LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
31 May 2014
Bottoms Up

Sorry. No, really. Sorry but I had no choice. Really.

Ex-Waity has certainly been consistent; she has worn short and side-split
dresses when smiling for her adoring public.

Hmmm. She’s not 12, she has a baby somewhere, married, doing her best to
act queenly, so the explanation for her latest body-revealing episode is? I’m
guessing an exhibitionist obsession. I’m guessing this from the fact that her
siblings suffer from the same disorder.

Lest we forget:
the wedding bottom, transvestite outfits and porn baked goods.
Their mother surely deserves all the credit here.

If you haven’t seen the photos shot taken in Australia of Ex-Waity’s naked bum,
a German tabloid, Bild, was the first to publish. Naturally the British press
declined. Ex-W’s short skirt blew up to reveal all.

The obvious question would be, if you in fact needed to ask, why would you not
wear big pants, a longer skirt, a weighted hem if you were representing the
Queen? Yes. The Queen.

As we all know, Ex-W never takes a step in those silly 8” stilettos without much
forethought. Her 18 year plan is the tip-off here. Surely her ‘does my pert bum
look pert-er than Pippa’s’ wasn’t intentional. Ha.

‘All fur coat and no knickers’? Meaning: ‘a woman who has spent a lot of time
and effort trying to persuade the world that she is something better/classier than
she is’. Oh dear.


Bummer

Did I hear PM-in-waiting Ed Miliband say ‘What a bummer’ in response?

Possibly. Ed has revealed that he only reads American news. Yo. You know the
very same like is famous (or infamous really) for not being like the news. Like
corporate control et al you know. His favourite is like RealClearPolitics. No one
has told Ed that the US only recognises Ex-Waity, Harry and the Queen.
‘England. Like isn’t that the place where it rains all the time and like you can’t
eat the food?’ ‘nough said.

Now this is serious stuff. How will we ever be able to vote for this man? We can
(try to) ignore his Wallace (and Gromit) resemblance, but this is madness, innit?

Ed prefers not to read the British press or watch the British news channels. He
doesn’t get newspapers delivered to his home (has his wife taken a vow of
British media celibacy as well?) Ed prefers to follow his “own path. I’ve made
that a rule that in the last three and a half years.” And your poll ratings, Ed? He
blames the press for calling him ‘weird’. “...we are in a position to win the
election and there are some people who don’t want us to win this election.” Ah.
That must be it then. Intentionally ignoring what is happening in the country he
plans to rule isn’t weird at all.

However, if this isn’t weird enough, Ed hasn’t read the best selling tour-de-force
by French economist, Thomas Piketty;
Capital in the Twenty-First Century
regarding the imminent danger of the unequal distribution of wealth. When first
asked he was “still reading”, then he was “in the early stages of the book”, now
he’s only a “few pages” into it. Ed. So Piketty’s not for turning. Clearly Ed
hasn't read it and possibly doesn’t have it to read. Ed was supposed to meet
Piketty at an event next month, but the Labour leader has cancelled. Honesty,
integrity, sincerity authenticity are not terms coming to mind when we think of
Ed.

Now how can we take the weird-Wallace-look-alike seriously with this
information. This is indisputably depressing and we know the party won’t send
Ed off to his country of choice; his brother lives there and we know what Ed did
to him


Up Your Bum

V Festival has not one female comedian this year. 26 hysterically clever, witty,
funny men make up the venue. Really funny? This is because "no-one was
available". Really? Not funny.

Men don’t think women are funny. A dog could be funny if it could talk. It’s the
language you muppets. I could quickly make a list of all the so-not-funny-ever-
ever male comedians who take up way too much time on TV. Personally, I can’t
stop myself from hitting the mute button when they start to amuse themselves on
those male-dominated panel shows. They are up their own bums.


Is My Bum Big Enough

Not so funny is Pharrell Williams. Clearly articulate and seemingly intelligent
who doesn’t think it was “possible” for him to be a feminist.

Well, I suppose not when you consider his “I love women” writhing-semi-naked
women in his videos.

He’s been out and about promoting and he talks a good talk. Pharrell would love
to see women rule the world. He’d love to see a woman run the US: “What
would that world be like? We do not know because we haven't given it a shot.
We're too busy telling them what they can or can't do with their bodies.” Like be
naked for men? Oh surely not. He must be talking about the inability to obtain
an abortion in the US. Surely. I’m not happy.
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