LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
17 November 2018
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Deal With It

Labourites delirious with all the drama, spectacle, comedy, tragedy – the
performance put on by the government for us. Wait. ‘Us’? Notoriously self-
serving, I rather doubt they gave us a thought.


“Thank you! Thank you! Oh. But what do we do about Jezza? Best to hide him
among his hysterical devotees for a bit. Best not to remind our people he’s a
fixated Brexiteer, don’t you reckon? I know, I know. He has finally given in to the
pressure to support a people’s vote, but he winked when he did.”


“Waving, not drowning!” with husband-rock Phil propping her up – ah, feminism
has come far hasn’t it? – Theresa stays afloat, even with her own party taking
turns
shamelessly, immorally lying, exaggerating, rewriting history, stabbing
Theresa in the front and back, blaming the EU…hints: Rory Stewart, Nick
Timothy, Moggy, David Davis just to name a few. The consummate
condescending supercilious 19th century ‘gentleman’, Moggy, not so gentle is
he? Oh let’s not even mention the fantasy Rory told BBC radio5. OK. Let’s. He
emphatically stated that 80 percent backed the latest deal and was caught out.
Time to roll eyes, hit head, your personal preference, or
“ohmygodwhathtefuckareyoukiddingme!”

Let Them Eat Nothing

The UN's special rapporteur on poverty and human rights, Professor Philip
Alston, has given his report and as you know by now, it is not pretty.


Let’s just get to the obvious point. He has said he believes the UK’s Conservative
government deliberately increased poverty in the country - for ideological
reasons! I know, no surprise there, but to have it in his public report, again, not
pretty… but pretty damning!


“One and a half million are in destitution… one in five living in poverty now…
unnecessarily punitive… mean-spirited and often callous…the suffering caused
was avoidable… since the worse aspects of a lot of these policies could be
changed overnight, and for very little money”.


He predicted a 7 per cent rise in child poverty, a 60 per cent increase in
homelessness since 2010 and exponential growth in the number of food banks.
Adding that Brexit was exacerbating the problem of misery in one of the richest
countries in the world.


It actually gets worse. Professor Alston, says: "In the area of poverty-related
policy, the evidence points to the conclusion that the driving force has not been
economic but
rather a commitment to achieving radical social re-engineering."

He added: “[Ministers] have an overriding set of objectives to cut the welfare
system, cut what they see as dependences. I cannot believe that they are as
happy with the system as they told me they were.”

The Tories stated that they do not recognise the findings of Professor Alston’s
report. Oh really. Please.


At the end of a 12-day visit to the country and his interviews with people
affected, Professor Alston’s very clear message: “You are on your own.”


The Key to Success

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside…don't have much money but boy if I did….
Well, Elton does. His net worth is an estimated £339
million. His fee is said to be
a denied £5m with a portion of it to be donated to the Elton John Charitable
Trust. A portion? Really? Not all?


Did you get all teary? Passed the tissues round? Placed your order on a piano?
Hopefully you didn’t. John Lewis’ annual attempt to seduce us all into
mawkish
sentimentality that will surely induce us to buy, buy, buy
– from John Lewis of
course, is now available to watch if you are ‘sad’ enough to watch it… over and
over again.


Named “The Boy and the Piano”, the advert features Elton’s ‘Your Song’. No
humming here! It works backwards chronologically through his life, showing us
how a Christmas present altered the course of one boy’s life. A Christmas
miracle. So every child who received a piano becomes a star and can be paid
possibly £5 million for a Christmas advert showcasing himself? I for one am still
waiting here.


Gran’s piano advert showcasing Elton convincingly cloying? Never! Even after
finishing off three Waitrose mince pies, using up all the tissues in the box,
wishing you were paid as much as Elton to be sentimental, and promising to do
all your Christmas shopping at John Lewis.


I hope you don’t mind my not shopping at John Lewis. Any appealing items were
traded in for the boring, predictable years back. And not watching that ad again.
£7m spent. Hmmm. Not including Elton’s fee then?


John Lewis is taking your Christmas buying very seriously. They have now
unveiled their Christmas windows. See (sorry, but), you hadn’t even thought
about those have you? Well, it’s Elton’s Step Into Christmas 1973 hit that
reached #1 on the Billboard Christmas Singles chart you will thrill to. Sorry –
again – annoying, uncreative, yuck. Anyway if you loved it you can hear it if
you stand in front of the JL windows every half hour from 4pm daily – oh - and a
light show. We wouldn’t want to miss that would we? Oh really, we so would.


“I’ll Drink to That!”

Gosh. Who knew? Don’t tell Jeremy. Considering his unrelenting position on
Brexit, Karl Marx wouldn’t be allowed take up residency in this country would he?

Evidently Karl Marx enjoyed a drink – or two – or more. Come on now, you didn't
know that did you? There was one night in the late 1850s when he embarked
upon a pub crawl that ended with KM arguing with the locals and then
concluding with him running down the street smashing gas lamps. Oh Karl!
Really! He popped into every pub along Tottenham Court Road. There were 18,
now only six. Oh well.


Fashion Backward

Apologies as it is passed the event et al, but time to bury Jezza? Gettit? Oh well.
A political point at the Cenotaph? The 100 year commemoration? Really
Jeremy? How old are you? 12? OK, 15. It’s not always about YOU! Jeremy! Oh
please, Keir Starmer, save us!


Yes, it is small rant about his plastic-ish anorak with that puffed-up hood. We
know he finally obtained a tie, brilliant JC, and we know he even had obtained a
proper men’s – note men’s overcoat – that one you worn in 2017, so he thought
he would take a stand (I know) against – what exactly, Jeremy? All those dead
soldiers, all those families? It might have been a seemingly unimportant detail of
the day, but it’s also a
warning sign that something bigger could be not quite
righ
t. Either his team did not feel confident enough to suggest he dress
appropriately or in fact or they did – and he chose to ignore them. Either way:
trouble in Labour paradise?


I suppose a mention of that tiny poppy he was wearing is also necessary.
Fanatic Corbynites say it was superior as it was ‘more expensive’. Hmm. Not
quite in line with Marxist/Leninism is it? Not because it was barely noticeable
then? Not that is has been reported that those ‘special, more glamorous’ poppies
don’t give the money to charity?


Then he goes to Germany to announce Brexit is a done deal. Clearly the boy-
man doesn’t know the facts. But then, when did he? Such respect, such class.
Keir – hurry!!!
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