|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
25 April 2016
Oh Boris. Boris does The Donald, buffoonery and hair included. Boris went ‘dog-
whistle racist’ when he wrote in The Sun that Obama’s attitude to Britain – and
the bust of Churchill in the US - might be based on his “part-Kenyan” heritage
and “dislike of the British Empire”. All together now: Oh Boooooorisssss!
“America is the only country in the world that has so far failed to sign up to the
UN convention on the rights of the child, or the UN convention on the
emancipation of women. For the United States to tell us in the UK that we must
surrender control of so much of our democracy – it is a breath taking example
of the principle of do-as-I-say-but-not-as-I-do.
It is incoherent. It is inconsistent, and yes it is downright hypocritical. The
Americans would never contemplate anything like the EU, for themselves or for
their neighbours in their own hemisphere. Why should they think it right for us?”
OK. True enough Boris, but the Kenya remark? Nasty. So not prime ministerial
is it? But Boris lives in Entitled-Boris-World where he is clearly the omnipotent
king – OK, PM.
‘The Beast’ arrived for a three day visit ostensibly so Obama could give the
Queen another big American hug and a patronising pat on the head. The Beast?
Oh you know, it’s the most impenetrable limo ever manufactured, along with
three helicopters, a vast motorcade, a modified jumbo jet and hundreds of
protection officers. Well, he had to wish her a happy 90th birthday did he not?
We all know about his new word of the day. When Obama made an attempt to
speak the English language, he used ‘queue’. He threatened we would ‘go to the
back of the queue’ rather than ‘the line’. He did continue in his standard
American English – dropping the ‘g’s, ad inf. Forget his attempt at scare tactics
and ultimate punishment, the scary bit is that staying the 51st state-best-poodle-
friends could mean TTIP. Negotiations held in secret, it’s that special relationship
of the US and the EU giving control by multinational companies of everything
from food safety, environmental rules, banking regulations (oh not those again),
the NHS, even more privatisation, with the US corporations providing vital UK
public services such as transport, education, water and health. And we know
how well the US manage those vital services in their own country. Be afraid. Be
very afraid. No, really, be seriously afraid!
OK. Back to planet Obama. Everyone is totally aware this ‘visit’ was to threaten
those wanting to cut the EU ties that bind. Or as James Rubin, the former US
senior diplomat, on BBC Breakfast said in defence of Obama’s right to intervene
in the EU referendum debate: “We have a saying, ‘Friends don’t let friends drive
drunk’.” Oh my God! I must repeat. Oh my God! Now if that pathetically inane,
palpably stupid statement is any indication of American ‘higher intelligence’ –
Yankees go home!
The Naked Truth
Apparently people are queuing up to eat naked. Yes, really. Dribbles, spills and
all; hot soup, cold ice cream, oh joy.
Owners of The Bunyadi are hoping to fill this desperate need. Who knew? Did
you? Has this been an underground movement all along? Naturalists – OK – but
who else? Exhibitionists? Oh not possibly. Voyeurs? Surely not.
Naturalists are jumping up and down, as they do; this means naked diners can
“concentrate on the food”. Oh pull the other one. Leg.
This pop-up restaurant will be open in London June to September. Good
planning – summer that is. 42 naked diners can share their mutual desire to only
experience the food on offer. Right.
The restaurant’s website promises: ‘Enter a secret Pangea-like world, free from
phones, electric lights and even clothing (optional) [huh?] and revisit the
beginning where everything was fresh, free and unadulterated from the
trappings of modern life.’ So sitting naked in a room full of naked strangers
celebrating pre-internet then? Couldn’t they just eat naked in their garden under
a tent or in their own dining room or even at a friends’?
There will be a naked and non-naked section, along with a changing room. So
it's a naked-run-free sort of eating experience with prurient observers then. They
say there is a waiting list of more than 5,000 but not which dining side they are
Founder Seb Lyall: "We have worked very hard to design a space where
everything patrons interact with is bare and naked. The use of natural bamboo
partitions and candlelight has enabled to us to make the restaurant discreet,
whilst adhering to the ethos behind it. No doubt, this has been the most
challenging project for us yet, which makes us very excited about it. The idea is
to experience true liberation." Do you reckon Seb will meet and greet in his born-
Apparently men wear their underpants for four years. Retailer in Oxford Street,
Jacamo, has revealed that 10 per cent of men admit – key word here – to
wearing the same pants at least seven times before they are tossed into the
washing machine. Nearly half feature holes. Future naked dining patrons?
BBC’s latest ‘thriller’, Undercover lost 1 million viewers after the second episode.
It stars Sophie Okonedo and Adrian Lester. Sophie goes all ludicrously
emotional in America – what? why? – twice so far - and Adrian remains cool in
The plot? Why bother. Silly and slow and stupid. I tried to like it, I tried to watch
it, I tried to tolerate Sophie, but I failed totally. Made for America.