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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
Holier-Than-Thou Foods - 15 June 2007
After a year of pushy, persistent press coverage and a 2000 people party opening that required
velvet ropes and bouncers - ‘Whole Paypacket’ aka Whole Foods unlocked its doors last week:
10,000 products, 500 staff that includes ‘personal nutritionists’, 80,000 square feet, 3 storeys,
$6.35 billion in sales of US celebrity endorsed hype.
Guns blazing, Texan founder and self-proclaimed master of the universe strategist, John
Mackey, subjected himself to only one interview. His self-effacing, ex-hippie, heart-warming,
vegan stance: “I believe in a dynamic, capitalistic economy…every time someone comes into a
market, someone somewhere is going to get hurt (hopefully not shot)…[he’s not] muscling
anybody, but no business has a right to stay open for ever.” Obviously expecting the big UK
supermarkets to run for cover or roll over and play dead, he may be somewhat deluded. Mr
Mackey is counting on a £40m profit the first year. Ah. Needless to say those ex-hippies make
impressive moguls.
UK supermarket wars are standard practice. Tea and crumpets it isn’t. More like tooth and nail.
Massive and multi-tentacled Tesco cleverly usurped the very name, Wholefoods, a year ago and
has plans to open up its smaller versions, Tesco Express, all over the US. Do I hear uproarious
laughter emanating from the Tesco boardrooms? “Gotcha!” “Indeed, Alasdair, indeed!”
Mr Mackey said the food offered to the British public wasn’t the same high quality as the
restaurants served. Not enough GM for you then, Mr Mackey? He added that there was less
competition in Britain than the US because food retailing is dominated by the “Big Four”
supermarkets, plus the (lovely) Marks & Spencer. One of those being ASDA, owned by the evil
US Wal-Mart. Does Mr M get out much? Or does he have a rare map phobia? Does he not
know this is a small island? Smaller than say - Texas?
“A person on a budget can shop at Whole Foods Market but they need to shop strategically.” He
must be referring to the tiny bits offered as enticements by one of the US cult-clones at ‘tasting
stations’. “Here, Love. Pop a few of these stone-ground –by-hand-whole-meal-organic bread
cubes dipped in one of 100 organic extra virgin olive oil and don’t forget to fill your pockets.” “Do
I have to fill me pockets, Mum?” “Quickly, Liam. We still have to find the 40 different kinds of
sausages and 400 varieties of cheeses tasting stations.” “Don’t miss our weight-loss counter,
Ma'am.”
It’s a department store modelling itself on Conran’s stack-them-high pyramid merchandising ploy:
the primitive brain responding to unrelenting repetition. The enormous shop itself is
overwhelming, manipulative, unimaginative and surprisingly boring. Numerous calculated placards
fail to entice, the chocolate counter could make you give it up for more than Lent, the Ikea style
dining – always a pleasure – combines the aesthetic and the unnerving echoing din of the world’s
favourite meatball source. Three massive cases offer unappetising food-value-less meals. Bright
lights, heat and a 20 minute leeway before all the vitamins and minerals are reduced to nil by
mouth for anyone desiring value for their hard-earned money. Very reminiscent of those chain
restaurants offering all day ‘all you can eat’ buffet for £5.95. I feel an allergic reaction coming on.
“The British don’t like spending money on food.” As so claimed by the uniformed WFM’s North
Atlantic president David Lannon - which clearly explains the UK’s £1.6 billion organic food
business, increasing exponentially as we sleep. And it isn’t just the big guys amassing the very
money Brits don’t spend on food; small-scale operations have seen their bank accounts increase
from zero to £7 million in 18 months.
“We feel the British must (must?) learn to embrace food like we do at home,” from one of the
clones. Ah yes. The land of the tasteless produce, the limited choices, McDonald’s, Burger King,
Kentucky Fried Chicken, TGIF, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
Notoriously reticent, or shall we simply say – secretive and evasive - about the origin of their
organics, WFM is ‘committed’ to local sourcing – as in the US being local. Most UK organic
farmers have closed ranks having made their deals with UK markets. A former WFM employee
revealed: “This caginess is typical. It’s embarrassed by how much produce comes from abroad
and you’re trained what to tell customers to preserve Whole Food’s reputation.”
Non-union, no contract ‘team’ members follow five Whole Food’s commandments on mandatory
cards they can’t recall when pressed: “If you don’t follow the motto of the company you probably
don’t belong here.” At one point, the team was about to be sent out to knock on Kensington
doors to attract new customers. Pardon me while I roll in the aisles.
After rejecting an asparagus bunch when my conscience reminded me, by shouting with
schizophrenic enthusiasm, of my 82 year old Portobello Market stall owner who has been selling
fruit and veg there for 69 years, I popped into Marks & Spencer’s on the way and sighed deeply,
my queasiness dissipating. Intensely aesthetic black and green interior, new eco-friendly stunning
green carrier bags, I patiently waited in the endless queues. The shop was chock-a-block with all
those Brits who don’t like to spend money on food.
Start petitioning now - before the vacuity of food snobbery takes hold permanently – before the
duped convince the ignorant -obviously none of the new devotees has ever been inside an
American supermarket.
With another 40 biggest-is-best, exploitative, manipulative, smug, hypocritical, predatory, holier-
than-thou, excessive, obscenely over the top with suspiciously shiny perfect produce Whole
Foods plans to cover England’s green and pleasant land. Perhaps WFM should consider sending
their substantial daily produce rejects to Africa. Oh. Too late. Monsanto has already taken over.
After a year of pushy, persistent press coverage and a 2000 people party opening that required
velvet ropes and bouncers - ‘Whole Paypacket’ aka Whole Foods unlocked its doors last week:
10,000 products, 500 staff that includes ‘personal nutritionists’, 80,000 square feet, 3 storeys,
$6.35 billion in sales of US celebrity endorsed hype.
Guns blazing, Texan founder and self-proclaimed master of the universe strategist, John
Mackey, subjected himself to only one interview. His self-effacing, ex-hippie, heart-warming,
vegan stance: “I believe in a dynamic, capitalistic economy…every time someone comes into a
market, someone somewhere is going to get hurt (hopefully not shot)…[he’s not] muscling
anybody, but no business has a right to stay open for ever.” Obviously expecting the big UK
supermarkets to run for cover or roll over and play dead, he may be somewhat deluded. Mr
Mackey is counting on a £40m profit the first year. Ah. Needless to say those ex-hippies make
impressive moguls.
UK supermarket wars are standard practice. Tea and crumpets it isn’t. More like tooth and nail.
Massive and multi-tentacled Tesco cleverly usurped the very name, Wholefoods, a year ago and
has plans to open up its smaller versions, Tesco Express, all over the US. Do I hear uproarious
laughter emanating from the Tesco boardrooms? “Gotcha!” “Indeed, Alasdair, indeed!”
Mr Mackey said the food offered to the British public wasn’t the same high quality as the
restaurants served. Not enough GM for you then, Mr Mackey? He added that there was less
competition in Britain than the US because food retailing is dominated by the “Big Four”
supermarkets, plus the (lovely) Marks & Spencer. One of those being ASDA, owned by the evil
US Wal-Mart. Does Mr M get out much? Or does he have a rare map phobia? Does he not
know this is a small island? Smaller than say - Texas?
“A person on a budget can shop at Whole Foods Market but they need to shop strategically.” He
must be referring to the tiny bits offered as enticements by one of the US cult-clones at ‘tasting
stations’. “Here, Love. Pop a few of these stone-ground –by-hand-whole-meal-organic bread
cubes dipped in one of 100 organic extra virgin olive oil and don’t forget to fill your pockets.” “Do
I have to fill me pockets, Mum?” “Quickly, Liam. We still have to find the 40 different kinds of
sausages and 400 varieties of cheeses tasting stations.” “Don’t miss our weight-loss counter,
Ma'am.”
It’s a department store modelling itself on Conran’s stack-them-high pyramid merchandising ploy:
the primitive brain responding to unrelenting repetition. The enormous shop itself is
overwhelming, manipulative, unimaginative and surprisingly boring. Numerous calculated placards
fail to entice, the chocolate counter could make you give it up for more than Lent, the Ikea style
dining – always a pleasure – combines the aesthetic and the unnerving echoing din of the world’s
favourite meatball source. Three massive cases offer unappetising food-value-less meals. Bright
lights, heat and a 20 minute leeway before all the vitamins and minerals are reduced to nil by
mouth for anyone desiring value for their hard-earned money. Very reminiscent of those chain
restaurants offering all day ‘all you can eat’ buffet for £5.95. I feel an allergic reaction coming on.
“The British don’t like spending money on food.” As so claimed by the uniformed WFM’s North
Atlantic president David Lannon - which clearly explains the UK’s £1.6 billion organic food
business, increasing exponentially as we sleep. And it isn’t just the big guys amassing the very
money Brits don’t spend on food; small-scale operations have seen their bank accounts increase
from zero to £7 million in 18 months.
“We feel the British must (must?) learn to embrace food like we do at home,” from one of the
clones. Ah yes. The land of the tasteless produce, the limited choices, McDonald’s, Burger King,
Kentucky Fried Chicken, TGIF, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
Notoriously reticent, or shall we simply say – secretive and evasive - about the origin of their
organics, WFM is ‘committed’ to local sourcing – as in the US being local. Most UK organic
farmers have closed ranks having made their deals with UK markets. A former WFM employee
revealed: “This caginess is typical. It’s embarrassed by how much produce comes from abroad
and you’re trained what to tell customers to preserve Whole Food’s reputation.”
Non-union, no contract ‘team’ members follow five Whole Food’s commandments on mandatory
cards they can’t recall when pressed: “If you don’t follow the motto of the company you probably
don’t belong here.” At one point, the team was about to be sent out to knock on Kensington
doors to attract new customers. Pardon me while I roll in the aisles.
After rejecting an asparagus bunch when my conscience reminded me, by shouting with
schizophrenic enthusiasm, of my 82 year old Portobello Market stall owner who has been selling
fruit and veg there for 69 years, I popped into Marks & Spencer’s on the way and sighed deeply,
my queasiness dissipating. Intensely aesthetic black and green interior, new eco-friendly stunning
green carrier bags, I patiently waited in the endless queues. The shop was chock-a-block with all
those Brits who don’t like to spend money on food.
Start petitioning now - before the vacuity of food snobbery takes hold permanently – before the
duped convince the ignorant -obviously none of the new devotees has ever been inside an
American supermarket.
With another 40 biggest-is-best, exploitative, manipulative, smug, hypocritical, predatory, holier-
than-thou, excessive, obscenely over the top with suspiciously shiny perfect produce Whole
Foods plans to cover England’s green and pleasant land. Perhaps WFM should consider sending
their substantial daily produce rejects to Africa. Oh. Too late. Monsanto has already taken over.
