LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
14 January 2014
Chicken Feed

“Chicken feed”. Evidently £250,000 “...hardly ranks as chicken feed.”

Should farmers be insulted by the terminally pretentious Received
Pronunciation cut-glass-accented, Eton-educated son of a life peer, posh,
moneyed Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Morgan who dismissed the public
purse for fulfilling the desire of MPs’ selfies-on-canvas for £250,000?

We should all be insulted, but when aren’t we when Rees-Morgan speaks? ‘Oh
goodness gracious me. All you slothful serfs are so senselessly silly.’

It should be noted; Rees-Morgan has his own prized portrait gallery.

Well, everybody’s doing it. Kenneth Clarke, Tony Blair, Ian Duncan Smith,
William Hague, Michael Howard look down on us for £9,000-11,000. Speaker
John Bercow commissioned his portrait for £22,000 framed for another
£15,000. While Lib Dem Lord Ashcroft and Labour’s Tony Benn cost us a mere
£2,000 or less. But Labour MP Diane Abbott should surely have suggested a
photograph or bronze bust as her nearly unrecognisable seemingly naked
portrait was £11,750. Not good value for money. So far these memorable
selfies have lined several corridors. Some are pressing for bronze busts on
pedestals next. Will they ever learn....

None of the £250,000 was meant for public scrutiny. Records were marked ‘in
confidence’ –  for committee use only. Oh those politicians are a tricky lot.
Tricky, sneaky, devious...disliked immensely. Ironic that they would want us to
pay homage to them in portrait perpetuity.

No Haiku Here

It’s that time again. How quickly it comes round when Hollywood congratulates
itself on spending obscene amounts of money on barely watchable films.

Deals, pay backs, pacts, back slaps. No surprise there. But expert mimic Meryl
Streep has started early.

According to
The Independent, she gushed effusively about the equally
gushing Emma Thompson to whom she presented an award at the National
Board of Review do.

“...a rabid man-eating (the same Emma Thompson?) feminist (is she?) like I am
(really?)...Emma makes you want to kill yourself (she does?) because she’s a
beautiful artist, she’s a writer, she’s a thinker, she’s a living acting conscience
(what?). Noticeably not getting enough notice, Streep added a poem about this
extraordinary-man-eating-Emma.  Read at your own peril. You have been
warned.

It ended with (imagine what it began with): “Granite crumbles/The heart flows
like rain/Like lava/ (oh dear me) All that feeling melts down/Like Oscar gold/And
Emma leaves us reeling/ (I see. Feeling...reeling...) A knockout, truth be told.”

Suppressed gagging here. Apparently the Emma who makes-you-want-to-kill-
yourself responded that she was “nauseous with gratitude”. (We are simply
nauseous). As a-living-acting-conscience, at least she didn’t respond by being
physically sick on the stage. Emma: superb actress. Meryl: mental – or under
the influence.

Frack You Dave

Funny that. The Tories welcome with banners, balloons and genuflecting
European and Chinese companies to buy up, benefit from – oh sorry, it’s
‘investing in’ – anything and everything on this small island. Yet skilled or willing
to work for nothing ‘immigrants’ are stopped at the gates. Hmmm.

The Tories have already invited the French in by tempting them with superior-
rated British champagne to cover the country in nuclear facilities, leaving us
with the resulting waste. Clever. The latest: the French want to frack us.  

Fracking. You know, hydraulic fracturing; the process of drilling down into the
earth and injecting shale rock with a high-pressure mixture of masses amounts
of water, sand and chemicals to release the gas inside.

Possibly we would benefit in 50 years? Probably not. Possibly near those
nuclear plants? Possibly carcinogenic chemicals used may escape and
contaminate groundwater? Probably. Possibly more earth tremors like the ones
in 2011? Two small earthquakes of 1.5 and 2.2 magnitude hit the Blackpool
area. Probably. No worries then.

In his incomparable display of intelligence, PM CallMeDave has attempted
bribing the locals who don’t want French fracking in their back yard – or under
it – with small financial rewards. CMD’s going “all out for shale”. The next
election can’t come soon enough.

French energy giant, Total (interesting name) is involved in fracking in the US,
China, Argentina, Australia, Poland and Denmark. In France, fracking is illegal.
Zuts alors!

Not willing to miss an opportunity to rip off Britain (and who doesn’t) energy
giants Shell, Chevron and Conoco are soon to follow. The Britain is for Sale
sign is prominently and permanently displayed. Excellent Dave.
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