LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
19 May 2018
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Fairy Tale Fantasy

All the hysteria whipped up by the media, you know, counting the days. I may
have missed the hours and minutes. So, job done. “THE WHOLE WORLD IS
WATCHING” is over for the minute. It has been simply continuously, incessantly
ceaseless. There was nowhere to hide. And now for the replays.


Nonetheless, we weren’t watching. According to the HuffPost survey by YouGov
66 percent of Brits had no interest in the totally hyped, frenzied, fanatical
fantasy ‘fairy tale’ event the world has been waiting for. 60 percent continued
their daily peasant lives, 70 percent interviewed said they weren’t interested at
all. 57 percent think the royal couple, that very, very rich couple should at least
pay for police and security…oh that
, at least £32m? Well, they are nearly
knackered dragging off those rough sleepers in their sleeping bags aren’t they?
The security that is. Not H&M. But police leaving and possibly singing gospel
with the royal followers in their sleeping bags. Indeed. So all that hyperbole
about the whole world was not only watching but spellbound to the point of
madness. (Get it? Spellbound? Sorry, but all this is driving me mad). And those
statistics then?


We peasant taxpayers are paying 15 times more than the royals. Quelle
surprise. Well, they are splashing the cash on the flowers. Right. Each one an
über millionaire if you have forgotten. I know. How could you? Oh those entitled
royals. The two “we will save the world” will be doing all that charity work.
Splashing the cash? Oh please. It would never occur to them would it? £100,000
for the dress. Really. “The starving serfs deserve us and expect us to be ever so
royal.”


“Oh they are so so modern. A breath of fresh air. They are just like us. They are
so natural, so real, so normal. Ah.” Ah
, so 55 percent of Brits think the existence
of the monarchy is largely positive, but only 37 percent of 18-30-year-olds do.
Hmmm. Not looking good for so modern MM in the future. But MM informed us
that they “wanted to share our special day with all of you - commoners, I mean
loyal subjects of the realm”, regardless if we want to or not. So generous, so
entitled, so nauseating. It is surely worth noting here that the royal sycophants
actually believe they know the ‘fairly tale’ couple personally – and the
correspondents as well. Scary really.


Even with all OTT coverage, MM’s popularity is currently equal only to - Charles.
Gosh. Poor Charles. Only 2 percent in the UK named MM as their favourite. Oh
dear. All that hugging – not working? Harry came in at 18 percent while the
Queen obviously was the clear winner.


Dodgy and dumb, oh dear. And that’s not just the royals. Clearly Meghan the
Menace’s family surpasses them – way surpasses - even Harry’s ‘Nazi evening’
and naked Las Vegas orgies. Oh those Americans just never edit do they?
“Stop. Get the press. I have a thought.” And that right there is worth the media
coverage. I hate to say the obvious, but you couldn’t make it up. Although MM’s
family seems to have. “She’s incredibly ruthless and controlling. She dumps her
friends if they don’t agree with her. Oh she’ll be such a wonderful queen. Just
perfect for the role.”


No father, no Pippa…Wait! No Pippa? And no Chelsy Davey. No! Really?! Not
invited to the wedding reception. Wondering who made that decision? All right.
You know. Lucky for Kate that she was included. Hmmm. Do we see handbags
– or tiaras - at dawn? Friends have said: “Chelsy [was] surprised too, shocked
in fact, and a little hurt" as they have stayed friends since their break-up in
2011. Not nice Harry, was it?


Well, it was clearly Meghan the Menace’s wedding. She did choose to walk
down the aisle half way by herself. Rather like marrying yourself, no? Harry and
MM were guests at Pippa’s wedding lest we forget. And shouldn’t MM who so
loves her father have sent someone over to protect, help him? And shouldn’t she
– heart attack, hospital? ”I have always cared for my father.” Clearly not. Not
nice, Meghan was it? “Well. He recognised my voice. Wasn’t like that was like
enough?” Although she did admit he didn’t answer her call, so she texted him, as
you do. Caring gesture, no?


According to ‘sources’ Wills and Ex-Waity are allegedly blaming Meghan the
Menace for “the whole mess” and worry about what Prince Harry “has gotten
into” by marrying her. Gosh. Things are getting very messy. Rather like a soap
opera. If only EastEnders was this – erm – messy.


OK. Let’s take a view of a few rather ‘unconventional’ episodes. Couldn’t or
shouldn’t: MM inform her furious step-siblings they weren’t invited? Make a quick
visit to support her father when he was clearly suffering? If you need reminding,
the reclusive father MM has “always cared for” [sic] - for? Invited her mother
whom she ‘is so close to’ so the woman wouldn’t arrive totally jet-lagged the day
before the wedding to have tea with the Queen, etc? Hmm. Traditionally isn’t the
mother of the bride available to help? Really now. You know this is – erm –
strange. Worry about what Harry “has gotten into” by marrying her may be quite
prophetic.


All right. No holding back here. The commentary was utterly excruciating. There
weren’t enough sick bags to go round. OMG! And the ‘preacher’ overacting was
equally so. OMG! Cringe-making? Oh way beyond that “Oh let me tell ya
somethin’…” Halleluyah! Stand by me! Don’t.


Think back to May
19, 1536 and yes, noticing the date, the day Anne Boleyn
lost her head. As queen, Anne Boleyn was recognized as outspoken, a
fashionista and an adulteress (true or not true). Three years of marriage, no
male heir, Henry VIII lost interest. He sent her to the Tower as you know. Harry
's
real name: Henry. Just saying.


“I think the royal family would almost certainly have considered the fact that the
date is the anniversary of Anne Boleyn’s execution,” said Elizabeth Norton, a
British historian who specializes in English queens and the Tudor period. And
what is she just saying then? Hmm. Curious.


Fracking On

Back to reality. True to form and ideology the Tories have been busy secretly
planning more evilness. Want to try a guess? No, it’s fracking. Again. They are
very determined to destroy this island in every way they can.


They have rightly been accused of planning to open up the countryside to
“cowboy” operations. When we think of ‘cowboys’ where do we think of? Utah.
Right. Where they have had earthquakes and fracking companies are free to
roam.


The government is in a rush to get the regulations through before anyone
notices. Poisoning the populous and earth has been “disappointingly slow”.
Clue: no planning application required.


With so many innovative ecological advances, funnily they haven’t noticed.
Right. Oh, I know. They should build those few thousand homes (rather than the
four million needed) they plan to build on fracking land. Perfection. Oh wait. I am
confused. Isn’t this the ‘green’ Gove government? Imagine the fun for the
children to see flames shooting out from the taps and earthquakes. The little
ones can drink coke instead of contaminated toxic water. How exciting. Magical
really.


A campaigner for Friends of the Earth, Rose Dickinson, said: “The
Government
's plans pervert the planning process and could make England’s
landscape a Wild West for whatever cowboy want
s to start drilling.” The Wild
West. How exciting for the little children. Do you suppose the companies will be
handing out bows and arrows?
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