|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
4 April 2013
Pronunciation (approved cut glass accent) to his newly acquired
Estuarine accent. Oh George. Drinking a cup of tea at supermarket
Morrison's distribution centre, GO was there to share his elitist position on
his Dickensian benefits reforms.
we've'ad'a... ad nauseum. An abscence of 'ts', replaced by 'ds', dropping
the 'gs' in 'ing'. Oh George.
Public speaking expert Caroline Goyder has trained news presenters,
barristers, MPs. She is writing a book on the importance of voice in
power: “It is completely different to any speech I’ve heard him make
before. There are tensions even within the speech - when he’s speaking
the speech-writer’s words he gets uncomfortable and falls into this
Estuarine accent because he’s not comfortable with the message and the
policy. It’s was fascinating to watch.”
His voice still remains annoyingly high-pitched regardless of his attempts
to exude authority by trying to lower it.
GO has not only altered his accent (which seems quite American - the
use of 'ds' rather than 'ts'), he has gone all American monosyllabic.
American pollster whose speciality is political phrasemaking, Frank Luntz,
was invited by GO to inspire Tory MPs at an away-day to keep it simple:
use small words. Keep it simple, keep people simple and stupid. After all,
wadda they know anyways....
With 7 new classes replacing the traditional 3, where oh where do we put
Spectator: "Back home in London after my Alpine challenges, I can now
pursue less demanding hobbies in my spare time, such as ping-pong.
I’m informed (how la di da) that Boris Johnson, former editor of this
magazine, wants to be ‘whiff-whaff’ world king even more than he wants to
be prime minister. (Cue tittering)
I’m also told the Johnsons are almost as competitive as the Middletons. So
I’d like to lay down a challenge to the Mayor.
My only stipulation is that I can use my favourite Dunlop Blackstorm
Nemesis bat, which I used when I played in the Milton Keynes U13
National Championships, don’t you know. Bring it on, Boris."
If she beats Boris, will she offer to teach him how to make ice cubes or
suggest candles for a birthday party?
Sporty (ie thick) Pippa isn't satisfied having reduced the numbers of
Waitrose customers with her silly articles in their monthly magazine, she's
determined to cash in on as much publicity and attention as she can
create before 'the baby' is born and Pippa is left asking everyone who will
listen: 'does my bum look good in this?'
mattress, the lift in need of repair and loads of scary killer dogs.
He knows "what it is like to live on the breadline." Breadline? Did IDS
mean queuing at Gail's or Paul's for a £5 loaf? That reduces his weekly
allowance to £48 for the trebled utilities/transport/food. Basically £7 a day
- or two cafe lattes - unless he spends a bit of his £134,565 yearly salary
putting his money where his mouth is.
courts and a swimming pool until he is dragged out.
Alex Hern in the New Statesman revealed IDS's parliamentary expenses:
£110 on a Bluetooth headset for his car, £12.42 on a USB cable. Writes
Hern: "His monthly phone bill has been over £53 every month in the latest
financial year, so that's another week each month he can't eat, travel, heat
his house or really do anything." Not exactly fool proof.
“It's never permitted to be surprised at the aberrations of born fools,”