LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
21 February 2013
Be Nice Now

Did you read it? Neither did I, nor did the tabloids or clearly PM CallMeDave.

That 11 page lecture given by historical author, Hilary Mantel. Mantel delivered
the London Review of Books lecture
Royal Bodies at the British Museum
detailing nobles and queens from the Tudor period to the present, assessing
each by their appearance and fertility. Yet she dared to seemingly undermine
the utter perfection of Ex-Waity.

Mantel, who studied law, author of more than a dozen books, received the
Costa Book Of The Year Award, is the first woman to be a double Man Booker
Prize winner who has suffered with her own devastating health problems has
receive vicious criticism regarding her chipped front teeth - which look rather
charming - and that was the least offensive response to her view of royal
women. It's surprising CallMeDave didn't have her thrown into The Tower after
Mantel's "rather misguided remarks" about "Princess Kate"...yes, "Princess
Kate"...really.

Ex-Waity
is a totally blank canvas (ignoring the revealing recent portrait),
seemingly robotic with a very limited repertoire. Pretty, too much hair, way too
thin, fond of middle-aged dressing, showing off her newly whitened teeth in a
practiced smile, rarely speaking in her new royal accent. At her first public
outing by consent this week she told the charity boss of Action on Addiction:
"It's so nice to be here again - and such a nice morning." How nice.

Mantel said: "They have to be nice to everyone. They are probably stupefyingly
bored but they can’t appear to be having anything other than a nice time."

Inane and endlessly irritating presenter Lauren Laverne ‏@laurenlaverne
Tweeted: 'I mean, I know she won that Booker and everything but if you can't
say anything nice... #Mantel

The perfect 'little woman' - okay, 'little duchess' - okay 'little queen-in-waiting'.
The ultimate misogyny: a woman who acts obediently, who threatens no one,
who will never get her tongue pierced (Zara), use her connections to further her
career (Sophie), tell the press to 'fuck off' (Anne), to drink (Queen Mother), to
be independent (Diana). The perfect Stepford Wife. She's had 15 years of
practice.

'Born to breed' whose ‘only point and purpose was to give birth'. A 'plastic
princess' according to Mantel, 'bland' and 'machine made' with 'a plastic smile',
'designed by committee'. This was the point really. The 5,000 word essay was
basically drawing attention to the royal stratagem. Mantel said the Duchess
seemed capable of “going from perfect bride to perfect mother, with no messy
deviation” and that female Royals were "at the most basic... breeding stock,
collections of organs" and that Ex-Waity had been perceived as having “no
personality of her own, entirely defined by what she wore”.

A spokesman for Mantel said the speech was not a criticism but “remarkably
sympathetic”, with Mantel speaking about female royals as victims. “It is a piece
about appearance. It’s about being trapped. It's about the performance, how
the institution of royalty has to project and how it comes across.”

With the brilliantly inventive, eccentric London Fashion Week featuring fab, fun
clothes coming to an end...and Ex-Waity still in one of those uninspired little
print dresses. Nice.
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