|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
30 June 2018
Just when you thought it was all sorted, it isn’t. Megan the Menace’s father, ‘Mr
Markle demands a royal visit’. Hmm. Interesting; a demand. Seems to run in the
He has reportedly “blasted the Queen for refusing to meet with him and instead
choosing to see the “arrogant and insensitive” Donald Trump.” Oh dear, oh dear.
Not looking good is it? First the demand and then the blast.
Mr Markle told US celebrity website TMZ – his choice of venting venue and
revealing revelations – the one he has chosen to speak with several times, that
he had been frozen out by the royals ever since he did his interview with Good
Oops. He had already been frozen out by Meghan. Remember her loving
attention to him pre-wedding. Right. There wasn’t any. Blanked? No. Really.
Surely Mr Markle isn’t expecting more, is he? He said he had not heard from
anyone at the palace since his interview. Quelle surprise.
“If the Queen is willing to meet our arrogant and insensitive President she has no
excuse not to meet me, I’m nowhere near as bad,” he said. Meghan evidently
And as for MM? Well, sit down and have a cup of tea – joking – only MM has tea
- with the Queen as of late. Anyway, MM has made her choice of personal aide.
I know. You don’t care at all, but if you did, you would just know it’s going to be
‘the American way’, don’t you? As the 51st state, I suppose MM’s
Americanisation of the royal family is inevitable. Hugging, yoga, veganism,
Evangelical preaching, ad inf. But lest we forget - the UK’s obsession and
adoration of American celebrity. I thought not.
No experienced Royal advisor chosen, but – this is really good – from one who
had worked for Madonna. Really! ‘Material Girl’ Madonna. Good god. Evidently,
the Palace staff are telling tales about how MM’s post-Madonna advisor has been
calling up big brands and naturally asking for freebies. So LA. Are we having
fun yet? I’m thinking their sobriquet, Meghan the Menace could be replaced by
– hmm – something more – apt. Your call.
At All Costs
MPs have revealed plans to effectively spend £20bn of taxpayers’ money to
impress The Donald. This is to maintain our “usefulness” to the US and our
“influence” within US-led NATO. Post-Brexit Little Britain? Oh be serious now.
The Commons Defence Committee has urged the government to raise defence
spending from 2% of GDP to 3%. Shoulder to shoulder and all that. More
pathetic poodle vs wilful warmonger.
The committee has decided any UK diminished capacity reduces our usefulness
to the US and our influence within NATO. The UK maintains the biggest defence
budget in Europe. So it’s £60bn vs £40bn for The Donald. Think he’ll notice the
UK’s fawning gesture? Remember he slated the NATO allies for not paying up as
much as the US. Hmmm. Clearly he has not noticed the economy differences
between, oh say, Greenland and the US. He tweeted that the US pays “close to
the entire cost of NATO…they pay only a fraction of the cost-and laugh!”. Not
exactly. That laughter he hears is clearly at The Donald.
Defence secretary Gavin Williamson has threatened Theresa, if she doesn’t
acquiesce. Remember? He made her, so he could “break her”. Ew. “Break her.”
Let’s not even think about how – no images please. Well, Theresa did fall on her
knees to William (nearly) – I know – one of those moments when as much as
you wanted to look away at her excruciatingly embarrassing and inappropriate
gesture, you were compelled to replay it – over and over again. Anyway, the
point? So why not repeat that with The Don? We’ll see.
Or…noting at the EU summit, the Belgian PM ambushed Theresa with a football
shirt. Yet another cringe-making moment for May. And surely she was planning
to surprise The Don with a t-shirt: SPECIAL on one side, RELATIONSHIP on the
Our Brexit President
If you missed it, Inside the American Embassy on channel 4 Monday night, the
incredibly smug billionaire businessman and naturally American ambassador,
‘Woody’ Johnson suggested to national security adviser Mark Sedwill that
Johnson’s boss should be the “first big visit” after we leave the EU. This ‘Woody’
who is chair of Johnson & Johnson and has unending admiration for Coca Cola.
That Coca Cola that replaces coke for water to the children of the Third World.
Thus, The Don would be the “Brexit president”, clearly to save us from our
He also said: “I’m super confident about the relationship between the US and the
UK. I’m very confident about our future together, I’m very confident about what
happens after Brexit.” Uh oh. Hinting he will buy up the entire country- what’s left
that is? He is “super confident…very confident…very confident. Not looking
good. And you just know how easy that is. Time to memorise the Pledge of
Allegiance. Hand on hearts.
Earlier this month, Buffoon Boris said he admires The Don’s uncompromising
way of dealing with EU bureaucrats, claiming he “might get somewhere” if he
dealt with Brexit. Planning to spend more time hanging out with the terribly
articulate, super confident, very confident ‘Woody’ then, Boris?
Don’t miss next week’s episode, if you can possibly stand him/them/whatever.
Oh and perhaps Gavin (Williamson) will get to grovel at the feet of ‘Woody’. It’s
said he is frantically desperate to get his foot in the door – and possibly his
sleeping bag? You just know he has memorised the Pledge of Allegiance. It
could be useful when Gavin “takes down Theresa’s government…”
Reasons Not to be Cheerful
If you are outraged that The Don plans to now indefinitely imprison families
seeking asylum, you might want to know he has taken the lead from Australia.
Yes. Not really a surprise as we know their policy of ‘let them die’ at sea – or on
their islands of choice.
Those desperately seeking refuges, are sent to Nauru or to Papua New Guinea’s
Manus Island. Warehoused in appalling conditions for indefinite detention, as
you do. No journalists are allowed to land.
The difference then between the US and Australia? In Brownsville, Texas in a
converted Walmart processing facility, children are being forced to start off their
days by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance; in English of course.
Next: a match made in heaven. Menacing mega-multinationals, Bayer and
Monsanto have merged finally. Yes. Be afraid, be very afraid. Not that it will do
anything to change that.
Producing and spreading world-wide Roundup and GM have resulted in a world-
wide hatred of brand Monsanto. Remember Agent Orange? One of their
specialities. The merging of food, agriculture and medicine, health. Just think of
the toxicity. What a good idea.
Next: Jeremy Hunt's birthday present to the NHS celebrating its 70th year?
Rationed or cancelled: Tonsillectomy, Haemorrhoid, Carpal tunnel, Breast
reduction, Glue Ear, Shoulder/knee, Dupuytren, Ganglion, Trigger finger, etc-
this according to Dr Rachel Clarke.
Perpetually grinning – clearly with the thrill of the demise of the NHS - Jeremy
claimed it was because the treatments are 'ineffective'. Surely he wrote this in
his birthday card sent to a young child suffering from chronic tonsillitis.