| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Gossip |
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I Smell, Therefore I am - 25 August 2006
Brand Beckham now brings us Victoria’s bodacious bum. Or so we are meant to believe...but we
don’t…in the adverts for hisandher perfume. A perfume with a bodice-ripping, romance novel
cover as their selling point. “OhhhhhhDaaaaavid.” It’s all in the image, because it surely isn’t in the
perfume.
Brand Beckham now brings us Victoria’s bodacious bum. Or so we are meant to believe...but we
don’t…in the adverts for hisandher perfume. A perfume with a bodice-ripping, romance novel
cover as their selling point. “OhhhhhhDaaaaavid.” It’s all in the image, because it surely isn’t in the
perfume.
‘Baby, You’re a Rich Man, Too’- May 26 2006
Dear me. Dear me. What a little bit of power and money can do, do, do.
Here we have Prince Harry’s girlfriend’s father, Charles Davy, wrists together, arms straight
ahead: ‘Okay, okay; cuff me. I’ve been a bad boy. I’ve been a bad, bad boy.’ To jail or not to jail;
that is the question.
Dear me. Dear me. What a little bit of power and money can do, do, do.
Here we have Prince Harry’s girlfriend’s father, Charles Davy, wrists together, arms straight
ahead: ‘Okay, okay; cuff me. I’ve been a bad boy. I’ve been a bad, bad boy.’ To jail or not to jail;
that is the question.
Furry Thinking - 1 February 2006
Heir to a mind-bending £6.6 billion oil and banking fortune, 41 year old Mathew Mellon is to
appear at Bow’s Street magistrate’s court on February 23 in connection with an investigation into
an alleged phone-tapping and computer hacking gang. The operation allegedly provided clients
with confidential information about wealthy people and businesses. A gang. Mat belongs to a
gang. Hoodies in pashima.
Heir to a mind-bending £6.6 billion oil and banking fortune, 41 year old Mathew Mellon is to
appear at Bow’s Street magistrate’s court on February 23 in connection with an investigation into
an alleged phone-tapping and computer hacking gang. The operation allegedly provided clients
with confidential information about wealthy people and businesses. A gang. Mat belongs to a
gang. Hoodies in pashima.
And the Winner is.... - 25 January
With the European Lottery set at over £100 million in a few days, money is on my mind with
visions of being able to respond: “la, la,la,la,la,la” in a sing-song manner to the pretentious and
supercilious. Of course I know I won’t win, even with an optimistic attitude of ‘well, someone wins’
…but let’s just say I did. Would I follow the example set by ubiquitous self-styled, self-imposed,
self-important Gwyneth “my father was the love of my life” (a bit too creepy to contemplate for
long) Paltrow? I think not. Kabbalah visitors cleansed her North London mansion; £3.5 for the
exorcism. Dear me. How much was the original property price? Did she pay cash or did she
merely hand over her switch card to ‘the-all-knowing’? Are we to assume that her home-away-
from-home is now so pure that a simple, no-additives-added M & S vegetarian take-away would
shrivel up and die from its own tonicity upon entry?
With the European Lottery set at over £100 million in a few days, money is on my mind with
visions of being able to respond: “la, la,la,la,la,la” in a sing-song manner to the pretentious and
supercilious. Of course I know I won’t win, even with an optimistic attitude of ‘well, someone wins’
…but let’s just say I did. Would I follow the example set by ubiquitous self-styled, self-imposed,
self-important Gwyneth “my father was the love of my life” (a bit too creepy to contemplate for
long) Paltrow? I think not. Kabbalah visitors cleansed her North London mansion; £3.5 for the
exorcism. Dear me. How much was the original property price? Did she pay cash or did she
merely hand over her switch card to ‘the-all-knowing’? Are we to assume that her home-away-
from-home is now so pure that a simple, no-additives-added M & S vegetarian take-away would
shrivel up and die from its own tonicity upon entry?
Too Good To Be True - 22 October 2006
“Oh look, Guy! That one looks like you! Get me my lawyer. Now! Oh look, Guy! That one looks
like me! Get me my lawyer. Now!” Little David Banda had been one of 12 orphans and/or non-
orphans and now Madonna’s got him. She has stated categorically: “I’ll never give him up! Over
my dead body!” No worry there. Wealth usually buys health and other accoutrements.
“Oh look, Guy! That one looks like you! Get me my lawyer. Now! Oh look, Guy! That one looks
like me! Get me my lawyer. Now!” Little David Banda had been one of 12 orphans and/or non-
orphans and now Madonna’s got him. She has stated categorically: “I’ll never give him up! Over
my dead body!” No worry there. Wealth usually buys health and other accoutrements.
Duck, Cover and Hold - 17 July 2007
“I’m watching you too, Bill.” Posh’s response to her driving test instructor who thwarted her
attempts to cheat.
The proposed six-part life with Victoria Beckham “reality” TV series on US network NBC was cut
to a one-off, one hour documentary which was apparently panned there - comparing it to
watching mould growing on cheese. Would that be the omnipresent popular (American)
processed cheese? More
“I’m watching you too, Bill.” Posh’s response to her driving test instructor who thwarted her
attempts to cheat.
The proposed six-part life with Victoria Beckham “reality” TV series on US network NBC was cut
to a one-off, one hour documentary which was apparently panned there - comparing it to
watching mould growing on cheese. Would that be the omnipresent popular (American)
processed cheese? More
A Day in the Life - 2 November 2007
Heather: From me to you; do you want to know a secret?
Paul: Not guilty. Everybody’s got something to hide (except me and my monkey). Ask me why.
Heather: Too much monkey business.
Paul: The sheik of Araby? More
Heather: From me to you; do you want to know a secret?
Paul: Not guilty. Everybody’s got something to hide (except me and my monkey). Ask me why.
Heather: Too much monkey business.
Paul: The sheik of Araby? More
All I Want for Christmas is a PA - 4 December 2007
Could it be that the solution to your Christmas gift giving dilemma is a simple £4.99 purchase?
The Little Red Riders Book: The Backstage Requests Of Rock 'n' Roll's Most Famous Artists.
Perhaps not the most inspiring of titles. Nevertheless, it could be enough to satisfy the vicarious
desires those on your Christmas list. More
Could it be that the solution to your Christmas gift giving dilemma is a simple £4.99 purchase?
The Little Red Riders Book: The Backstage Requests Of Rock 'n' Roll's Most Famous Artists.
Perhaps not the most inspiring of titles. Nevertheless, it could be enough to satisfy the vicarious
desires those on your Christmas list. More
We are Living in a Material World... - 8 May 2008
Mr Madonna, aka Guy Ritchie, has taken up the cause of British property angst. Thanks, Guy.
He has declared that “big money” foreigners are buying up all the desirable properties in central
London…that Mr M’s “big money” foreigner wife might want to buy? Tut tut. More
Mr Madonna, aka Guy Ritchie, has taken up the cause of British property angst. Thanks, Guy.
He has declared that “big money” foreigners are buying up all the desirable properties in central
London…that Mr M’s “big money” foreigner wife might want to buy? Tut tut. More
It's Blowing in the Wind - 13 June 2008
A multi-coloured candyfloss confection whipping around and ending in a salute - to the Scottish
flag?- Donald Trump and his hair blew into Scotland to take over pristine, primordial sand dunes
for his controversial £1b golf resort near Aberdeen. More
A multi-coloured candyfloss confection whipping around and ending in a salute - to the Scottish
flag?- Donald Trump and his hair blew into Scotland to take over pristine, primordial sand dunes
for his controversial £1b golf resort near Aberdeen. More
Take my Wife, Please - 15 August 2008
The Rev: “Do you take Peachy to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day
forward?”
Pea: “It’s Paula, I mean Peaches! Peaches!”
The Rev: “Excuse me miss. Well, do you?”
Max: “Yer name’s Peaches?” More
The Rev: “Do you take Peachy to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day
forward?”
Pea: “It’s Paula, I mean Peaches! Peaches!”
The Rev: “Excuse me miss. Well, do you?”
Max: “Yer name’s Peaches?” More