LETTERS FROM LONDON
1. It's In The Genes
I looked up to see an enormous orange beach ball with a head and two legs on
the BBC breakfast TV red sofa. It had vermillion hair. It was a cousin to Kate
“he's lucky to have
me”Middleton.

As it turns out, Kailie (Katie-Kailie-Katie...interesting) was very fun. She was
fun and funny, witty and entertaining. Quite the opposite of Waity Katy who has
no discernable personality let alone wit. When asked if Kailie was going to the
wedding she replied: “I bloody well hope so.” I wouldn’t hold my breath. On the
channel 4 programme
Meet the Middletons she said: “I’ve asked everyone to
curtsy when they see me now.” As they should.

When interviewed on the programme, Waity-Katy’s relatives Joyce, Jean and
Brian Harrison held court; sitting at the head of the dining room table Jean
declared her strong opinions. “She’s not a commoner!” Corrected she
continued: “First time they’ve ever allowed it...(wrong Jean). She’s
extremely
passive, thoughtful...haven’t met her that often.” Was Cousin Jean
euphemistically implying without character yet calculatingly ambitious?
“Let’s hope it all goes well.”

“I hope so.” They held their collective breath as they simultaneously looked up
to the ceiling – or was it heaven – with knowing expressions. Exactly what do
they know?

Ninety-nine year old great aunt Alice: “I wonder how she’ll end up. I’m a bit
dubious about her going into the family. I don’t think she knows what she’s in
for.” Having planned it since she was ten, I rather think she does, Auntie.
Referring to WK’s socially striving shop assistant grandmother, Dorothy -
clearly the source for matriarchal ambitions: “
Pushy is the word. Pushy. For
want of a quiet life, (husband) Ron would do whatever she said he would do.”
Granny made him give up life as a lorry driver to become a builder. “The
wedding won’t make no difference in my life what’s so ever,” as she read the
book: William and Kate.

Jean filled us in: “After she met Ron, she didn’t want to know me.”  “A social
climber...not a hair out of place.” WK’s two minute stint at Jigsaw and hair
obsession rather interesting parallel wouldn’t you say.

Joyce: It must have been a love match... “because he (Ron) was so ordinary I
suppose.”

Brian: “Didn’t they (the Goldsmiths, Ron’s side of the family) call her
Lady
Dorothy.”

One of Dorothy’s ambitions was to move up the property ladder from her
council flat. Referred to as ‘the duchess’ in the village due to her ‘regal’
bearing, “she never settled for second best.” She bought the same pram as the
one Charles was pushed about in; The Regal by Silver Cross – ‘The World’s
Most Exclusive Carriages’ - apparently very striking...and very regal. “She’d
have to have the biggest pram out...so that everybody saw her with the baby in
the pram.”

Another relative: “You could say that they (the Middleton’s historically) probably
are [sic] quite dull but quite happy to be dull...and there is nothing wrong with
being dull.” Are you certain of that?

I don’t think their invites have been lost in the post.
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