|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
3 November 2018
Smoke and mirrors, trick or treat? What other not clever expressions have been
used to describe the budget – that budget. Yawn. That budget that will only occur
after a proper Brexit deal. Yawn. Back to reality TV. Joking. About the reality TV.
Nearly 9,000 scintillating words delivered over 71 interminable minutes, having
surely totally mesmerised you. All right, you possibly have totally avoided every
chance to examine in detail the Chancellor’s pre-election-Labour-inspired
budget. But what is clearly his best bit…sarcasm alert: the new 50p Brexit coin
he is generously bestowing on us to celebrate when Britain is due to leave the
EU on 31 March 2019 at 11pm. No, it isn’t a chocolate coin, although not a bad
idea. Two bites, a bit of chewing, and all gone.
The coin to be released to the thousands eagerly waiting, the irrational
Brexiteers partially quotes Thomas Jefferson. Wait! Is this referencing the US
take-over of Little Britain via those scary trade deals? More privatisation?
Thomas Jefferson? Huh? Why? Hmm. Still thinking about it….
Assuming the Queen’s head naturally on one side, the date of the country's EU
departure on the other. You surely won’t be able to guess the motto to be
inscribed, presumably you are not familiar with quotes by Thomas Jefferson. All
right, it’s: ‘Friendship With All Nations’. Now at this point you should be in a semi-
While taking note of the Queen – see above – she is given more notes in PH’s
budget for the rich: notes that add up to The Sovereign Grant. That is the money
paid by the government to support the Queen in her royal duties. And no
guessing necessary here. It is going up. Again.
Last year the figure was £76.1m and this year it will increase to - £82.4 million.
Come on now. Try to imagine why the noticeable increase. Can’t can you?
For those who know, the size of the grant is usually 15% of the government’s
income from Crown Estates. Hmm. However, last year the Queen got a 10 year
increase to 25% to pay for essential refurbishment of Buckingham Palace. Well,
it does have 775 rooms, darling. Really. Money for loo paper needed then? 78 of
them don’t you know.
Oh we must mention that PH has attempted to buy off the DUP with an additional
£1 billion. Of course he did after they were prepared to veto the Budget if
Theresa crossed its "blood red lines". I know, I know, the bloody mess
So, cheers. Let’s have another duty-freeze drink before the pub is sold off to a
high-end developer. Quickly.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha he’s baaaaaaaaaaacccckkkkkkkkk
Call Me Dave has set his sights on a return to frontline politics!!! Surely you
shrieked with laughter when you heard. The very muppet/ moron who has
changed the entire course of British history to create a tiny, tiny insignificant
island and who then quickly quit. Aren’t we thinking traitor and coward here? He
is preparing to return in any post-Theresa government…once his memoirs have
been published in the spring 2019, said to have stuck knives in the back…guess
The best? He wants to be – drum roll – Foreign Secretary. I swear to god this is
not a script for a political comedy. He’s either thick as a slug or arrogant as an
aristocrat. The same Call Me Dave who totally misread Merkel. You know.
Germany. That ‘foreign’ country. Foreign secretary is beyond belief. I refuse to
mention the ‘B’ word however. “It was UKIP what made me do it.”
Remainer CMD is ‘bored’! Oh dear me. Not bored? Apparently “bored s***less”
that is. Ah, Dave. Poor you. We’re sooo sorry. Pity you’re not. Ah shallow,
vacuous, dim Dave. Now denying his desire for a staged comeback. Back to the
shed, Dave. Somebody lock him in….”all is forgiven, Dave. Hahahahaha. Not”.
Oh not another week of the BBC genuflecting, falling in supplication to the right-
wing? Of course it is. Ready? This week they have decided that the truly
frightening newly-elected Brazilian president, Bolsonaro, is not quite so – scary.
And where BBC’s favourite strategist been? Faaaaarrrrr right fanatic Steve
Bannon was there to advise Bolsonaro’s presidential campaign naturally -
supposedly unpaid. Well, the far-right does all stick together, doesn’t it?
If you have taken a break from – oh must I say it? – Brexit - you could have had
a moment of incredulity over the election of Bolsonaro, said to be the answer to
Brazilian corruption. Hmmm. Really.
A review: September 2018, pre-election he said of his mainstream political
opponents: “We’re going to execute the Workers’ Party members here”. In 2017
he said descendants of slaves who live in ‘quilombola’ settlements "are not even
good to procreate." He said he would rather have a dead son than a gay one.
Oh yes there is more. He calls torture a “legitimate practice”, indigenous people
“parasites” and is “proud to be homophobic”. He twice told a congresswoman
she did not "deserve" to be raped by him because she was ugly. Evidently his
election was a ‘what’s not to like’ matter. Another potential autocrat/despot/tyrant.
Just what the world needs.
And the BBC? Their ‘what’s not to like’ view is that Bolsonaro could be a
“refreshing break from political correctness”. Caught out, the BBC claimed only
that the “language” of the tweet was wrong:
“We have removed an earlier tweet about statements made by Brazilian Jair
Bolsonaro. The intention was to reflect the spectrum of opinion on such
statements, but the language of the post may not have reflected this accurately.”
Oh please. It’s the BBC. Isn’t their use of language rather, erm, noteworthy,
It’s a Mug’s Game
Scotland Yard has a new activity: global merchandiser. “We want to be just like
the New York. We want everybody to be wearing a baseball cap. Gettit?
Baseball? Our favourite sport? Now who doesn’t love a baseball cap?” Let me
help here: everybody who isn’t a total idiot. “Every American celebrity wears a
baseball cap, a sweatshirt, a jacket emblazoned with the logo of the highly
regarded ‘shoot-first’ NYPD.” The success of Bodyguard and Line of Duty was
the deciding factor. It was – erm – ‘the sexiness’ of both series. Oh that explains
it. Sex sells Scotland Yard.
Mugs can buy mugs – oh you would have said the same – as well as: cufflinks
(top of the list, no?), a teddy bear called – guessing? – Bobby. I can hear
moans. And model forensic kits. I give up. I could have said ‘hands up’ – but I
didn’t. I want one of those. No, I really do. Expect clothing, toys and games,
stationery, homeware and tourist souvenirs naturally. It said it also hoped the
furry toys would inspire future generations to join up. Huh? They have promised
no officer uniforms. Ahhh. But isn’t that what we really wanted?
If you haven’t been paying attention, the Tories have made drastic cuts to
policing, because they can, and a further £325m is needed by 2021. The Tories
have caused the numbers of officers in London to drop to their lowest level per
head in 20 years! Oh the logic. Anglophiles; over to you.