Letters From London
Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics
Dear Dear Diary - 14 May 2010


This may be my last entry. I am going to be ever so busy, busy, busy creating history.

I have done a masterful stitch up of Clegg…aka the new ‘poodle’. As you know Dear Diary, this
was my magnificent Machiavellian master plan all along. It will perpetuate the ‘blame Nick Clegg’
spin we started. The economy will be in taters…he’ll never get his party’s election reform
through. I’m thinking of putting him in an office next to the toilets. When he does any of his
positive referencing regarding Europe, I’ll have Theresa May headlock him and imprison him in a
cabinet. We’ll have to watch him; he does speak five languages and he might be able to do
deals. But I do believe life at number ten will be fun.

George is still Chancellor of the Exchequer after he threatened me with my youthful recreational
drug use. He said he’d go to
The Guardian as all the other papers are beholden to Murdock.
We're setting up Lib Dem David Laws as the ax-man. Front line services will be cut to nothing. I’
m doubled over here. This is more exciting than winning at Monopoly…which I always do with the
kids.

A bit of a wobble when we were questioned regarding the lack of women sitting round the table.
To be honest, once I was enthroned, I momentarily forget to ask myself: ‘what would my role
model, Tony do?’ I failed to create Cameron’s Cuties a la ‘Blair’s Babes’. Oops. Theresa May
will have to do. Not a pretty sight I admit, but what can you do.

Time to rein in Ed Vaizey. He’s been telling the press I’m a virulent conservative under my mask
of compassionate modernism. Tut. Tut. How did he think I would ever have become PM? Silly Ed.

I met with Her Majesty naturally. We had a little chat about our royal ancestry. Of course I
mentioned Sam Cam’s aristocratic lineage. I’m not holding the Windsors’ Hanoverian roots
against the dear old thing.

I told Sam she can put away her bump now. It has served its purpose. Although she did say she
was a bit annoyed that Gordon’s kids were so cute…cuter than ours. Bollocks! Fingers crossed
the next little Cameron will be terribly photogenic.

Time to sign off. Must be ready for my close up tomorrow. No quiff for me now. Must appear
self-confident (that’s a doddle!), secure (no problem there) and superior (easy peasy).

Love,

Dave xx