28 May 2017
Do You Want To Know a Secret          

Oh that ‘special relationship’ that Theresa and Tories spin to the point of us
collectively wishing for immediate death as the only relief. There isn’t one, there
never was one. Get over it. The US doesn’t know where Britain is. The best you
could hope for is: “England. Oh yeah. They have a queen don’t they? Do they?”

As you know, the US has been leaking, well, more flooding as much information
as they can in regards to the Manchester bombing sources.  Initially CBS and
NBC specifically ignored the British police when asked to hold off revealing
anything that would undermine the investigation. So what do they do next? They
announce the name of the bomber.

Then? The New York Times prints the bomb, detonator, rucksack, bomb bits.
Americans don’t edit, and yes, The Donald is a perfect example of that
phenomenon, but this is beyond their modus operandi.

Why? The British are ‘furious’ – really apoplectic. Manchester police announced
they were going to refuse to share any information as a result of the utter hubris
of the US media. Did they stop leaking invaluable information? Oh course not.

‘Five Eyes’, how the spies share information, consists of the UK, the Canada,
New Zealand, Australia: US’AUS/CAN/NZ/UK/US EYES ONLY’. Well, clearly not
for their eyes only.

The presidential response to the horrific event, in case you missed it – how
could you - was The Orange One using the ‘L’ word – repeatedly. “They’re
looooooooooooooooosers. Looooooooooooosers. Evil Looooooosers,” every
time he saw a camera. Ah. So presidential. OK. So American then.

How could we forget the best bits of when The Donald left his country. Macron
winning the handshakes, Melania winning the no hand-holding and then there is
the very best: ‘when push came to shove’. Unfortunately, Montenegro’s prime
minister didn’t win. It would have been so entertaining if The Donald had actually
pushed him over.

Pole Panic

The ‘lady’s (lady?) not for turning’, she’s for U-turning…again. Clearly Theresa
would sell her soul if she had one. Soul? Hmmm. Sole though? One of those
kitten heel soles? Oh dear. Help. I’ve gone totally mental, but isn’t this ruthless
‘lady’ driving you mad? Nearly irrational?

You have to ask what wouldn’t this woman do to be crowned empress? Let me
help you here: nothing! The demented ‘dementia tax’? Oh right. That dementia
tax now that ‘strong & stable’ Theresa has made a screeching U-turn on the
centrepiece of her manifesto after a mere four days.

Theresa refused to admit she had performed yet another U-turn telling her
audience: "Nothing has changed, nothing has changed." Well, we know she’s
‘decisive’ on U-turning don’t we?

She insisted she was “clarifying any doubt about our social care policy and the
family home” – repeatedly accusing Jeremy of making “fake claims” about it.
The woman’s demented.

When Theresa was interviewed by Andrew Neil on BBC2, we had such evasive
empty on tape rhetoric, you had to wonder if she had a spontaneous thought
under her helmet hair.

Theresa repeatedly accused Jeremy of trying to ‘sneak’ – yes, ‘sneak’ into
Number 10. Ah the image. Via an unlocked backdoor, an open loo window,
covered in a blanket, inside a box, along with daily provisions?

Somehow, ‘sneak’ is not quite what you’d want to hear from an articulate PM
would you. Although if anyone is sneaky, we know who that is and we know the
one thing Jeremy isn’t, it’s sneaky. With Lynton’s choice of words here, do you
suppose it’s popular in Australia? Or Messina’s in the US. Your vote. Admittedly
I was a bit distracted trying to figure out what animal she looks like. You know
she didn’t answer one question, but she never does. All that ‘Theresa-speak’. If
you care, you can read below:

1. Theresa was asked whether she would rule out a future rise in National
Insurance, after having cancelled her previous one. She didn’t answer the

2. Theresa was asked whether she could “give us an idea of what the cap might
be, the amount we’ll have to pay for social care?” She didn’t answer the question.

3. Theresa was asked about her spending pledge for the National Health
Service: “How are you going to pay for the extra £8bn for the NHS?” She didn’t
answer the question.

4. Theresa had previously said there could be “dire consequences” from a
Brexit deal. She was asked what they might be. She didn’t answer the question.

5. Theresa was asked “how many pensioners will lose their winter fuel
allowance” as a result of her decision to means test the plan. She didn’t answer
the question.

6. Theresa was asked whether she would rule out a future rise in National
Insurance, after having cancelled her previous one. She didn’t answer the

According to Theresa a vote for Corbyn means your death-by-terrorists is
imminent. Now how irresponsible, ludicrous. “I, Theresa, can stop those
terrorists myself. Look how scary I can make my face. See? Scary! Vote for
me, me, me.”  Meanwhile, Mancunians have been extraordinary.

Making Fun

Was that fun? Well, in a perverse sort of way. And now for the real fun bit.
Turner prize winner, Jeremy (cue the irony) Deller has been revealed as the
creator of a guerrilla style campaign. "Strong and stable my arse" signs have
been put up all over London; walls, bus stops, etc. Members of the Flyingleaps
art project are responsible. It may not be fun per se, but what’s not to love? The
political message has gone viral.

The Devil to Pay

Goodness me, Lynton. Theresa’s election campaign guru has been caught out
receiving at least £150,000 payout from a mysterious firm in a tax haven. As you
do. And what did Theresa promise? Hint: what didn’t she. But in this case,
Lynton benefited from this windfall despite Theresa’s promise to hit duty
dodgers. It was essential that business showed “everyone is playing by the same
rules. I’m putting you on warning. This can’t go on any more…” except for those
of her personal inner circle.

Good Grief

Did you miss the front page of The Sun: ‘MAY: MY ANGUISH? PM opens her
heart to share grief over murdered children’.

So touched, I mean Theresa. Theresa who waited until Sunday to feel her
anguish. Clue:
Sunday paper. Second clue: The Sun. Third clue: the front page
in uppercase bold font.

Goodness me. Theresa, you and your cosy cabal are shockingly transparent.
But she has promised, vowed to silence the voices of extremism and we are all
familiar with Theresa’s vows and promise aren’t we? Surely she has a plan…

Hair We Go Again

The Shadow Home Secretary and maths whiz, Diane Abbott, has insisted her
previous views on the IRA have changed, just like her afro…her’ splendid’ afro,
that is.

Her alleged comment in 1984 was: "Every defeat of the British state is a victory
for all of us."

When BBC presenter, Tory sycophant, Andrew Marr asked her about the claim,
Diane responded:  "It was 34 years ago, I had a rather splendid afro at the time,
I don’t have the same hairstyle and I don’t have the same views.”

Well, was it actually an ‘afro’ Diane? Angela Davis had a proper afro, and a
rather splendid one at that.. The bigger the better. Oddly enough, I think Diane
looked quite fab – and surely so much better than whatever is on her head now.
It isn’t a wig? Oh do go ‘splendid’ again, Diane. Oh wait. Possibly not.  She may
return to her original view….
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