LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
22 November 2014
Huh?

The genius who is Thomas Heatherwick (architect of the Olympic Cauldron and
so much more) has designed a $170m park on stilts to be constructed above
New York's Hudson River. Good to go so far.

The structure will be planted with woodland and performance spaces 70ft above
the waterline. The city, state and Hudson River Park Trust will pay $40 million
and billionaire Barry Diller (ex head of Paramount Pictures as well as ex of other
life styles...your guess here if you don't already know) and Diane von
Furstenberg (fashion designer and wife of) will provide the rest of the money.
Still good - although $170-40 = $130. Rather a lot of cash - no? Clearly not to
them.

The pair had contributed in a major way (via cash again) for the British designed
1.45 mile walkway, the High Line, in lower Manhattan. Ms von F said: "New York
has always reminded me of Venice, so I am happy the time has come to
properly honour its waterways." Here's the 'huh?'.

Manhattan Lagoon? Gondolas paddled across to Newark? New York made up of
118 small islands, 400 bridges, tiny narrow streets, palazzos along the canals?
Really? The Hudson River and the East River on either side of an island? Surely
Ms von F wasn't referencing Riker's Island. Venice? Huh?

Just in case you are as filled with anticipation at the realisation that London's
Garden Bridge will actually become a reality, prepare to be disappointed.

With the total privatisation of all aspects of Britain, this is yet another privately
managed tourist attraction. Huh? How did this happen? We all voted on its
conception and construction, didn't we? Yes, we did. And we'll have paid in
£60m.

“All groups of eight or more visitors would be required to contact the Garden
Bridge Trust to request a formal visit to the bridge,” states Lambeth council’s
planning report to its committee. "This policy would not only assist visitor
management but also would discourage protest groups from trying to access the
bridge.” Fascism, financial profits, citizens control - surely not. Surely no public
right of way across the river under leafy trees. Tourists only. What? I mean huh?

But critics in New York have not been tricked as we have. "Promises to be a
“place of discovery, where visitors can wander and wonder with places to
lounge, eat lunch, or just lie in the grass,” (it's) another privately-managed
“public” space..." No huh? involved then.

This idyllic privately-managed park on stilts will replace where survivors of the
Titanic landed. Hmmm.


Milking the System

Newly-semi-fringed Chancellor George Osborne (how much do we think he
looks silly) has been establishing his territory. Not out in the park like a pup, but
in the fridge.

Georgie-Boy has a special civil servant who guards his own padlocked fridge in
the Treasury. Go on. Huh? This special servant known as ‘the Chancellor’s
Messenger’ stands guard to scare, threaten, disable, maim anyone who dares to
violate G-B's double-length fridge.

G-B wants his milk for himself. "I want my milky tea! I want my milky tea milky!"
His fridge is protected by a small padlock which has been specially drilled into
the door. OK. Huh?

Surely you want to know G-B uses semi-skimmed. He's watching his weight you
know. Now do you suppose his special servant serves his tea as well? White
gloved...small silver tray...a subtle bow before returning to his post?

There are some habits (ie; entitlements) that are simply too hard to break - such
as his family business tax avoidance?....No huh needed here. You must have
known that already.


Ring Tone

During an LA press conference for her latest movie, Jennifer Aniston did her
best to remind those who follow her every move, word, hair-flip, pose that she is
still engaged. Sigh. Oh we have been holding our collective breaths haven't we?

'Poor-Jen' flashed her 8-carat diamond engagement ring, said to be worth
$500,000. Hmmm. 8-carats and that much. Hmmm. Not buying that.

Or her announcement that she is no longer jealous, enraged, envious of  
Brad&Angelina. Quelle relief. How many years has it been? Poor Jen. Even
voodoo dolls stuck full of pins had no affect on their relationship.

Clearly Jen has given up. Here's the huh; we don't believe a word of it and why
exactly do we want to be reassured? Huh?ssss
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