|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
10 February 2017
Oops Becks: not the ‘c’ word. And I don’t mean charity or cat (as in out of the
bag). Did we really have to know how you felt about not getting a knighthood for
all your charity work? Actually, according to Popbitch, we didn’t. Oh dear, oh
The attack on Simon Oliveira's emails at Doyen Global was a small part of a
wider attack on the parent company, Doyen Sports. Those leaking the emails
are trying to blow the whistle on the dodgy web of financial deal-making that is
starting to strangle football. Shock, horror! Beckham? Not the target. Now
doesn't that make it so much worse? What it does is the fact that David would
want to join the knighthood club where ‘Sir’ Philip Green is a member. Ew.
From other sources, the hacker calling himself, Artem Lobusov, has demanded
up to £1million to destroy the emails. Becks is said to have amassed at least
David was ‘red flagged’ by HM Revenue & Customs when his name was put
forward for a knighthood in 2013; he had invested £1m-£2m in a scheme that
HMRC said amounted to tax avoidance. As you do. But do you pay £7.9m in
Naturally the investment firm maintains it had government approval. David hopes
a court action can absolve him. Oh it’s not pretty is it? The investment? In the
British film industry, enabling members to write off any losses against their other
income. See. Yet another worthy cause – well, not exactly. We’ll just have to
assume everybody has private rant-emails. Hmmm. Still….
What Theresa Did Next
Oh Theresa, Theresa. Not another week of duplicity. Just when you have
manipulated the hard-Brexit solution and surely jumped up and down in your
kitten heels – at home of course, with curtains closed of course.
Must we list a few? I fear we do. OK. Just briefly. Our church-going
compassionate Conservative has reduced the number of lone child refugees
who can be let into the UK from a promised 3,000-3,500 to a mere 350. Inspired
by her new best friend: Keep those immigrants out! They are terrorists! Children
What is it about the Tories and that number? Remember the £350m promised to
the NHS that can be considered ‘false news’? A code? OK. Too conspiracy-ish.
It would be diverting to contemplate, if the government wasn’t so appalling. But it
And that £350m a week extra for NHS? Clue: every single Tory MP who rode
around in that Brexit bus voted against the NHS amendment. Every single one.
Let’s name them: Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Iain Duncan Smith, Priti Patel,
Andrea Leadsom and Liam Fox. Some of our favourites.
And what did Theresa do next? She has been accused of – alright, caught out -
doing a ‘sweetheart deal’ with Surrey Conservative council to stop them raising
council tax by 15 per cent. One of the richest areas of the country. ‘Sweetheart’
somehow just doesn’t work with Theresa does it - but secretive does or shady or
sneaky or …
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn produced the leaked texts, and surprise, surprise,
the Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt and the Chancellor Philip Hammond both
represented constituencies in the county. Suggestion: a rant would be good
And Article 50 amendments? Oh right. That. Well, Tories and Labour MPs all
pathetically acquiesced. Appalling, pathetic cowards all of them. Exceptions:
Obviously Clive Lewis who has plans to replace Corbyn (?), Anna Soubry, Ken
Clarke, Heidi Allen, Andrew Tyrie, Claire Perry, Bob Neill all stood up for their
principles. Principles? Now why would we expect our elected representatives to
have principles? Ha.
"I personally shall be voting with my conscience content in this vote," Ken Clarke
told the Commons last week. "When we see what unfolds hereafter as we leave
the European Union I hope the consciences of other members of parliament
may remain equally content." Don’t hold your breath.
Let’s wave all our ethical, conscience-driven MPs off on their European half-
term holidays… Adiós! Addio! Au revoir! Enjoy yourselves. Oh we know you will.
I’m Losing the Will to Live – Again
Why are parents now reverting to 1950’s parenting? First they have collectively
decided musical instruments have innate genders. “Don’t touch that trumpet! It’s
for boys only! You can play the harp. It’s a girl’s instrument.” Who are these
people? More than 2,000 people were surveyed – commissioned by the Royal
Albert Hall no less. Fewer than 2 per cent actually believed a man would ever
pluck those harp strings and no woman would place her delicate little lips on a
manly trumpet mouthpiece. Brass instruments were exclusively for men. Really?
And they would think this because? String instruments? Guess. Played by
women. Only 3 per cent surveyed saw the violin as a masculine instrument.
The director of events at the Royal Albert Hall, Lucy Noble said: “I see it all the
time. Brass sections within orchestras are always heavily male, equally the string
are generally women…we consciously or not (I’m thinking consciously) guide
our children toward a ‘type’ of instrument – and it’s wrong.” So wrong! I’m not
mentioning famous musicians who play the wrong instruments; it would be a
mute point, wouldn’t it?
Worse, parents are also pressuring their little princesses dressed in pink to drop
science, technology, engineering, maths. And the alternatives? Dog walking, nail
bars, waiting for the prince? 52 per cent of ignorant parents, 57 per cent of
‘unconscious’ teachers believe this. The numbers? 8,500 in Ireland and the UK
took the survey. The parents were afraid their precious daughters would take
‘male’ jobs later. The ‘male’ jobs that offer satisfaction as well as financial
rewards, outlets for their creativity, innovation, intelligence, logic, originality
Clearly the parents aren’t listening to their children. 50 per cent unbrainwashed
seven to eleven-year-olds found the subjects fun and enjoyed them. Oh no. Fun?
Surely only boys are allowed to have fun. The eleven to fourteen age group
dropped to 31 per cent for maths and 36 for computer science. Will the situation
get worse? Really. Consider all those essential nail bars, five to eight on every
high street block. Let’s not force them to challenge their little brains. Rosalind
Franklin, Ada Lovelace, ad inf should be screaming from their graves.