LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
11 July 2015
Brand Boring

If you have spent your days on Murray Mound, shrieking with joy when Andy
smashes it, yes the “anyone but England” Andy (just a gentle reminder) then
you will be thrilled that he has added £30m to Brand Murray – or it is Brand
Andy? Not on his own that is, but via his wife.

Nigel Currie, a sponsorship and marketing consultant, said: “Kim adds at least
30 per cent to Murray’s earnings. Andy Murray on his own is not that attractive
(oh really?), but add Kim [and] they are now a celebrity couple and have more
options (celebrity couple? oh really?).She brings in a whole new dimension to
his marketability. They are using the same model the Beckhams are using.”

The new Beckhams? Are they are having a laugh. David – charming, seriously
good-looking, charity-spokesperson, clearly fun…Victoria – apparently funny in
person, brilliant clothing line, famous without her husband. Andy – nasty, rude,
gormless, charmless, makes the most hideous of faces…Kim – says f**k a lot
particularly to Andy’s opponents (nice), swishes her hair, um…um…anything
else? Oh yes. Used to act as his valet, cleaner, PA….so how does she add to
his millions then? The perfect match.

Well, Simon Fuller, who as you surely know takes care of the Beckhams. Andy
set up a management company two years ago with SF to turn the arrogant Andy
into a global money-making machine (not rich enough then?). It’s said that SF
must simply make people actually like him. The plan: to ‘soften his image’. Oh
that should be easy. Ha. They’ve brought the dogs in, taught Andy how to smile
for the camera to achieve the desired ‘soft and cuddly’ image. Ha.

Mr&MrsMurray have been branded the “new Beckhams” in terms of market
appeal.’ ROTFL! Pathetically David and son Romeo were ‘invited’ to sit in the
Brand Murray box – as an endorcement? Are we talking Mrs Murray’s hair
products here? Sunglasses? Will David give money-making tips to Mr&Mrs?

But image experts say without Mrs Andy Murray, who used to exist as Kim Sears
before she became a viable commodity, Andy’s income from sponsorship deals
would take a nosedive. Ouch! Wait. Don’t panic. Andy is already worth an
estimated £57million second only to David Beckham, worth £165million among
British sports stars.

Mrs Andy Murray “adds the ‘human interest element’ which helps attracts
lucrative sponsorship deals, to Brand Murray” according to those who know.
“Anyone but England” Andy asked Brits to cheer him on against favourite Roger
(Federer). How presumptuous of Andy. Federer clearly played with brilliance
and grace. Andy played with petulance and sullenness. Will Mrs Andy Murray
only bring in £29m now?


BoyGeorge’s Bid to Beat Boris

I know you are reading every word on PM-in-waiting BoyGeorge’s smoke and
mirror, caste-creating budget given rave reviews by 90pc of newspapers. Yes,
but regardless of BoyG’s manipulative, misleading budget stealing much of
Labour’s ‘Red Ed’ manifesto, reality has arrived via the IFS branding his budget
as “deeply regressive”, suggesting that 13 million families in the UK would be
£260 worse off a year and some 3 million will lose £1,000 a year. And the
response? The Treasury sent out an email to journalists simply saying: "Blah,
blah, blah". Later it was claimed that the "nonsense email" was a test run for a
summer drinks invitation that had accidentally been sent out to the whole lobby.
Oh reeeeealllly.


Let it Be

Paul McCartney, oops, Sir Paul to us, is instructing us on how we should be
thinking of the Beatles – his way – again.

Sir Paul has complained many times that John should not have been included in
songs that Sir Paul wrote on his own. Hmmm. Yesterday,    Eleanor Rigby,
Penny Lane – well I’m thinking if he had in fact helped Sir Paul we could actually
listen to them without moaning, wincing, leaving the room.

Sir Paul is frustrated. Sir Paul is annoyed. Sir Paul is Sir Paul. Sir Paul is
speaking out (again) that the death (I’m thinking murder here) of John has made
him into “a martyr”. Not just dead then and no mention of John’s ‘Jesus
reference’.

Sir Paul wants to share that when people saw John being gunned down, shot in
1980 as “’a JFK’. (Warning: prepare here to no longer think of Paul as your
favourite Beatle – if in fact you ever did). I got frustrated because people started
to say: ‘Well, he was ‘The Beatles’.”

Well, Sir Paul, he was – along with George Martin. Otherwise we would have had
Wings…and Linda.

Sir Paul told
Esquire “We were equal. When John got shot, aside from the pure
horror of it, the lingering thing was, OK, well now John’s a martyr”. Sir P’s
horror was seemingly short-lived. Sir P goes on to say he expected some
revisionism: “It was going to be: John was the one.” Sir P whinges that people
went too far and then there’s naturally Yoko who said Sir P did little but book the
studio. Really? Well, if Sir P says so.

Ringo has announced: “I will never write a book” on the Beatles. I [talk about my
life] on record… There’s a track on the last album [Postcards from Paradise]
that deals with my life in Liverpool, in Rory and The Hurricanes [his first group]
and with the Beatles. That’s how I’m doing it.”

Don’t Pass Me By. Well, he was on his 75th birthday. Sir Paul sent a birthday
wish via social media rather than attend the celebration. Possibly too busy
securing his place in the world. Nice, Paul.

If you still have any doubts, a few years back Sir Paul got all sniffy that he was
‘middle class’ while John wasn’t. Actually it was the reverse wasn’t it? Now 73
year old Sir Paul is “(I’m) just a working class lad”.

Sir Paul. Let it be. You don’t want to be labelled ‘the desperate Beatle’ – surely.

Evidently according to
The Telegraph’s Science Editor, Sarah Knapton, Britain
loved The Beatles because they sang about the weather. No, really. She reports
that “Britain may have become obsessed with The Beatles because they
bombarded the public with songs about the weather, a new study suggests. Brits
love nothing more than moaning about the weather and it seems a spell of bad
weather is an inspiration for songwriters too.” Here Comes the Sun? Oh. George
wrote that after being inspired by one of the first sunny spring days “after a 'long
cold lonely winter." Oh. Right. Dr Sarah Mander, of Manchester University,
added: "There is definitely a pattern whereby after periods of bad weather you
get a lot of weather related songs.”

48 out of 308 Beatles’ songs referenced the weather. Who knew? Did they?

Researchers from Oxford and Southampton Universities found The Beatles are
among the most prolific of the 900 singers and songwriters who have sung or
written about the weather. Time of the Seasons, In the Summertime, Stormy
Weather, Red Rain, Purple Rain, Rain, Here Comes the Rain Again, Rain Drops
Keep Falling on My Head – arghhhhh. No. One of the worst songs ever written
regardless of the weather, Ain’t No Sunshine When You’re Gone, Good Day
Sunshine, Heat Wave - everywhere you go always take the weather with
you…ah.


The Rational and Irrational Rants:

The Tory toffs have never been known for their maturity have they – no they
haven’t – but proving the point (as if you’d ever need one) at a Tory fund raising
event the Tory toffs played a video of Ed Balls losing his parliamentary position
and they laughed themselves sick (if only). What do you reckon? The emotional
development of possibly a three year old? OK. A two year old. Oh listen. I hear
shrieks of laughter again. It’s the demise of the BBC basically.

Didn’t you wonder if Ian Duncan Smith was going to give himself a heart attack
when he demonstrated his frenzied elation over the Chancellor’s totally obvious
bid-for-prime-minister budget: IDS punched the air, smiling ear to ear “Yes!
Yes! We did it! The poor will be poorer! Yes! Finally!” Rather like his team had
won. Well, it had hadn’t it….What an idiot. Isn’t it continuously amazing how
mature these Tories are…..

‘Centuries of tradition’. Ah. The Tories’ new modern mantra. They can now bring
back caning, public hanging, the workhouse, child labour, duelling at dawn. PM
blood-on-his-hands CallMeDave is going to ‘relax’ the fox hunting ban. More than
it is? Really? ‘Pest-control’ don’t you know. Oh right. Secret fox breeding
suppliers creating those ’pests’. ‘Centuries of tradition’ don’t you know. Well, the
blood-thirsty have been enjoying their favourite blood sport (sport? then surely it
should be included in the Olympics) regardless of the ban, but soon they can
drink the blood without hiding behind bushes. The Tories are drunk on delirium
at their free reign to create their plutocratic dream directly or by stealth.


The Fun Bits
:
Channel 4’s latest Not Safe for Work is quite amusing and becoming a must-
watch at 10pm Tuesdays.

Get off the sofa, take off your furry bunny slippers, the V&A is offering a night
out – all night. Savage Beauty – homage to Alexander McQueen don’t you know
– will be open 24 hours for the last two weekends of its blockbuster hit. The show
closes 2 August at 11 pm. V&A director Martin Roth reminds us: “We certainly
think it is worth getting out of bed for.” Set the alarm.
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