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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
It's Blowing in the Wind - 13 June 2008
A multi-coloured candyfloss confection whipping around and ending in a salute - to the Scottish
flag? - Donald Trump and his hair blew into Scotland to take over pristine, primordial sand dunes
for his controversial £1b golf resort near Aberdeen.
The Donald had his original plans rejected by the local planning authority, Aberdeenshire Council,
but The Don wants this massive land take-over and The Don naturally assumes money can buy
everything. Perhaps in the US, but not in the UK…regardless of how entertaining his coiffure.
Wearing a cap to prevent the unruly, unconstrained mouse nest from taking wing, The Donald
visited his mother’s former home on the island of Lewis. He had arrived to arm-twist, arm-
wrestle, bludgeon resistant residents to begin construction of his two-championship golf courses
featuring a large eight-storey, five-star hotel, 500 houses, 950 timeshare apartments and
presumably, hairdressing facilities. One immovable object, a resident, has refused to budge or
be bought out…ever. Oh those stubborn Scots. Will The Don have to create the 9th hole or a
timeshare apartment around him? I see a problem looming there in the highlands.
After 97 seconds of sentimentality, the hair-spinning newly Scottish Donald decided he was
ready to perform Stripping the Willow clad in a special kilt. "I think this land is special, I think
Scotland is special, [I think I am special] and I wanted to do something special for my mother...
it's interesting when your mother, who was such a terrific [special?] woman, comes from a
specific location, you tend to like that location. I think I do feel Scottish." He thinks he does feel
Scottish. He thinks he tends toward liking the location. Eh? (His sister, with her controlled spun
nest has visited the special location at least 24 times.) Is our man in Scotland confusing himself
with blue-face-painted Mel (Gibson) or surely not Bert (Lancaster). For environmentalists and
many locals, Local Hero he isn’t.
His ‘this land is your land, this land is my land…’ outpouring prompted Scottish scepticism from
his hair-subdued cousins, the Murrays; several of whom still live in his mother's croft. "Donald is
just Donald," said one with a smile.
Reporters asked if his trip to the island was a publicity stunt…as you would. The Donald said:
"We were flying in. I said this was the right time to come... we could control the time a lot better.
I haven't been back since because I was busy having some fun in New York, let's put it that
way." Last visited when he was in his "threes or fours." Is The Donald taking a page from The
Bush Boy’s way-with-words book? Whoever said the rich were intelligent?
Hints of self-delusion and denial surely are reflected on his lack of awareness regarding his hair,
if in fact it is hair. “It’s all mine,” the man is proud to say. No animal sacrificed its life then….
Although unwilling to discuss the possible outcome the hair-splitting Donald philosophised: “If with
all the popularity it has - not just from the people but from politicians - it does not get accepted, it
would be a very bad signal to the world in terms of investing in Scotland.” Not content with
stopping there, The Donald pressed on: “No one has ever told me I don't know how to buy
property before.”
There is talk that the land-grabber will take his exclusive 18 holes over to Ulster if he is rejected
in Scotland, the land of hundreds of public-access golf courses.
An old Scottish proverb: never trust a covetous man with a comb-over.
A multi-coloured candyfloss confection whipping around and ending in a salute - to the Scottish
flag? - Donald Trump and his hair blew into Scotland to take over pristine, primordial sand dunes
for his controversial £1b golf resort near Aberdeen.
The Donald had his original plans rejected by the local planning authority, Aberdeenshire Council,
but The Don wants this massive land take-over and The Don naturally assumes money can buy
everything. Perhaps in the US, but not in the UK…regardless of how entertaining his coiffure.
Wearing a cap to prevent the unruly, unconstrained mouse nest from taking wing, The Donald
visited his mother’s former home on the island of Lewis. He had arrived to arm-twist, arm-
wrestle, bludgeon resistant residents to begin construction of his two-championship golf courses
featuring a large eight-storey, five-star hotel, 500 houses, 950 timeshare apartments and
presumably, hairdressing facilities. One immovable object, a resident, has refused to budge or
be bought out…ever. Oh those stubborn Scots. Will The Don have to create the 9th hole or a
timeshare apartment around him? I see a problem looming there in the highlands.
After 97 seconds of sentimentality, the hair-spinning newly Scottish Donald decided he was
ready to perform Stripping the Willow clad in a special kilt. "I think this land is special, I think
Scotland is special, [I think I am special] and I wanted to do something special for my mother...
it's interesting when your mother, who was such a terrific [special?] woman, comes from a
specific location, you tend to like that location. I think I do feel Scottish." He thinks he does feel
Scottish. He thinks he tends toward liking the location. Eh? (His sister, with her controlled spun
nest has visited the special location at least 24 times.) Is our man in Scotland confusing himself
with blue-face-painted Mel (Gibson) or surely not Bert (Lancaster). For environmentalists and
many locals, Local Hero he isn’t.
His ‘this land is your land, this land is my land…’ outpouring prompted Scottish scepticism from
his hair-subdued cousins, the Murrays; several of whom still live in his mother's croft. "Donald is
just Donald," said one with a smile.
Reporters asked if his trip to the island was a publicity stunt…as you would. The Donald said:
"We were flying in. I said this was the right time to come... we could control the time a lot better.
I haven't been back since because I was busy having some fun in New York, let's put it that
way." Last visited when he was in his "threes or fours." Is The Donald taking a page from The
Bush Boy’s way-with-words book? Whoever said the rich were intelligent?
Hints of self-delusion and denial surely are reflected on his lack of awareness regarding his hair,
if in fact it is hair. “It’s all mine,” the man is proud to say. No animal sacrificed its life then….
Although unwilling to discuss the possible outcome the hair-splitting Donald philosophised: “If with
all the popularity it has - not just from the people but from politicians - it does not get accepted, it
would be a very bad signal to the world in terms of investing in Scotland.” Not content with
stopping there, The Donald pressed on: “No one has ever told me I don't know how to buy
property before.”
There is talk that the land-grabber will take his exclusive 18 holes over to Ulster if he is rejected
in Scotland, the land of hundreds of public-access golf courses.
An old Scottish proverb: never trust a covetous man with a comb-over.
