LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
18 May 2011
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1. The Hair and the Spare
Oh dear. Oh dear. It was the battle of the bums. With both Jane Fonda and new
party princess Pippa squeezed into Spanx when showing off their fit forms to
the press the question became: who has the best bum? No mention in the
papers of a massive increase in Spanx sales so far.

To be honest, I couldn’t (literally) see what all the press/twitter/facebook
hysteria regarding Pippa’s derriere was about in the attention-grabbing maid of
honour dress. But her wince-making post wedding day cruise/leisure wear
outfit revealed a rather plump bum. Hmmm. Interesting illusion.
More gossip about Pippa Middleton

2. Repulsion  
The 32 year old NY hotel maid ran from the room – clearly leaping with joy
down the hallway after being sodomized by IMF chief serial seducer Dominique
Strauss-Kahn. Actually, she rang a friend in a flood of tears saying that she
had been attacked and that “Somebody has done something really bad to me”.

She had lived with her 15 year old daughter in an apartment available only to
those adults with HIV or Aids. Mon dieu. The woman, originally from West
Africa, has accused France's leading presidential contender of forcing her to
perform oral sex on him - twice and then attempted to rape her as she tried to
clean his hotel room – surely not at the same time.
More news about Dominique Strauss-Kahn

3. Advise and Consent
Interview with Justice Secretary Ken Clarke:

I: “So rape is rape.”
KC: “No. Sometimes rape is simply sex.”

I: “So that explains the 6% conviction rate and your new proposal of a few
months in prison for consensual rape.”

KC: “My dear. Our judges can distinguish between a kiss in a romantic setting
with flowers and candles and room freshener that leads to a passionate attempt
at intimacy.”

I: “So, no doesn't always mean no.”

KC: “Of course not. Women change their minds all the time, you know. They
are notoriously indecisive and illogical and they can't drive.”

I: Hmmm. Then what about the places like the Congo where 48 women are
raped per hour.”

KC: “At least they most probably know their rapist. Local rebels you know.”

I: “Rapists. They are raped repeatedly and often gang raped as well as their
children and babies.”

KC: “Well, that is a family matter isn't it and besides, we are so much more
civilised concerning these matters, are we not.”
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