|Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics
“Look at me! Look at me, Wendy! I can flyyyyyyyyyyyy!”
Prince William has been given his wings and we are all so proud. He has taken to the skies like a
£5,000 an-hour-public-paying- albatross. He has made five free helicopter ‘joyrides’ in a mere
few weeks and counting. Glance up at the sound of a massive troupe-carrying Chinook and wave
to fly-boy Wills.
Let’s see now: William flew over Charles’ home at Highgrove, flew to Northumberland to join a
wedding party two days later, as well as the Queen’s Sandringham home. No royals were at
home as William passed by, palace sources said. And the point?
Then William gave Prince Harry a lift from Woolwich Barracks in London to make drunken merry
and mayhem at their cousin Peter Phillips’ weekend-long stag do.
Winging-it-Wills seems to have embraced the Chinook helicopter as his main mode of transport;
comparable to us hailing a taxi - if we could afford it.
Wills couldn’t resist a fly-by over Kate “he’s lucky to have me” Middleton’s parents house.
Naturally Kate was ‘impressed’ and the parents ‘delighted’. “You’ve hooked him, Honey. We
really got him now. I’ll start wrapping the Tupperware I plan to give the Queen for Christmas.
Where is my chewing gum? I put it right here on the new 18th century Baroque Boulle console
A dip here… a dip there. But - when is a stunt a stunt and not military training? When the head of
the RAF, Air Chief Marshall Sir Glenn Torphy, is said to be incandescent. He was sent into a
rage over the "sheer stupidity" of the situation and has demanded a "line by line" - or a flight-by-
flight - explanation from his subordinates.
The spin came speeding in from all sides. The MoD publicly defended William claiming the trip
was part of his “routine training" but in private officials are understood to be furious. A royal
source claims that William, who is on attachment with the RAF and has been learning to fly,
missed a training session last week and was naturally offered one of the RAF’s 48 Chinooks…
whilst those on the front lines in Afghanistan must make do with 10. They do try terribly hard,
Perhaps Charles could have offered one of his 16 polo ponies to take the boys to the weekend
of debauchery. A couple of years ago Charles had given up polo because he didn’t want to
contribute to increased carbon emissions by travelling to and from polo games by helicopter.
Our £30,000 allowed W&H to dare girls to expose their breasts, party with a lap dancer Gigi La
Chance and accomplices to pull Will’s trousers down. Goodness me, those boys can party.
Perhaps they should let themselves out for hire: “Couple of fun-loving lads offer personal pickup
service anywhere in Britain, pants down partying past dawn, unreasonable prices…leave
At the risk of leaving an indulgent, hedonistic, ‘let the peasants pay’ playboy image too long in the
minds of the increasingly financially anxious public, Prince William has paid a mature, caring heir
to the throne visit to Defence Rehabilitation Centre at Headley Court, accompanying Harry to a
military hospital for soldiers injured in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Possibly Charles could suggest a budget for William’s merrymaking spending, but I fear that
might cost us all a small fortune considering PC’s jaw-dropping expenses.
In keeping with tradition of St George’s Day (patron saint of soldiers and England), the Queen
has appointed Prince William to be a Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the
Garter; William becomes the 1000th Knight in the Register. It’s the most senior and the oldest
British Order of Chivalry founded by Edward III in 1348.
The Order honours those who have held public office or who have contributed in a particular way
to national life or who have served the Sovereign personally. Evidently it must have been those
‘serving the Sovereign personally’ Chinook visits to Grannie that paid off. Make note. The
ceremony takes place in June at Windsor Castle…heads down.