LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
28 February 2016
Blond Ambition

Etonian handbags at dawn. Or is it Machiavellian narcissists at night? Either
way, would you really chose CallMeDave or buffoon Boris as a source for your
in/out EU decision? No, surely not.

On-your-bike Boris dumped CallMeDave by text. Not terribly romantic was it? All
those years at school together, sharing Tory values, worrying about hair styles
and in nine minutes - it was all over. Nine minutes. So rude. Dumped by text.
Even ruder. CMD had been led on by Boris to believe he was with him on the In
campaign. CMD wooed Boris for weeks. And then Go-Bo cheated with Michael
Gove; a clandestine dinner. Tough love, Boris?

Hmmm. Who would say either Dave or Boris was exactly a shining example of
honesty? However, this revealed how ruthless Boris’ ambitions truly are. And
you'd follow his lead? Really? Think again. Lest we forget, Boris loved Europe
when he was practicing as Mayor of London.

When the peasants are asked about Boris, they say, if they have any idea who
he is, that he is one of them. Hahahahahahahahahahahah. I can’t stop laughing
– OK I’m not really hysterical. But the very idea that people in Salford think the
privileged, entitled Go-Bo is ‘plain speaking’ – he does quote Greek philosophers
a lot – not so plain then in French, German, Spanish and Italian, all of which he
speaks. Do they know Boris was educated in Brussels, one of his children was
born there?

Looking for a quote from Boris? I thought you were. “The trouble is I’m not
Outer.” This a month ago. Well, Tory MP Sir Nicholas Soames tweeted last
week: he “really isn’t an Outer by conviction.” Uh oh. Trouble in paradise? I
doubt it. However, Go-Bo has been called a liar, a hypocrite, entitled, conniving
and this by those who know him. ‘Down to earth’ – because he rides a bicycle?
En masse delusion could determine the vote in June. Oh dear me. Blustering
Boris has always assumed Dave had his job. Et Tu, Boris?


Fashionistas

During Prime Minister’s Questions, a heckler shouted "ask your mother!" after
Labour ‘leader’ Jeremy Corbyn questioned CallMeDave on his callous NHS cuts.
It wasn’t simply a crude fingers up remark, it was in reference to Dave’s mum
signing that anti-cuts petition. Dave went for the fashion jugular, naturally: "I’ll
ask my mother. Oh, I think I know what my mother would say, I think she’d look
across the dispatch box and she’d say put on a proper suit, do up your tie and
sing the national anthem." Hysterical hilarity from the Tories. How old are they?
Collectively 12? 10?

The comments rolled off a duck’s back, if the duck were wearing the same old
smelly beige-ish jacket that is. JC has stood in the anti-fashion side since the
80's. Or was it the 70’s? Early on he was quite the fashionista in his smart(ish)
colourful outfits.

There is a new video showing JC saying Dave is jealous because Corbyn can
buy his clothes off the rack on London's Holloway Road, while Dave is "stuck
with Bond Street". Quelle horreur! Beautifully-made, high-quality bespoke suits.
Jealous? The man is truly deluded.


Strike Back

Oh no. Say it isn’t so. Staff at Kensington Palace have threatened to strike. Mon
dieu! Has anyone dared to tell Ex-Waity? She will not be best pleased and we
know how – um, tough - she is with the staff.

The palace employees are afraid that they could lose up to £3,000 potentially
placing their earnings below the living wage.

Oh, no worries. It’s only the workers threatening to strike who include those
looking after exhibits, giving visitors tours or managing the ticket offices. Many
have worked at the palace for more than a decade. Well, that’s a relief. Not the
staff who serve the royals then.

A staff member potentially affected by the cuts told
The Times: "It's in the
contract that they can cut the London living allowance and they're also cutting
the starting times in the morning and the finishing times. I'll miss it if I have to go
but I just couldn't carry on working here if it goes ahead."

Surely you remember that the serfs rebelled last year at Windsor Castle when
they threatened to strike after they were given additional duties without a pay
raise. Once a serf, always a serf. Oh oops. Except if you’re Ex-Waity that is.


We Can Be Heroes, Just for One Day     

OK. I’m feeling compelled to comment on the boring Brit Awards. I know, I know.
Forgotten already, but Coldplay winning anything? Ever? Really? Seriously
really? The desperate Chris Martin desperately trying to be part of the gang –
any gang, to be liked, loved, talented. All not. And Rihanna twerking with Drake.
Yawn. Yawn. Ew. So over, Rihanna (yes, I know…). Too many too
technologically enhanced borderline-talented trying way too hard. Thank god for
The Weekdn. However, I needed to listen to Victor & the Rain Dog for a musical
reality check. Quel soulagement.
Shattered if you need to know. Wait. £24,000
for a ticket to see Adele? Utter madness regardless of how much you love her.


Election 2016

You seriously couldn’t make this stuff up, even if you were writing a comedy –
or possibly a tragedy. Poll numbers revealed that nearly half the Republicans
who voted in South Carolina were in support of total Muslim deportation. Thus
the Donald subsequently secured 47 percent of that vote. A new poll suggests
that nearly 20% of Trump voters long for the Confederacy. I know. But it is true.
These ‘Make America Great  Again’ voters believe it was not a good idea to free
the slaves in the Southern states following the Civil War. Lovely. And just when
you say it’s the Trump devotees who are reactionary racists, 5% of Rubio’s
voters hold the very same view. They also want to ban gays and lesbians from
entering the country.

Curiously pundits everywhere go on and on about Trump (and his equally
repulsive fellow candidates) but no one seems to notice it’s not just ‘the hair
stupid’, it’s ‘the people, stupid’ – who are in fact – stupid.
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