LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
28 March 2015
He's Baaaaaack

“You okay, Ed? You all right?” Rottweiler Paxman has returned to our TV
screens. He did his best to beat Ed with a stick, bat, hammer (you choose)
followed by his rather creepy condescension.

Surely you know this is all about the non-debate replacement for the head to
head debate that PM CallMeDave refused to engage in with Labour leader Ed
Miliband due to a lack of courage, character, oh how easy to go on and on, but
I'll save you the tedium.

So we had ex-
Newsnight Jeremy Paxman questioning Ed and Dave separately
followed by audience questions. It was all up close and personal. Why exactly?
Oh I see. We’re now electing a president aren’t we. US debates, US endless
campaigning, US personality above policy…but thank God no obligatory 'thank
God' yet. No more vote the party not the person.

Paxman (rather ironic name don’t you think?) began aggressively with
CallMeDave, who naturally was unable to answer any of the crucial questions,
but Paxman didn’t ask CMD about the cost of his many kitchens or leaving his
daughter in the pub did he?

Paxman referenced the Tory mantra that Ed is “a North London geek”, although
he strikingly failed to mention Ed’s separated-at-birth animation, Wallace. Often
offensive
Sky News reader Kay Burley bullied and demeaned Ed. She focused
on his act of fratricide in regards to his brother, David. (Yes, yes. We know that
if David was Labour leader he’d win the election). “Oh your poor mother.” Nice.
She told us that Ed was so nervous before the non-debate, “He was shaking”.
Nice. Voting Tory, Kay?

The audience was clearly reverential towards Prime Minister Dave (except for
one woman – one) and aggressive towards Ed. Was that laughing with or
against Ed then? They looked questionably bemused.

So basically: PR-PM CallMeDave was predictably nauseatingly slick; so slick he
could slide off the stage, always the pretentious toff, the entitled Etonian. Earnest
Ed stood his ground against arms-folded-leaning-back- in-superiority Paxman.
The pompous toff vs the awkward geek.

The knives were out for Ed, the silver spoon was out for Dave. Dave repeatedly
(isn’t this just so boring?) tells the peasants this election is “on a knife edge”
…with the knife in Ed’s back.

The polls and the press crowned performer-Dave as winner. Really? Curiously in
the spin room the hacks all chose Ed. Hmmmm. But really, didn’t Paxman win?


Make Them Stop

According to The Week, polifiller.com has taken a poll to determine the Top Ten
‘most-loathed, patronising, self-aggrandising political clichés and double-speak’.
How exciting. Here’s their list.

1 ‘Hard-working families’
2 ‘Let me be clear’
3 ‘The economic mess’
4 ‘Long term economic plan’
5 ‘Failed economic plan’
6 ‘The Great British people’
7 ‘What we’ve said is’
8 ‘I don’t intend to give a running commentary’
9 ‘Up and down the country’
10 ‘I say this’

Falling just outside the Top Ten were ‘package of measures’ and ‘we’re all in this
together’. No ‘the mess Labour left us’ then? Really? Don’t despair. You’ve
possibly heard it already today – more than once. Argh.


Missives to Ministers

The Supreme Court has finally ruled that we ought to see the hand-written letters
Prince Charles has sent to ministers expressing his suggestions, opinions,
protests, grievances. 27 will be published in the next month or so. You just know
there must be thousands.

Referred to as ‘black spider memos’ – could it be the way he holds his
(Montblanc?) pen? They are letters reported to be "full and frank
expressions…his most deeply held personal views". Quelle surprise.

The “advocacy” letters are from 2004 to 2005. But wait here. One year? But wait
again. You are waiting aren’t you? The next parliament can legislate to overrule
the court in the name of the people if it is decided that Charles could be viewed
as overtly political. Surely not. So not such a victory for Republicans then really.

According to a former Attorney General the black spider memos are "seriously
damaging to his role as future monarch". Blimey! Who’s going to inform the
Queen?
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