LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
13 December 2015
The Hair and the Spare(s)

A petition signed by more than half a million to deny The Hair entry to the UK is
the most signed on parliament’s website.

Oh OK. I was trying to avoid playing the trump card, but you know it can only be
Donald Trump. “You talkin’ tuh me?” Well, if you are ‘stupid, a moron, dummy or
loser’, then yes.

The Donald’s, oh sorry, “Donald J Trump’s statement” (and why hasn’t DJT
revealed what the ‘J’ stands for? Suggestions have been obvious: jerk, jackass)
has repeatedly called anyone who is not a devotee stupid, a moron, dummy or
loser and we know he has a brilliant command of the language, even
monosyllabic American English and yes, he did refer to himself in the third
person. Hmmm. Schizophrenic or stupid or both.

Unless you’ve been hiding in a cave to avoid Christmas chaos, you know The
Don called for “a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United
States”. And the statistics you ask? Muslims constitute less than one per cent
with a quarter of whom have converted. And oh dear, they are not living in
ghettos, but are well integrated into and all over the country. Be afraid, be very
afraid – Donald.

Now he has gotten specific; he wants all Syrians sent back to the war zones
from which they came.

TD has also, hand on heart (ha) promised to sign an executive order mandating
the death penalty for all convicted cop killers when he becomes president. And
some say The Don can win the nomination. Reagan did twice and he went into
office thick and demented.

I will “sign a strong, strong statement (did he say strong?) that will go out to the
country - out to the world – (oh the world) that anybody killing a policeman,
policewoman, a police officer (is police officer another gender then?) anybody
killing a police officer, will get the death penalty. It's going to happen, OK?" Does
TD stutter? Kidding.

Now TD wants to turn off the internet so that children can’t use it. It radicalises
them don’t you know. It’s just so hard not to quote him. Children in America
“were watching the internet and they want to be masterminds. We’re losing a lot
of people because of the internet. We have to see Bill Gates and a lot of
different people that (sic) really understand what’s happening (oh he does go on
and on). We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that
internet in some ways.” Here’s the best part. “Somebody will say: ‘Oh freedom
of speech freedom of speech' (there he is again, repeating himself ad
nauseum). These are foolish people.” Time to say: Oh my god…somebody
make him stop.

Now that’s four executive orders, what else can TD promise his fervent
followers? Must I mention the hair? Really? Free blond cotton floss hair pieces
for all white Americans - men, women and children.

Those who haven’t signed the petition surely know that The Donald told us: “The
United Kingdom is trying hard to disguise their massive Muslim problem.
Everybody is wise to what is happening, very sad! Be honest.” The Donald also
claimed that parts of London are "so radicalised the police are afraid for their
lives". What a relief he told us. We didn’t know.

So who stepped up to join TD’s understatements? Oh, it’s ‘respected columnist’
(laughter here) Katie Hopkins who declared on US Fox TV that one quarter of
the population is behind The Donald and 60% of Ukip: Ukip who?

Just when you think it can’t get more absurd, Marine Le Pen and her Front
National could possibly preside over three of the largest regions in France. That
is 16 million. C'est choquant!! And then there’s Le Pen’s niece who has entered
the family business. Four regressive (dumb?) blondes don’t equal a functioning
brain.

It could be noted here that it wasn't bad enough to have the annoying KH
delivering her opinion, but Chancellor Georgie-Boy wasn’t far behind. He wants
“a dialogue”. Oh really, Georgie. And lest we forget, this is the government with
the same anti-immigrant policy as The Donald.

Embarrassingly The Donald was awarded Doctor of Business Administration at
Robert Gordon University, Aberdeen in 2010 and now rescinded.

Professor John Harper, Acting Principal of Robert Gordon University: “The
University has chosen to confer this degree on Mr Trump in recognition of his
business acumen, entrepreneurial vision and the long-term future his company
is planning in the North-east of Scotland (oh yes, those elite golf courses and
accommodations).”

That was then, this is now. “In the course of the current US election campaign,
Mr Trump has made a number of statements that are wholly incompatible with
the ethos and values of the university. The university has therefore decided to
revoke its award of the honorary degree.”

Nicola Strugeon has stripped TD of his role as a business ambassador for
Scotland having joined the GlobalScot business network in 2006.  Not so
Scottish now, Donald.

Trump Home – yes, and it’s not one of his homes – it’s his line of luxury (can’t
you just image?) gifts and goods – has been terminated in Middle Eastern
department stores. Bad enough? Not really, but this is. Khalaf al-Habtoor, former
Dubai billionaire business partner has dropped The Donald like a hot rock. “He
is really creating war. He’s creating hatred between Muslims and Christians.
Muslims have invested hundreds and hundreds of billions of dollars [in America]
creating jobs for Americans. They can go invest it somewhere else.” Oh dear.
Oh dear.

The best aspect of all of this theatricality is that The Don read Hitler’s ‘how to
book’, My New Order. Who knew he read? Trump, naturally after confirming that
he had the book, later told a reporter, “If I had these speeches, and I am not
saying that I do, I would never read them.”

Some have suggested The Donald’s tirades, insults, outrageous statements are
nothing but self-aggrandizement. Really? Oh surely not.


Face Off

Good looking men are 'discriminated against at work'. Huh? Academics from the
London Business School and the University of Maryland have co-authored the
research that ugly men are ultimately winners at work. Let’s repeat huh? again.

A study has found handsome men are less likely to be promoted by men as they
are deemed a threat to the other men. Huh? How primitive.  The researchers
found that the same issue did not apply to women. Why? Oh because being
pretty, attractive, good looking are not associated with competence. So exactly
what are they associated with then? Rhetorical…rhetorical….

Well, one pretty face has turned not so pretty. Very attractive, very rich, very
successful Zac Goldsmith has turned true to form; he’s lapsed into the deserved
reputation as the nasty party.

He was accused of a launching a "coded racist" attack against Labour's Sadiq
Khan. Leaflets sent by his campaign accuse Khan of being a "divisive and
radical" politician. Khan's campaign called this is a "dog-whistle" to those
uncomfortable with the prospect of a Muslim mayor.

A Khan source told Politics.co.uk. "There's nothing about Sadiq that you could
describe as 'divisive' or 'radical' so it's pretty obvious why they've used those
words. We hoped Goldsmith meant it when he said that he wanted a clean
campaign - but sadly it appears he's reverted to type."

In a parliamentary debate last week, Zac said Khan's opposition to Heathrow
expansion was "as authentic as Donald Trump's hair". We just have no reprieve
from The Don do we? And actually, it is his real hair, Zac.

The Tories have just launched a new campaign attack video titled ‘Who is Sadiq
Khan?’ And who could be behind these nasty campaign tactics then? Why it’s
favourite Tory guru attack dog, Australian Lynton Crosby, full of Christmas
cheer. We really don’t have to mention Australia’s immigration policy do we?
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