|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
6 September 2019
|Fun & Games
Are we all having fun yet? Blustering blaming Boris vs shouty shrieking Jezza…
Javid’s end-of-austerity pledge to fill every peasants’ pot with a chlorinated
chicken (oh yes, Al/Boris did call JC a ”chlorinated chicken”. So not clever at
all, Al) – when there won’t be any money…Al told MPs he didn’t want an election
followed by telling them he did…Winston Churchill’s grandson! Sir Nicholas
Soames thrown out of the party. Really now! “I reaaaallly, reaaaallly want to do
the right thing.” Apparently fighting back tears. All those nationalistic, patriotic,
xenophobic references to Britain in WWII. Really! Really Boris! And. Al’s
brother Jo resigns. Ouch!
Oh and the great orator called Jezza “a big girl’s blouse”! Hmm. Really? Nice,
Al. Somehow it is easy to imagine Boris wearing a big girl’s blouse. Ha.
Then there was the drunken puppet master. Eyewitnesses are claiming
Cummings saw Jezza in Portcullis House and shouted: “Come on Jeremy. Let’s
do this election, don’t be scared!” Jezza was ‘bundled away’ by horrified aids.
And “Vote Leave, Take Control” Cummings? Weaving his way down a corridor
looking for another bottle? According to The Guardian: “The suspension,
planned by Cummings for several weeks, was partly designed to limit the time
MPs will have to block a no-deal Brexit.” Ha.
Then there was the lounging Moggy we all saw photos of. Leader of the
Commons, smug Mr Manners Moggy slouching, lounging in the House of
Commons during the debate. Ah. Not premeditated, deliberate? Oh surely not.
“Am I bored? Where’s my nanny? I need my baby blanket.”
The list of sacked MPs:
Boris has become the first Prime Minister since Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, the
third Marquess of Salisbury, to lose his first House of Commons vote. OK. Now
really having fun! With so much more to follow…
It shouldn’t happen to a dog. Barking mad Boris using a new pup as a
diversionary tactic. OK. Not barking per se, not even mad, but nevertheless;
“Let's fool the fools with a puppy. Everybody loves a cuddly puppy. Do we, by
the way, eh Carrie? My autocratic dictatorship takeover is in sight. Let’s call it
Dilyn. You know, Welsh for follow. Good eh? Follow – me?”
BBC news coverage naturally took the lead (sorry, but) with the 15 week-old
Jack Russell cross rescue dog. Quelle surprise. Evidently the puppy was born
with a crooked jaw. Metaphor alert. ‘Crooked jaw’? Hmm. Conveniently the
couple are known as ‘avid dog lovers’. Hmm. And their beloved dogs are where
now? Of course Boris has said he doesn’t like pets. Oops. Hint: be ready for
endless puppy cuddling photos regardless. Endless.
And back to the royal brand for latest? You know LA royal couple Brand H&MM
now have hired Michael Jackson’s PR person? Really? Class act.