LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
14 September 2014
Fashionably Yours

Looking for inspiration with London Fashion Week upon us? Look no further.
What do you reckon? Will the newly discovered love of tartans be thumbs down
with the Scots thumbs down on the English regardless of the vote? Wear a
Wallace clan shawl? At your own peril.

Will leather take the lead? Black naturellement. But can only be worn by non-
vegetarians surely. Trousers...second-skin tight trousers, biker jackets, bucket
bags, big boots. Never really took to leather. Not only hot as in sweat-
producing, but too obvious as cool, so not so cool. Leave it to Brando posters.
If you have forgotten:
The Wild One 1953.

More skins then? Leopard print refuses to die a natural death. Sheepskin is
supposed to be everywhere except of course on the sheep. Mutton dressed as
lamb? Sûrement pas. Of course carnivores will be stuffing their little faces on
lamb: chops, shanks, legs. Evidently Cara Delevingne loves piggys – once they
are made into bacon. CD has had the bottom of her foot tattooed with the word
B A C O N. Ouch!  More ouch! That must have been quite painful, unless she
was feeling no pain.... I’m missing the point completely. Will she simply hold up
her sock-less foot when she wants to buy bacon at her local butcher’s or order
it at her favourite restaurant? Fashion statement or simply stupid.  No need to
answer.

Oh look. It’s Jen’s latest exhibitionist effort. Jen (Aniston if you are in any doubt
and surely you’re not) with her plus one ‘boyfriend’ Justin Theroux attended the
Toronto Film Festival premiere of her new film,
Cake, which has received
predictably distasteful (sorry) reviews: ‘dry, unsatisfying, hard to swallow,
shallow,  predictable’. Really?

JT: “Jen. Are you really going to wear that?”

JA: “Huh? Why not?”

JT: “Hmmm. Because it’s transparent and you’re not wearing a bra?”

JA: “So. That’s the whole point Justin you jerk.”

JT: “Jen, honey. You’re 45 and even your skirt is mid-thigh.”

JA: “What are you saying exactly?”

JT: “Ummm. Nothing. Nothing at all.”

JA: “Good. Come on. I need as much time on the red carpet as possible.”

JT: “You’re not trying to compete with Ang...”

JA: “Shut up! You know you’re not allowed to mention her name ever.”

No surprise that all eyes were on Jen’s obvious nipples. You didn’t think she
was making a political statement did you? Of course up didn’t. You didn’t think
she was making a fashion statement did you? Of course you didn’t. But
regrettably she did achieve her intention as the press covered her lack of
cover. Pity.

Back to reality...ha. LFW features 82 designers with more than 5,000 visitors
attending the 30th year event. Mayor Boris, who has taken time out from his
demanding diary campaigning-by-stealth to become PM, announced that not
only is “London a global leader of fashion” (particularly if cool innovation is the
criterion) but also “one of the tech capitals of the world”.  

British Fashion Council chairwoman, Natalie Massenet (you know, Net-A-Porter
founder) opened the event with a promise to make London the world’s most
tech-savvy capital with (optimistically) 100% of designers on e-commerce sites.

The British fashion industry adds £26bn to the economy, on-line fashion is at a
noteworthy £10.7bn. Click-and-buy is now the way to go – into debt. For the
first time Apple invited fashion mavens and bloggers to be at the event. They’ll
all be there - with bloggers now taking up the best seats.

Poor Jen. She’ll be tearing out her hair (we can only hope) once she goes onto
Facebook, Youtube, Twitter with all that breast-revealing competition on the
catwalk. Ahhhh.
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