|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
18 August 2018
Let’s see. Boris or Jeremy? Jeremy or Boris? No coin tossing here. Let’s see
what Boris has been up to. We know what Jeremy has been –evidently eye
Unkempt, uncombed, unruly, ruffled, tousled, messy calculated hair. No, not
blond Baby Trump. Calculated, yes, uncombed no. Bedraggled Boris and ‘his
best kept secret’. Secret? Really? Commentators/journalists have just noticed?
Sooooo obvious. The press is being so played. Fawning fools or finessing the
“Oh give me a minute while I run my fat little fingers through my excellent hair.
Ah. There you go.” We have seen him do it. Innumerable times in fact. Or really,
when doesn’t he?
Journalist and author Zoe Margolis was one of the first on Twitter to point out
Boris’ ‘secret stratagem.’
“Someone in a green room once told me that Boris Johnson purposely messes
up his hair if he knows he's about to encounter cameras or TV, so that he
appears unkempt, and I've never got it out of my head how contrived his whole
zany persona is – and how the press lap it up.”
His sister Rachel reveals to all who are insatiably curious…and who would that
be exactly? Anyone you know? I thought not.
“We have uncontrollable hair! His hair doesn’t lie flat, it never has”. Oh
pleeeease! Really? Well Rachel then why isn’t yours all awry then? Huh?
One commentator disclosed that devious Boris actually said: “Showtime!” as he
ruffed up his shock of blond mane before meeting the press.
“Yes, absolutely. He visited a friend’s business and was razor sharp on
everything until he had to leave and knew the press was outside. His exact words
as he ruffled his hair was “Showtime!” When will people realise he’s playing
them for fools!”
Ah, but he is so lovably bumbling…but possibly not for all. Boris has been a high-
profile supporter of Classics for All for several years. Their aim is to promote the
study of Greek, Latin and classical civilisation in state primary and secondary
schools. Good so far. While the mayor of London, Boris organised generous
grants to the organisation. Good so far
This week, however, shock horror, Boris’ profile page as an honorary patron
was removed from the organisation’s website. Not so good.
“The team at Classics for All is committed to increasing access to classics and
works with many Muslim pupils. We do not endorse or support Boris Johnson’s
statement or comments.” This sent to supporters. Not looking good here.
A discussion is to be held at a board meeting in October. “Et tu Brute?” Oh
Boris, surely not the best you can do. “What about ‘non sum quails eram’
then?” [I’m a different person today]
We all know ad nauseum that Boris seeks to display his superior intellect via
We all know his father and sister back him but went further to say burqas should
be banned. Uh oh. Trouble at Sunday lunch looming. Another member of the
clan takes the opposite view. Brother Leo has an Afghan-born Muslim wife. He
has accused Boris of “bigotry”. Ouch! Father Stanley dismissed the furore as
“whipped up” by his political opponents, as “synthetic indignation” and that
“people are whipping up a little mountain out of a molehill”. Can you say that in
Latin? No word from brother Jo as yet?
Curiously the Royal Mail is planning to widen the letterbox openings to
accommodate packages. Uh oh. Burqas looking less like letterboxes and left as
Don’t you just wish that sooner rather than later when Boris’ name is mentioned,
you could simply say: “Boris who?”
Not a chance. Boris has a yet another new strategy. He is going to upstage
Theresa – again. This time? At next month’s Conservative Party Conference. He
has agreed to address a fringe meeting at the conference, just in time with Brexit
negotiations impending, just two weeks before the European Council summit on
18 October, where a final Brexit deal could be signed off. Oh Boris. Not obvious.
Let’s put things into perspective. Kofi Annan. You couldn’t possibly put the hair-
tousler’s name in the same sentence could you?
Defacing the Unknown Faces
Consequences of a crisis create a crisis. An art project by artist, Banu
Cennetoğlu, featuring a list of the 34,361 migrants and refugees who have died
trying to reach Europe since 1993, has been shredded for the second time.
And where exactly? Liverpool. Really? A city where trade began in 1715.
Admittedly it included slaves as well as goods, but Interaction with the rest of the
world was seminal.
Cennetoğlu has decided not to install it for a third time. Thus, allowing the ripped
remains as a “reminder of this systematic violence exercised against people”.
Cennetoğlu said it had been torn down “very violently” on Sunday.
The work was part of the city’s Biennial art festival. It has been displayed in
Berlin, Istanbul, Basel and Athens without a racist response.
Since the installation 12 July 2018, it has been targeted repeatedly: shredded,
damaged, removed beginning 16 days later. Ah, makes you proud doesn’t it?
Festival organisers plan to mount a notice to explain why the others are missing.
Visitors to the website will be shown the full list. A festival spokeswoman said:
…we would like to know why. The List has been met with critical acclaim and we
are doing everything we can to reinstate it.” Defies belief, doesn’t it?
Ninth in line, sans royal duties, basically purposeless, desperate to be a Meghan
clone - to the point of wearing the same shoes! Worrying. Princess Eugenia has
insisted on an open-top carriage procession through Windsor for her wedding
following, the same route taken by Harry&MM of course – costing us £2 million.
You know, the same princess who declared she and Beatrice were ‘real’ people.
Erm, Prince Andrew? Gone missing? Doesn’t carry cash? Clearly he should
pay up. Estimated worth £65m? Seriously. Kensington, where the couple live,
has brought out Kensington Labour MP, Emma Dent Coad. “This may be the
time to review the role and cost of minor royals.” What’s not to love? Suggestion:
in protest we could simply boycott the entire event. We already saw it the first
time round last May – and did we care then? Let me help here: we didn’t. Now
we care even less. Sorry, Eugenie. Nevertheless that mantra keeps coming up:
‘get a life’.
Comedy of Errors
After reading the 10 best Edinburgh festival jokes, this is the – erm – the
funniest. Chris Turner: “Never Apologise! Never Explain! – Sorry, that’s my
motto.” Really? Really. No rolling on the floor, legs up in the air, shrieking with
laughter for any of them. Sorry. Not funny you comedians. I’m thinking a day
"I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability."
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
"True friends stab you in the front."
Admit it. You are smiling…as you should and surely you know the source. OK.
Surprise, surprise. Shanghai is the stand-up comedy capital of China. No.
Really! Left speechless? No need. There are mic nights, Mandarin and English
shows. An Egyptian club owner – huh? I know, nevertheless – a stand-up
comedian for the last five years gives his optimistic forecast: “It’s going to be
massive. It’s already a multi-million-dollar industry and it’s only going to get
bigger and bigger…in ten years, I believe stand-up is going to be one of the
pillars of the entertainment industry in China.” Who knew? Seriously, who did?
Time to book a flight?
Respect. Say a Little Prayer…then let’s Think…RIP...forever and ever….