 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
The Empress' New Clothes - 6 May 2007
12 seconds, £3 million pounds. Not bad for a few seconds spent at the office.
Kate Moss stood dressed in her £200 limited edition red dress (check eBay to view) in the
windows of Selfridges’ department store demonstrating a rather surly expression on her prized
face for 12 seconds. “Where’s the check, Phil? Is that it in your hand?”
“Of course, my little money making wonder. Here you go. Make sure it goes right into the bank
now.”
“Let me count those zeros. One, two, three...six. Three mil. Totally cool. Pete will be over the
moon.” (Now that would be quite the high).
When pressed by the press for confirmation on the potential popularity of Kate’s collection,
TopShop’s owner Sir Philip Green said: "For me, it's all about running a business and making a
financially successful decision. Just look at the pieces here, they are all just innately part of
Kate's style, they have her initials embroidered onto them, so people can really feel that they're
wearing the same clothes that their style icon wears."
That would surely do it for me. I’d only have to gaze upon those valued initials to be transported
into the world of celebrity money, sex and drugs. But retailers beware: "Everything's copyrighted
and I will sue," warned Sir Phi. Copy what was initially store-bought? Lest we forget, these items
were copied from Kate’s own wardrobe by the six designers, buyers and merchandisers hand-
picked by Sir Phil, plus Moss’ very own stylists and make-up artists. Quite the collaborative effort
for £30 tiny denim hot pants.
Curiously, while the determined throngs had queued for hours, they didn’t necessarily buy the five
items per customer allowance out of the 60 pieces on offer. The papers were filled with
accounts of an hysterical horde, a frenzy flock of 14 year olds clutching hundred pound notes in
their fists, held back by a 20 member security force. But when interviewed for TV, most of the
Moss enthusiasts lacked enthusiasm for the collection and actually bought standard TopShop
fare. “Nice, but….”
Reports say thousands of the (un)designed items are left unsold on eBay. Although some
dresses were attracting bids of £200 or more, there were scores of items failing to prompt any
activity. That special edition red dress Kate wore when posing in the store's window for that 12
seconds, has received one bid of a £250, a mere £50 more than one off the rack. Hmmm. What
are we to assume then?
Well. There is that one caveat: style cannot be bought or taught, it is innate - although granted,
that doesn’t stop the clambering crowd from buying and trying.
Last month it was truly pandemonium at the grand opening of the massively successful cut-price
fashion chain, Primark on London’s Oxford Street. Customers queued all night and brawled their
way inside to appropriate anything and everything in sight – falsely rumoured to be £1 the first
hour of shopping. With dresses at only £3 and £4, a therapist could write a book. Mounted police
were drafted in to help security staff cope with the melee.
Last month saw massive, passive queues snaked around and around for Anya Hindmarch’s now
famous beige (such a practical colour) £5 ‘I’m NOT A Plastic bag’, created to replace plastic
carrier bags. Right.
Yesterday at 5am, hundreds of women - and men – queued with heads and faces covered
(though maybe not the latter) to obtain Beauty Serum No7 from the ubiquitous chemist, Boots.
Caps, scarves, coats and newspapers protected their identities. They didn’t want their family,
friends and neighbours to know that they were on the quest to reduce their wrinkled faces, even
if most were in their 20’s, except for the men.
On Oxford Street, the store opened at 7am. It had been established independently that the
miracle cream worked; surprise, surprise. Skin improved within a month for a mere £16.75 as
opposed to the standard £175-380 jar of celebrity-favoured creams. It sold out within 24 hours in
every shop in the UK. Boots has been working flat out day and night to produce 1000 bottles an
hour. One item per person allowed. A bottle was sold every 10 seconds with production
increased to 24,000 bottles a day.
This current herd mentality of tribal gatherings is a bit strange. Wrestling, grappling, tussling,
scuffling to obtain a product, an item, any item is particularly curious in a two-makes-a-queue
country. It must be said, queuing is no longer mandatory, but brawling without a pub in sight?
Bizarre I tell you. Is it ambitious competitiveness, material greed, vicarious vacuity? Well, it is
something to do.
I am just thrilled to bits that I’ve put aside that extra £2,777 for a platinum superseat, £555.40 for
a transaction service charge - plus postage for the upcoming Barbra Streisand concert. Holding
my breath. “People, people who need people….”
12 seconds, £3 million pounds. Not bad for a few seconds spent at the office.
Kate Moss stood dressed in her £200 limited edition red dress (check eBay to view) in the
windows of Selfridges’ department store demonstrating a rather surly expression on her prized
face for 12 seconds. “Where’s the check, Phil? Is that it in your hand?”
“Of course, my little money making wonder. Here you go. Make sure it goes right into the bank
now.”
“Let me count those zeros. One, two, three...six. Three mil. Totally cool. Pete will be over the
moon.” (Now that would be quite the high).
When pressed by the press for confirmation on the potential popularity of Kate’s collection,
TopShop’s owner Sir Philip Green said: "For me, it's all about running a business and making a
financially successful decision. Just look at the pieces here, they are all just innately part of
Kate's style, they have her initials embroidered onto them, so people can really feel that they're
wearing the same clothes that their style icon wears."
That would surely do it for me. I’d only have to gaze upon those valued initials to be transported
into the world of celebrity money, sex and drugs. But retailers beware: "Everything's copyrighted
and I will sue," warned Sir Phi. Copy what was initially store-bought? Lest we forget, these items
were copied from Kate’s own wardrobe by the six designers, buyers and merchandisers hand-
picked by Sir Phil, plus Moss’ very own stylists and make-up artists. Quite the collaborative effort
for £30 tiny denim hot pants.
Curiously, while the determined throngs had queued for hours, they didn’t necessarily buy the five
items per customer allowance out of the 60 pieces on offer. The papers were filled with
accounts of an hysterical horde, a frenzy flock of 14 year olds clutching hundred pound notes in
their fists, held back by a 20 member security force. But when interviewed for TV, most of the
Moss enthusiasts lacked enthusiasm for the collection and actually bought standard TopShop
fare. “Nice, but….”
Reports say thousands of the (un)designed items are left unsold on eBay. Although some
dresses were attracting bids of £200 or more, there were scores of items failing to prompt any
activity. That special edition red dress Kate wore when posing in the store's window for that 12
seconds, has received one bid of a £250, a mere £50 more than one off the rack. Hmmm. What
are we to assume then?
Well. There is that one caveat: style cannot be bought or taught, it is innate - although granted,
that doesn’t stop the clambering crowd from buying and trying.
Last month it was truly pandemonium at the grand opening of the massively successful cut-price
fashion chain, Primark on London’s Oxford Street. Customers queued all night and brawled their
way inside to appropriate anything and everything in sight – falsely rumoured to be £1 the first
hour of shopping. With dresses at only £3 and £4, a therapist could write a book. Mounted police
were drafted in to help security staff cope with the melee.
Last month saw massive, passive queues snaked around and around for Anya Hindmarch’s now
famous beige (such a practical colour) £5 ‘I’m NOT A Plastic bag’, created to replace plastic
carrier bags. Right.
Yesterday at 5am, hundreds of women - and men – queued with heads and faces covered
(though maybe not the latter) to obtain Beauty Serum No7 from the ubiquitous chemist, Boots.
Caps, scarves, coats and newspapers protected their identities. They didn’t want their family,
friends and neighbours to know that they were on the quest to reduce their wrinkled faces, even
if most were in their 20’s, except for the men.
On Oxford Street, the store opened at 7am. It had been established independently that the
miracle cream worked; surprise, surprise. Skin improved within a month for a mere £16.75 as
opposed to the standard £175-380 jar of celebrity-favoured creams. It sold out within 24 hours in
every shop in the UK. Boots has been working flat out day and night to produce 1000 bottles an
hour. One item per person allowed. A bottle was sold every 10 seconds with production
increased to 24,000 bottles a day.
This current herd mentality of tribal gatherings is a bit strange. Wrestling, grappling, tussling,
scuffling to obtain a product, an item, any item is particularly curious in a two-makes-a-queue
country. It must be said, queuing is no longer mandatory, but brawling without a pub in sight?
Bizarre I tell you. Is it ambitious competitiveness, material greed, vicarious vacuity? Well, it is
something to do.
I am just thrilled to bits that I’ve put aside that extra £2,777 for a platinum superseat, £555.40 for
a transaction service charge - plus postage for the upcoming Barbra Streisand concert. Holding
my breath. “People, people who need people….”
