23 November 2019
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Cause I'm the Taxman

‘Let me tell you how it will be…’ Jezza is determined to get cash – via taxes –
from the rich. Right. Not a chance. That’s what accountants/off shore accounts
are for. It is what they do. It is what they have been doing. Even IFS director
Paul Johnson says Jezza’s Marxist dreams “involve higher tax burdens on
people of average incomes” and would give Britain “just about
the most punitive
corporate tax system
in the world”. Now isn’t that encouraging? And how much
do Jon Lansman and McClusky pay in taxes a year? No. really.

Waving Goodbye

The media isn’t giving up. That “car crash” interview was only the beginning as
everyone everywhere knows. Not Prince Philip this time. The press was thrilled
with Andrew’s now infamous ‘I know nothing’ interview. We are told he was told
specifically: don’t do it! And, he didn’t inform the Queen. Afterwards, he did: “It
was a great success, Ma’am”.

Oh oops. “There’s no such thing as bad publicity,” P T Barnum. Not quite. Public
relations and
crisis consultant! Mark Borkowski told The Independent: “I have
never seen anything so disastrous. For any students of PR that is how not to do
it”. Your mum might sack you. Ouch!

MM must be relieved now that that Andy will be hidden away. “Wait! Stop it! I get
all the media coverage! Oh you and your royal privilege! So typical!” MM is said
to be – erm – “troubled” by Andrew's suggestion that sex is a “positive act” for a
man and therefore is 'very difficult to forget'. A source 'close to The Duchess of
Sussex' (yet again?) spoke to The Daily Telegraph criticising his BBC interview
and describing MM's reaction to seeing it. She was left “wanting to curl under a
table”. Did she then? A £2000 table wearing a £5000 dress? So much for MM’s
definitive stand against the intrusive/vile/evil press. Oh right.” Troubled”.

We’re told Charles was involved in the decision with the Queen, Fergie
encouraged the interview, Princess Beatrice was convinced by the Newsnight
team and Andrew’s trusted private secretary Amanda Thirsk - and immediately
20 companies and charities begun denying their knowledge of the prince. Oh
dear. That includes the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and the English National
Ballet. The Queen will have to give her favourite money on the sly as he will be
£249,000 less well off without our money. Oh, nothing to worry about really. He
isn’t going on the dole. But the Queen has cancelled the planned lavish 60th
birthday to remember. Oh dear. David Walliams’ latest kids’ book: "
The Beast of
Buckingham Palace
". Quite.

FBI knocking at the palace gates already? They are going to have to find him
first.  But after the BBC airs the interview with Virginia Roberts - hmmm.

Press On

Claim: Leaving the EU “will allow us to meet… tree-planting targets which will
ensure that we deal with the climate crisis that we face.” Oh Mikey! Sigh. Lying
face to face (ew) with the reporter –
as the Tories have perfected – or so they
think. Not. SO obvious.  Apparently the Tories have selected to attack all and
every reporter who dares question their lies. Charming. Oh the little man is
soooo not!

Academics have found that the British press overwhelmingly reports
stories about opposition parties
while running more positive coverage about the
Conservative government. Oh as if we haven’t noticed!

After analysing the extent to which different publications ran positive and
negative stories about different political parties, researchers at Loughborough
University found that the Labour Party was overwhelmingly targeted with negative
coverage. “The unweighted results show that only the Conservative Party
received more positive than
negative coverage across all newspapers. In
contrast, Labour had a substantial deficit of positive to negative news reports in
the first formal week of the campaign.” Told you so. A separate study in 2017
noted a similar pattern Jezza was far more likely to be attacked in election
reporting than Theresa. Ofcom rules? Ha.

Et Cetera…

Just when you can’t believe it can get any worse, disheartening, annoying the
Conservatives did it again. When Labour released its manifesto the other day,
the Conservatives bought a website with the address labourmanifesto.co.uk and
filled it with: no plan on Brexit, more taxes, et cetera, et cetera. Then they paid to
have it placed at the top of the Google rankings. Very naughty! So that it was the
first item when you Googled 'Labour'. Who knew they were so – erm –
‘creatively’ dishonest. Ah. The party of innovation….ha.

False Moves

Peter Oborne, a journalist, commentator and author and - loyal Conservative -  
had this to say; “Welcome to the Conservative party election campaign. I have
been a political reporter for almost three decades and
have never encountered a
senior British politician who lies and fabricates so regularly, so shamelessly and
so systematically as Boris Johnson. Or gets away with his deceit with such
ease.” Rather definitive you might say.

Oh let’s not stop now. “Some of the lies are tiny. During a visit to a hospital he
tells doctors that he’s given up drink, when only the previous day he’d been
filmed sipping whisky on a visit to a distillery. And sips beer on film the day after
in a pub.” So interesting that Boris never seems to think he will ‘get caught’.
Adopting inspiration from across the pond: yes, Teflon again.

Oh it is so hard to stop: he repeatedly claims that Britain’s continued
membership of the EU costs an extra £1bn a month. False.

He told activists that the Tories were building a new hospital in the marginal seat
of Canterbury. False.

He told Michael Crick that during the EU referendum campaign, “I didn’t make
remarks about Turkey, mate.” False. He did.

Oh we just can’t do all the Jennifer Arcuri lies he has said, please.
Back to Oborne. “A big reason for Johnson’s easy ride is partisanship from the
parts of the media determined to get him elected. I have talked to senior BBC
executives, and they tell me they personally think
it’s wrong to expose lies told by
a British prime minister because it undermines trust in British politics. Is that a
reason for giving Johnson free rein to make any false claim he wants?” Just
extraordinary! It just gets worse by the day and we haven’t even elected the oaf.

Cash in Hand

So how much cash have the Tories accrued – in the first week? Cue: eye
watering. £5,700,000 and counting, counting, counting…Labour £218,500 oh
dear…Lib Dems £275,000 beating Labour…Green £30,000…Alliance Party of
NI £60,000 and oops – forgot about Brexit at £250,000 more than Labour,
clearly. BUT! Only donations over £7,500 are public.

On the Bus

Boris’ battle bus, “Get Brexit Done”, has barred Mirror journalists. I know; really!
Shocking really!

“Our journalists have every right to scrutinise the Conservatives on our readers’
behalf. Blocking us from doing our job is
deeply worrying for freedom of
journalism and the protection of the truth.” Truth…Tories. Rolling on the floor of
course. This – so wrong on so many levels – clearly.

Jodie Ginsberg, chief executive of press freedom campaign group Index On
Censorship, compared the move to Donny’s attempt to eject journalists who don’t
kneel before him at White House press conferences.

She told the Mirror: “Conservatives have repeatedly said freedom of expression
is a key British value. They should show that by defending it and allowing Mirror
journalists onto their bus.”  

And the best ironies of ironies: the anti-Mirror bus was stranded for 45 minutes
due to a faulty wing mirror. Mirror! I swear I am not making this up. The battle
bus had to stop at a housing estate after it was found to be unsafe. Really I’m
not. Boris had taken the train… ‘And the wheels of the bus go round and

The Naked Truth

The professional association for film and TV directors, Directors UK, has
launched a set of guidelines, a full-length guide 20 pages long for directing
scenes with nudity and simulated sex – the
first of its kind in the UK. We have
noticed – the need!

Announced just a day after Game of Thrones actor Emilia Clarke gave an
interview about filming nude scenes on the set of, calling them “
terrifying” and
revealing that she used to cry before shooting them. Pressured by directors to
do more naked scenes she was told: “
You don’t wanna disappoint your Game of
Thrones fans.” “Wanna”? “Don’t wanna”? Oh pleeeeease. And “disappoint”?
Hurrry: sick bag. Annnndddd soooo sick of all those breasts/ridiculous sex
scenes/degradation and abused of women/ad inf.

Directors UK is trying to ensure that no-one feels “unsafe, exploited or
mismanaged when dealing with scenes of nudity or simulated sex.” Hmmm. We
will see….
The question is why are they necessary, ubiquitous at that?

Oh, does that mean no more breasts full screen…every actress by the
way…women moaning in ecstasy (ha) on the table/against a wall…oh really!!! in
every, again – every! programme possible. We will see. Hopefully we won’t!

Annddd Victoria Secret’s show is
no longer secret. As if it ever was. It is now
defunct. Thank you! Their chief marketing officer, Ed Razek, is stepping down
after a disastrous interview where he explained the brand would not cast
transgender or plus-sized models “because the show is a fantasy”.

On a High

Hmm. “I tried cannabis at university and I liked it.” Finally. None of that “I didn’t
inhale/did it once/didn’t like it/did it by mistake/ad nauseum. Jo Swinson said on
BBC’s Newsnight she enjoyed it when she called for a “sensible approach” to a
drug policy, to legalise it, and no, she
hasn’t tried it recently. Her plan could
raise £1.5 billion through licensed shop sales. Pot of gold?
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