LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
November 16 2012
Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest

If it isn't obvious - people are stupid. For starters this is clearly apparent from
the cultural dumbing down as evidenced by the hysterical obsession with
pointless celebrities and quasi-celebrities with combined IQs could barely
change a light bulb - once trained.

But now it's official: we are thick. A leading geneticist, Professor Gerald
Crabtree from Stanford University in California believes we're doomed to
idiocy. Since people created cities we've been intellectually in decline due to
genetic mutations - not simply from watching reality TV - although....

In terms of more than ninety-nine percent of human evolution we have lived as
hunter-gatherers. But with the development of an agrarian culture and cities our
bigger brains have ceased to further mutate.

Professor Crabtree says: “I would wager that if an average citizen from Athens
of 1000BC were to appear suddenly among us, he or she would be among the
brightest and most intellectually alive of our colleagues and companions, with a
good memory, a broad range of ideas and a clear-sighted view of important
issues... Furthermore, I would guess that he or she would be among the most
emotionally stable of our friends and colleagues...  A hunter-gatherer who did
not correctly conceive a solution to providing food or shelter probably died,
along with his or her progeny, whereas a modern Wall Street executive that
made a similar conceptual mistake would receive a substantial bonus and be a
more attractive mate.” Ah. A scientist with a sense of humor.

Could it be that the most challenging decisions we make on a daily basis involve
iPad games.


BBC Boffins

The ineptitude of the BBC bosses has lead to ignoring the hundreds of the used
and abused. It's the children, stupid. The falsely accused Tory peer Lord
McAlpine (due to a police cock-up) holds onto the headlines. Meanwhile, the
damaged Steve Messham continues to suffer.

We the peasants will now pay the millionaire Lord McAlpine £185,000 in an out-
of-court settlement after
Newsnight wrongly implicating him in the north Wales
child sex scandal. Lord McAlpine has plans to sue anyone who has ever
mentioned/tweeted his name: "We know who you are." Clearly he has never
heard of the Children in Need charity begging for donations at the moment.

In the past few days Steve Messham has tweeted: "my head is all over the
place. going to take a couple of days away from all of this... my head has gone
cant sleep and i keep seeing these evil people... please Lord Mcalpine i never
never ever knew you were the wrong man i am so so sorry... I have had more
tablets from my GP they dont work i have been up 54 hours now...why is it at
night at home i cant stop crying i feel so sick i see everything."

Messham, sexually abused by his father and in care, was labelled 'a weirdo' by
ex-Tory MP David Mellor. Hmmm. Perhaps if Mr Mellor had been raped more
than 50 times as a boy....

Vice-chairman Diane Coyle was increasing her intelligence while watching
Strictly Come Dancing and enjoying a bottle of wine when she got the call to
hand outgoing curious George Entwistle his £450,000 pay-off to stay stum.
Terribly professional - and I don't mean the dancers.

No worries regarding retribution. All Souls Church next to BBC Broadcasting
House is praying for the BBC. "Help them to reach for the highest professional
standards, especially when budgets are stretched, time is tight and competition
increasing. May they resist the temptation to follow the consensus, jump to easy
conclusions, pander to prejudice or cut corners." You'd think he was praying
for PM CallMeDave, who so far has not had the church doors locked,
determined as he is to see the destruction and demise of the BBC on
instructions from his mentor Murdoch.


Playing Dumb

Amazon, Starbucks, Google executives played dumb and smug when
questioned on their collective total UK tax evasion by MPs on the Public
Accounts Committee.

Amazon's director of public policy Andrew Cecil was accused of being "totally
evasive", having a "ridiculous answer" and being simply "pathetic". Committee
chairman Margaret Hodge accused Cecil of "pretend ignorance". AC:
"Shouldn't you be more appreciative? Think of the discounts you're getting."
Cecil claimed he had no idea of Amazon's UK revenues or tax structure.

Starbucks' Troy Alstead, referred to as an "American corporate suit" by an MP
pleaded poverty. No money has been made in the UK. TA: "Come on, Dudes.
We are forced to open 10 new shops a day to not make a profit."

Google's Matt Brittin pointed out that Google's operations are completely legal.
MB: "We're merely following government policy and logging every email you
send to our database in Utah. You should be paying us."

Hodge replied: "We are not accusing you of being illegal, we are accusing you
of being immoral." Collectively: " Huh?"


Not As Clever As a Pig

Peppa is celebrating. Peppa's Christmas Wish book has surpassed Pippa's
Celebrate on UK charts. In the US a $50 of Celebrate copy is available for
$29.75. Amazon is trying to clear out their surplus by reducing the 'how to
make a sandwich' book for £12 down from £25. Although 30 new copies are
available for £9.90 or 5 used for £10.20. Perhaps we're not so intellectually
challenged after all.

Peppa's instructions: jump enthusiastically in every mud puddle. Pippa's
instructions: how to make ice cubes  - so necessary at a party where drinks
are served. Pippa describes herself as "a chart-topping author".
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