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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
The Dystopia Database - 14 September 2009
“Mummy. Why are you hiding behind the steering wheel?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you coming in to read to us today?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you going to coach our team any more?”
“Mummy. Why are you dropping us off so far from school?”
“Daddy. Why aren’t you taking us on our school trip?”
“Daddy. Why can’t you give us sweets after school?”
“Daddy. Why can’t we give Fiona a lift?”
“Daddy. Why are you not wearing your raincoat when it is raining?”
“Why?”
Yet another governmental totalitarian advance: the Vetting and Barring scheme to be rolled out
(assuming without tanks) next month is clearly the latest political pandering and manipulation by
the ever increasingly desperate Labour party. Their excuse for more Big Brother implementation
is supposedly based on the 2002 Soham murders. 2002…2009. Gosh they are quick on the
mark. With elections looming, Labour plans to have one in four adults or 11,300,000 family
members and friends, nannies approved by government officials if they have any contact with
children even once a month.
Non-compliance will result in a £5,000 fine for the affectionate auntie and her employer, with a 5
year prison term for the former and 6 months for the latter. Registration costs £64 for those
seeking employment with children or vulnerable adults but is free for volunteers. This fascist
scheme will be the largest in the world. We are so proud.
It has already cost £84m to set up with a total cost to us, the depraved ones, way beyond.
Money well spent, surely. £2.5m alone will be required to vet all prison staff and NHS staff, then
there are the councils and the police force, the Scouts, all sports teams, social clubs, the housing
for foreign exchange pupils, all builders who work on school buildings and all volunteers to add to
the financial mix.
Ed Balls, the Children's Secretary said: “The responses we have received to our consultations
suggest to me we have got the balance about right,” and the brilliant Balls compares this latest
initiative to the law that requires people to wear a seatbelt. What planet of entitlement and
stupidity are these idiots on? Ed didn’t mention all those paedophile priests…murdering rapist as
in the Baby P case…just grannies and dads…who have mastered the wearing of seat belts
thanks to governmental intervention.
There will be no chatting, no games, no head pats, no blowing of kisses and certainly no hugs
inside or outside of the home. “I love you darling, Rufus.” “Grab her! Don’t let her get away! She’
s heading for the swings. Did you hear what she said? Call the sex-offender’s police!”
With the government’s suggestion that children report on their parents, neighbours on their
neighbour’s rubbish collections already in practice, 1984, Stalin’s Gulag, the Nazis are beginning
to look like a refuge.
We can look forward to feral Lord of the Flies children who trust no one, who will live in packs to
protect themselves from rapist and murdering adults. Oh. Isn’t that a gang? Children’s books, art
and music surely must be banned, Polish builders will have to be brought back to construct all the
new prisons for family members and their closest friends. Good news for the unemployment
figures.
“Mummy. No more cuddles?”
“No, sweetheart. Mr Balls knows best…Mr Balls knows best…Mr Balls knows best…Mr Balls….”
“Mummy. You’re scaring me.”
“Mummy. Why are you hiding behind the steering wheel?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you coming in to read to us today?”
“Mummy. Why aren’t you going to coach our team any more?”
“Mummy. Why are you dropping us off so far from school?”
“Daddy. Why aren’t you taking us on our school trip?”
“Daddy. Why can’t you give us sweets after school?”
“Daddy. Why can’t we give Fiona a lift?”
“Daddy. Why are you not wearing your raincoat when it is raining?”
“Why?”
Yet another governmental totalitarian advance: the Vetting and Barring scheme to be rolled out
(assuming without tanks) next month is clearly the latest political pandering and manipulation by
the ever increasingly desperate Labour party. Their excuse for more Big Brother implementation
is supposedly based on the 2002 Soham murders. 2002…2009. Gosh they are quick on the
mark. With elections looming, Labour plans to have one in four adults or 11,300,000 family
members and friends, nannies approved by government officials if they have any contact with
children even once a month.
Non-compliance will result in a £5,000 fine for the affectionate auntie and her employer, with a 5
year prison term for the former and 6 months for the latter. Registration costs £64 for those
seeking employment with children or vulnerable adults but is free for volunteers. This fascist
scheme will be the largest in the world. We are so proud.
It has already cost £84m to set up with a total cost to us, the depraved ones, way beyond.
Money well spent, surely. £2.5m alone will be required to vet all prison staff and NHS staff, then
there are the councils and the police force, the Scouts, all sports teams, social clubs, the housing
for foreign exchange pupils, all builders who work on school buildings and all volunteers to add to
the financial mix.
Ed Balls, the Children's Secretary said: “The responses we have received to our consultations
suggest to me we have got the balance about right,” and the brilliant Balls compares this latest
initiative to the law that requires people to wear a seatbelt. What planet of entitlement and
stupidity are these idiots on? Ed didn’t mention all those paedophile priests…murdering rapist as
in the Baby P case…just grannies and dads…who have mastered the wearing of seat belts
thanks to governmental intervention.
There will be no chatting, no games, no head pats, no blowing of kisses and certainly no hugs
inside or outside of the home. “I love you darling, Rufus.” “Grab her! Don’t let her get away! She’
s heading for the swings. Did you hear what she said? Call the sex-offender’s police!”
With the government’s suggestion that children report on their parents, neighbours on their
neighbour’s rubbish collections already in practice, 1984, Stalin’s Gulag, the Nazis are beginning
to look like a refuge.
We can look forward to feral Lord of the Flies children who trust no one, who will live in packs to
protect themselves from rapist and murdering adults. Oh. Isn’t that a gang? Children’s books, art
and music surely must be banned, Polish builders will have to be brought back to construct all the
new prisons for family members and their closest friends. Good news for the unemployment
figures.
“Mummy. No more cuddles?”
“No, sweetheart. Mr Balls knows best…Mr Balls knows best…Mr Balls knows best…Mr Balls….”
“Mummy. You’re scaring me.”
