11 November 2014
Ho Ho Ho

A hoedown (huh) in Jackson Hole (Wyoming) and guess who was hoe-ing. Or
is it hoe-ing down? Hoe-downing? Why it was Pippa. You surely haven’t
forgotten Pippa have you? Pippa of the awful, awfully ambitious Middletons? Of
course you haven’t. She would never let you.

Pushy Pippa was seen at JFK looking ever so perfectly New York in her
Mackintosh and $2,400 handbag. You read it right: $2,400 handbag. Soon after
– surprise, surprise – PP was decked out in flannel sans handbag and swinging
around all hoedown-ish. Ever so perfectly American. Cameras recorded every
minute of getting down with the hoe-down-locals. Said to be a dress (or flannel)
rehearsal for her stint on NBC. Oh my.

With an ‘upward of $500,000’ salary NBC is anxious to employ her for her
astute, intelligent, witty reports on lifestyle and health issues. OK. I put my hand
up. I’m joking – about her special ‘talents’. We all know her writings are cringe-
worthy and ultimately embarrassing even for the reader. Although clearly no
one has told PP.

Evidently Pippa had shown up on NBC’s Today show for an interview and a
chat over tea (how twee) in June so that she could increase her cachet. She
chatted over tea about attention-seeking Ex-Waity and naturally baby Prince
George - high ratings for the network. Success.

A bit too successful perhaps. Celebrity Dirty Laundry: “For one thing, Kate
Middleton and Queen Elizabeth have been trying time and time again to get
Pippa Middleton to tamp down her fame-whoring antics (oh dear...does that
include her fame-hoe-ingdown antics?) And you know the royal family doesn’t
necessarily have the best relationship with the press. And now, Pippa Middleton
wants to join the other side? There’s a HUGE conflict of interest there, and it’s
probably the reason that NBC wants to hire her in the first place.” Really?

Reports last summer emerged that Ex-Waity and Wills made a royal request
that Pippa cut back on her public appearances;  they believed these were
opening the Firm up for criticism.

Sources say the Queen is ‘not amused’.... Can’t imagine why.

Do They Know It’s Christmas

They do now. Tis the season to buy, buy, buy.  Tis the season to smile, smile,
smile. Tis the season to sentimentalise. John Lewis’ £7m (what?) cry-on-
demand sequel to the last year’s unbearable (sorry) ’Bear and the Hare’ has
set the bar for sweet – syrupy, soppy, sugary sweet. You may experience
momentary nausea for 130 seconds.

We need to talk. Seriously if you haven’t seen the now annual advert event, you
only need to know adorable little seven year old Sam and his pet penguin,
Monty, make their way through life inseparably – until at which point, Monty
recognises human romance. Huh?

So music tells us how to feel. Oh thank god. Otherwise we surely would have
missed the entire point. Imagine John Lennon’s reaction to Tom Odell’s
rendition – or rationale of Real Love.

Real love means paying £95 for a ‘special friend’ Monty penguin and another
£95 for his ‘special friend’ Mabel – his mail-order penguin bride. Ah. Isn’t real
love grand....

Since the purpose of the advert is to bring in Christmas cash, you could be fool
enough to buy £20 penguin cuff links (why?)...a £21 penguin-covered onesie
(way too cute)...a children’s book...an auditory app...or all 40 must-have advert-
related items.  If you want to do a proper John Lewis Christmas that is. Surely
not tempted are you? Apparently you are as the £95 cuddly penguin toy sold
out within hours. Oh do despair.

Marketing Director, Chris Inglis is hoping to inspire people “to think how they
can make the festive season extra special for their friends and loved ones”.
Sick bag – quickly!

Fly Me to the Moon

The M&S don’t-try-this-at-home Christmas advert features flying fairies – as
they do – fly that is. At least it’s fun and the fairies, Magic and Sparkle play
cupid, shower presents on unsuspecting children and couples. Good deeds
with Julie London singing Fly Me to the Moon. Now you know you would just
love a bit of that fairy dusting. Although the armour-like bra is a bit confusing.
M&S is running a Twitter account for the fairies that will give people a chance to
nominate friends and family who deserve a good deed. During the last week the
fairies have given out gifts across the UK. No £95 fairy in sight.

Pre-Christmas, M&S has had the most brilliant – no really – brilliant, inspiring,
clever, aesthetically stunning adverts.

Patrick Bousquet-Chavanne, executive director of marketing and international
at M&S said: “The magic of Christmas is how it brings out that little part in all of
us that wants to believe in the extraordinary. (I do, I do. Don’t you?). It’s a
moment to escape the realities of every day and give in to the joyfulness of the
festive spirit.

"We wanted to capture that feeling and bring Magic and Sparkle to life in a fun
and light-hearted way that spreads a little cheer.” Now that is sweet.

So Fly Me to the Moon....
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