|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
13 June 2015
|A Cut Above the Rest
It’s men’s fashion week in London or now called London Collections: Men don’t
you know. Launched in 2012, in its sixth season, nearly 80 designers, four days
for spring/summer 2016.
All those clever, innovative outfits that will never – oh okay - rarely see the light
of day – or night. Tragic. Fashion is so…not fashion.
Think about it. Isn’t men’s wear really simply logo-branded T shirts, hoodies and
trainers, ad inf. Sooo predictable. Sooo tribal. Sooo boring. What a waste of
British talent really. Come now. Are you going to wear cool, clever, creative
clothing? Suggest it to friends and family? If you did, we’d see fashion self-
expression on the streets wouldn’t we? Men’s ‘fashion’ exists in a parallel
Appropriately timed for her predictable ‘look-at-me’ attempt at publicity – any
publicity, Pippa (Middleton – isn’t she known as a single sobriquet yet?) does
fashion. I can hear you saying ‘what doesn’t she do?’ And I can hear you
saying ‘what’s left to do?’ Clearly not much.
Well, surprise, surprise. She’s collaborated with London fashion designer,
Tabitha Webb, as you do when you do everything, to do a limited edition floral
dress and a matching scarf with proceeds going to the British Heart Foundation.
Will Pippa don the outfit for the charity’s 40th annual London to Brighton bike
ride 21 June you might wonder? “But will my bum look pert in it?”
Pippa actually said: “As an ambassador for the British Heart Foundation, I
wanted to do something different and exciting on behalf of this inspiring charity.
I'm really looking forward to taking part in the London to Brighton Bike Ride this
month and am thrilled I was able to collaborate with Tabitha on this project to
help raise additional funds and awareness for the charity.” Clearly a PR release
written for her. And you know about her ‘writing’. Fascinating. Absolutely
Tabitha Webb said: “It has been an absolute pleasure to work with Pippa
throughout the designing process and we are delighted with the outcome. The
dress is perfect for the summer — either worn with a denim jacket and pumps
for a casual look or dressed up with heels for a special occasion.” Oh thank you
for the suggestions. Denim jacket, heels. Oh joy.
More of the Well-Heeled
Heels she said? Well, Pippa’s sister can tell you about heels – can’t she?
Ex-Waity revealed how she manages to wear stilettoes nearly 24 hours a day –
pregnant or not. Just what we all have been desperate to know…right? Ready?
She wears inserts! Inserts! Can you imagine? Ex-W even told us the specific
brand. Are you still paying attention? Alice Bow. ‘Huh’ you say? And the thrill is
they come in colours.
‘A source’ told US Weekly and they told us ‘…they were high-quality padding
wrapped in premium Italian leather’…with ‘stickies on the back of each insole to
hold it in place….’ Really. ‘Stickies’.
Cue queues at Selfridges. Surely sold out by now at £13.90.
Appropriately the V&A has opened a show Shoes: Pleasure and Pain. Darling,
it's about the architectural feats (sorry, but), not just the visuals.
The clerk of Worshipful Company of Cordwainers, John Miller, and yes, it is the
shoe-making guild founded in 1272, says: “A pair of shoes has to be
ergonomically sound to function….Shoes are comparatively small items and
every detail is important. A single millimetre can make the difference between a
good and an ordinary shoe.” Not a Clark’s shoe for Ex-W surely. “Simply put,
shoes must be functional and enable the wearer to walk.” No. Really? Ex-W
requires a bit more.
Could You Repeat That?
Politicians will now know every text, tweet, post, blog you make – presumably
you’ll only be stating negative comments. Actually, what could you possibly say
that would be positive?
Five companies will watch you on Facebook, Twitter and various blogs – in ‘’real
time’. You’ll have to guess what keywords and topics to avoid.
That’s not all – naturally. UK police officers make data requests once every two
That’s not all – naturally. It has been discovered that there are more than 20 fake
mobile phone masts – the key word is clearly ‘fake’ masts isn’t it. These rogue
masts are placed to listen to your conversations. Not only are they reading what
you say, they want to hear you say it. Yikes!
“These fake phone masts are known as ‘Stingrays’. Why exactly? Well,
Scotland Yard won’t tell you. They also won’t tell you who controls them or what
they are doing with the information. Oh it is all just so Orwellian isn’t it.
The technology involves tricking mobiles into thinking (thinking?) the Stingrays
are legitimate phone masts, so that the mobiles connect to the tower and the
data flowing through them is thus collected by those mysterious sources only
known to Scotland Yard. Stingrays are commonly used in the US. But you know
they have that massive, colossal, vast (getting the picture then?) data storage in
Utah. Does it cover all of Utah?
“Hi ya. Let’s meet at The Churchill Arms Tuesday at seven for pad thai. I’ll get a
table in the back room. Oh no. Does that sound suspiciously like a coded
message? Oh no. Delete, delete!”
And as to the ‘snooper’s’ charter, where ‘our’ government wants all our web-
browsing history to be stored forever, has been rejected by a major government-
commissioned report into surveillance powers. Goodness me. What will Theresa
TM must be stamping on the 373-page report - with her renowned leopard print
kitten heels surely. The report wants her to relinquish her powers to issue
warrants for phone-tapping and interception of emails. Senior judges should
have the authority. Obviously.
QC David Anderson said covert surveillance was “undemocratic, unnecessary
and in the long run intolerable”. Well, well-heeled TM wants to keep the serfs
scared into submission until the autumn when she will make her decision. Oops.
Oh dear. What did I just say? And where will it be stored…