Oh no. Not separate charities now. Harry and Wills set up the Royal Foundation
in 2009. Now H&MM will focus on their own charities separately. No more annual
event for them. Didn’t we know this already?
The brand Fab Four – now clearly defunct. Living a few doors down from each
other must have been rather tricky. Harry and Wills didn't see each other in
private for six months after the wedding a royal expert has claimed. Who knows
what the media will share with us next week. I know…yawn.
A Near Miss
If you have missed Shane Meadows’ The Virtues on ITV – don’t. Naturally the
Stephen Graham you know is brilliant, but the rest of the cast, particularly the
children (who knew?) are extraordinary. I could go on in attempting to convince
– direction, writing, acting – the usual, but it’s the attention to details, the pauses.
You’ll see. Simply: it’s cinéma vérité.
And now that the US is finished with Killing Eve – gritting teeth here – we are
privileged enough to get it. Oh thank you, thank you. It must be 45 minutes to
accommodate the ads in the US. Just asking….