| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Gossip |
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We are Living in a Material World... - 8 May 2008
Mr Madonna, aka Guy Ritchie, has taken up the cause of British property angst. Thanks, Guy.
He has declared that “big money” foreigners are buying up all the desirable properties in central
London…that Mr M’s “big money” foreigner wife might want to buy? Tut tut. More
Mr Madonna, aka Guy Ritchie, has taken up the cause of British property angst. Thanks, Guy.
He has declared that “big money” foreigners are buying up all the desirable properties in central
London…that Mr M’s “big money” foreigner wife might want to buy? Tut tut. More
It's Blowing in the Wind - 13 June 2008
A multi-coloured candyfloss confection whipping around and ending in a salute - to the Scottish
flag?- Donald Trump and his hair blew into Scotland to take over pristine, primordial sand dunes
for his controversial £1b golf resort near Aberdeen. More
A multi-coloured candyfloss confection whipping around and ending in a salute - to the Scottish
flag?- Donald Trump and his hair blew into Scotland to take over pristine, primordial sand dunes
for his controversial £1b golf resort near Aberdeen. More
Take my Wife, Please - 15 August 2008
The Rev: “Do you take Peachy to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day
forward?”
Pea: “It’s Paula, I mean Peaches! Peaches!”
The Rev: “Excuse me miss. Well, do you?”
Max: “Yer name’s Peaches?” More
The Rev: “Do you take Peachy to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day
forward?”
Pea: “It’s Paula, I mean Peaches! Peaches!”
The Rev: “Excuse me miss. Well, do you?”
Max: “Yer name’s Peaches?” More
Don't Cry for Me, Argentina - 24 October 2008
Guy is in tears over his son dressed in a T-shirt referencing Madonna’s lover, A-Rod. (Does Guy
want one as well?)
Madonna is in uncontrollable tears over the failure of her marriage. (After not speaking to each
other for the last 18-24 months?)
Guy doesn’t want a single pound: he has his own wealth. (Is that from his parents?) More
Guy is in tears over his son dressed in a T-shirt referencing Madonna’s lover, A-Rod. (Does Guy
want one as well?)
Madonna is in uncontrollable tears over the failure of her marriage. (After not speaking to each
other for the last 18-24 months?)
Guy doesn’t want a single pound: he has his own wealth. (Is that from his parents?) More
Share the Inner Aspect - 21 November 2008
GOOP nourish the inner aspect
Okay Gwyneth, I am ready. Gwyneth’s (is-her-surname-really-necessary?) new site, GOOP is
where you can: make…go…get…do…be…see GP’s personal experiences in her personally
busy, busy red-carpet life. Here you can regress and enjoy the helpful self-help process. Morecan
GOOP nourish the inner aspect
Okay Gwyneth, I am ready. Gwyneth’s (is-her-surname-really-necessary?) new site, GOOP is
where you can: make…go…get…do…be…see GP’s personal experiences in her personally
busy, busy red-carpet life. Here you can regress and enjoy the helpful self-help process. Morecan
Same Old, Same Old - 9 January 2009
So here we are in 2009. Three years before we all disappear into oblivion if the Hopis and the
Mayans prove to be right after all. Yet it’s life as usual – despite the entire collapse of the global
economic structure. Well, what’s changed? Not much. More
So here we are in 2009. Three years before we all disappear into oblivion if the Hopis and the
Mayans prove to be right after all. Yet it’s life as usual – despite the entire collapse of the global
economic structure. Well, what’s changed? Not much. More
Our Friend, Generic Jen - 14 March 2009
Jen bounces back. Jen is now new and improved. Jen is happy, reallyreallyreally happy. Jen is
fun and funny. Jen is blindingly charismatic. Our Jen wants to tell you how emotionally healthy
Jen is. Jen loves herself and her life. Jen wants to be your friend. I want to kill myself. No. I want
to kill Jen. More
Jen bounces back. Jen is now new and improved. Jen is happy, reallyreallyreally happy. Jen is
fun and funny. Jen is blindingly charismatic. Our Jen wants to tell you how emotionally healthy
Jen is. Jen loves herself and her life. Jen wants to be your friend. I want to kill myself. No. I want
to kill Jen. More
Josef Fritzl: Sex Machine.... - 22 March 2009
Dear Diary,
Today I ordered some new magazines. Worldwide Wild Brothels, Bestiality on the Farm,
Bondage Bodies. I am so excited. I also put in for a 100% down duvet with 100% silk cover, a
few cozy cushions covered in rabbit fur. I am about to start reading Perfume and plan to watch
The Collector tonight. As I said, I am very excited, especially about the film. The girl dies. I am
all giddy now. But as you know dear diary, it doesn’t take much to create that situation. I am
laughing now. More
Dear Diary,
Today I ordered some new magazines. Worldwide Wild Brothels, Bestiality on the Farm,
Bondage Bodies. I am so excited. I also put in for a 100% down duvet with 100% silk cover, a
few cozy cushions covered in rabbit fur. I am about to start reading Perfume and plan to watch
The Collector tonight. As I said, I am very excited, especially about the film. The girl dies. I am
all giddy now. But as you know dear diary, it doesn’t take much to create that situation. I am
laughing now. More
I Really Want It - 30 May 2009
Another year, another talent…only clearly not to all. Lily Allen, daughter of actor Keith Allen, in
her wisdom felt it her duty to inform the public, including the massive millions of You Tube
viewers, that the-popular-with-all Susan Boyle hasn’t much talent. “I thought her timing was off on
Britain’s Got Talent on Sunday - no control, and I don’t think she has an amazing voice.” Lily
Twittered that 12 year old Shaheen had more…more than Lily certainly. Smile. Where oh where
would Lily be without nepotism? Unnecessarily cruel to someone who had been deprived of
oxygen at birth…Susan that is. More
Another year, another talent…only clearly not to all. Lily Allen, daughter of actor Keith Allen, in
her wisdom felt it her duty to inform the public, including the massive millions of You Tube
viewers, that the-popular-with-all Susan Boyle hasn’t much talent. “I thought her timing was off on
Britain’s Got Talent on Sunday - no control, and I don’t think she has an amazing voice.” Lily
Twittered that 12 year old Shaheen had more…more than Lily certainly. Smile. Where oh where
would Lily be without nepotism? Unnecessarily cruel to someone who had been deprived of
oxygen at birth…Susan that is. More
Mum's the Word - 22 October 2009
Am I drunk? No. So it must be time warp time again.
With surrealism filling the air, the list is out of publicity possessed celebs who are being
considered for Celebrity Mum of the Year. A bit of an oxymoron really. Geri Halliwell, Samantha
Cameron, Kate Moss, Katie Price – who is barely recognisable after her latest surgery to create
a ‘separated-at-birth’ relationship with Janice Dickenson…not a good look…not a good choice.
More
Am I drunk? No. So it must be time warp time again.
With surrealism filling the air, the list is out of publicity possessed celebs who are being
considered for Celebrity Mum of the Year. A bit of an oxymoron really. Geri Halliwell, Samantha
Cameron, Kate Moss, Katie Price – who is barely recognisable after her latest surgery to create
a ‘separated-at-birth’ relationship with Janice Dickenson…not a good look…not a good choice.
More
Breast is Not Always Best - 13 November 2009
Is this breast-awareness week? Breast-exhibitionist week more like.
Photo opportunity addicted Nicole Kidman has seemingly added and then flattened two small
birthday balloons when she secured her place on the red carpet at the Country Music Awards
with her husband, Keith Urban, who was giving her and her party favours ‘an admiring glance’.
Well, actually, he looks more glazed, dazed and confused. “Am I actually married to this breast-
inflated woman who appears in the press every two days? Am I drinking again? I’ll only know
after I read her latest interview.” More
Is this breast-awareness week? Breast-exhibitionist week more like.
Photo opportunity addicted Nicole Kidman has seemingly added and then flattened two small
birthday balloons when she secured her place on the red carpet at the Country Music Awards
with her husband, Keith Urban, who was giving her and her party favours ‘an admiring glance’.
Well, actually, he looks more glazed, dazed and confused. “Am I actually married to this breast-
inflated woman who appears in the press every two days? Am I drinking again? I’ll only know
after I read her latest interview.” More
D-I-V-A Diva - 28 November 2009
“You’re sitting on a kitten!”
“No she isn’t. We couldn’t get them…health and safety again.”
“Theirs I’m assuming.”
“She threw another fit. She refused to meet the masses without her kittens. She wanted to feel
the little heartbeats in the palms of her hands. Plus the furry bit naturally.” More
“You’re sitting on a kitten!”
“No she isn’t. We couldn’t get them…health and safety again.”
“Theirs I’m assuming.”
“She threw another fit. She refused to meet the masses without her kittens. She wanted to feel
the little heartbeats in the palms of her hands. Plus the furry bit naturally.” More
I Resolve... - 15 January 2010
Jade Jagger:
Resolution: “I resolve not to continue to sexualise my two tarty mini-me-girls, 13 and 16, as I
have done since they were 8 and 10 or were they 6 and 8? No more nose-bleeding-high high
heels, porn star make-up, diaphanous dresses slit up to the waist and down to the waist - like
me. And no more posing provocatively as if we are about to have sex with a rugby team.”
Reality: “Are you mad? I am the centre of the whole universe and I do exactly what I want no
matter how untalented, solipsistic, supercilious, and simply stupid I am. Ask any of my servants!”
More
Jade Jagger:
Resolution: “I resolve not to continue to sexualise my two tarty mini-me-girls, 13 and 16, as I
have done since they were 8 and 10 or were they 6 and 8? No more nose-bleeding-high high
heels, porn star make-up, diaphanous dresses slit up to the waist and down to the waist - like
me. And no more posing provocatively as if we are about to have sex with a rugby team.”
Reality: “Are you mad? I am the centre of the whole universe and I do exactly what I want no
matter how untalented, solipsistic, supercilious, and simply stupid I am. Ask any of my servants!”
More
All the News Not Fit to Print - 6 February 2010
It is all so mind numbing – yet so much news, so little time. Avarice, arrogance, duplicity,
exhibitionism, sex, slovenliness – all in one week.
2009 Dad of the Year, now ex-captain of the England team, John Terry ‘having problems in his
marriage’ as one plastic-cheek-boned-hair-extentions-flung-over the-shoulder Wag repeated over-
and-over-and-over again in an interview. More
It is all so mind numbing – yet so much news, so little time. Avarice, arrogance, duplicity,
exhibitionism, sex, slovenliness – all in one week.
2009 Dad of the Year, now ex-captain of the England team, John Terry ‘having problems in his
marriage’ as one plastic-cheek-boned-hair-extentions-flung-over the-shoulder Wag repeated over-
and-over-and-over again in an interview. More
This Sporting Life - 28 February 2010
“’My dog ate my homework’ I mean my mother-in-law made me do it.”
Cheryl and Ashley…Ashley and Cheryl…Cheryl and Ashley… argh. Bombarded from every
media source until déjà vu has become the norm with the footballer’s sexual antics and Cheryl’s
‘shocking’ decision to remove her wedding ring and opt for a quickie – divorce. More
“’My dog ate my homework’ I mean my mother-in-law made me do it.”
Cheryl and Ashley…Ashley and Cheryl…Cheryl and Ashley… argh. Bombarded from every
media source until déjà vu has become the norm with the footballer’s sexual antics and Cheryl’s
‘shocking’ decision to remove her wedding ring and opt for a quickie – divorce. More