LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
4 April 2014
Oh Those April Fools


It’s all a bit of theatre. Not that Culture Secretary Maria Miller would know. The
Secretary wouldn’t know culture it ran up and bit her on the bum. Ah. Now that's
theatre.

Has MM ever been seen in a museum, gallery, theatre? Unless in costume,
incognito in the middle of the night.  But she knows benefit schemes (and
scheming) like the cash in her bank account. Wait. Isn’t that our cash?

She claimed her London second home mortgage as an expense for us to pay.
She sold her house for £1.47 million. She claimed £90,000 but was
only
allowed £45,000. So then we could have lived there as well? Oh right. Her
parents lived there. As housekeepers? Tenants? Paying guests? Squatters?

Welfare benefit cheats would be in prison. PM CallMeDave said he wanted to
end the “something for nothing”
culture. Oh dear. Did Dave actually say
culture? For someone who has no books in his house...the word preference is
rather paradoxical. CMD has stated Miller “was cleared of the original allegation
made against her”. Not exactly Dave.

MM lied, did everything to thwart the course of justice regarding investigations,
had her special adviser threaten journalists not to ask questions about her
expenses, was involved in the future of press regulation, will pay a pittance and
ultimately did a pompous, perfunctory apology for getting caught out.

Will she be getting legal aid? Oh oops. That’s been axed by Dave. What will she
do? CMD doesn’t want to axe her because he only has four women in the
cabinet and he is desperate for the female vote.

Good luck, Dave. 80% of your voting public want her sacked. “We will clean up
the mess of expenses.” You said it, Dave. Over and over and over again.
                                              
                               
***

Princess Anne, who clearly can’t be sacked, but can be put in a sack, has
suggested gassing badgers.

The Environment Agency has been unsuccessfully shooting them.
Unsuccessful regarding the cost of £4000 per furry body - leaving them to
suffer for at least 5 minutes if not longer – ineffectual at culling and preventing
the spread of tuberculosis in cattle. Not only is PA’s opinion controversial, so is
the cull which has proven to be a total bloody mess. Surprise. Surprise.

PA wants infected (how is that determined exactly?) animals to be gassed with
cyanide, outlawed in 1982. Hmmm. She does seem at times to be a bit – retro.
Perhaps it’s the hair...circa 1890?

Fiercely formidable, perpetually practical, ceaseless charity sponsor Princess
Anne’s views are not shared by Professor Rosie Woodroffe who has
conducted a 10-year trial of badger culls. Professor Woodroffe said gassing
badgers failed to control the spread of TB when it was tried in the 1970s and
proved to be so inhumane it had to be banned.

Professor Woodroffe has proposed vaccinations: "It is not necessarily
[expensive] … there are hundreds of wildlife lovers willing to do it for free. It is
cheaper than culling...and people will come forward offering to help to do it...It
is very promising.”

The blood sport has been abandoned due to it being a total debacle by the
government. What. Again?

                               
***

We suffered through two angry cats in a sack when the Nick ‘n Nigel Show
took place as an excuse for a political debate.

It was the Nick ‘n Nige shouting show. Nick should have won for superior
shouting, but Nigel won for outburst shouting.

68%, 69% viewed Nigel as the winner. Winner of what exactly? Lambasting his
own, ie; the rich? Stockbroker son of a stockbroker told us that life was easy
for the servant-filled houses of the middle class. So Nige is servant-free then?
He surely does his own cleaning as the new populous man in a pink pinny.
Right.

Ex-stockbroker-adulterer-Putin admirer-beer swilling-got a fag-tax manipulating-
bully. Possibly mad, obsessive – definitely rude. Attractive, clever, honest,
altruistic he isn’t.

But all I can do is have words with myself: turtle, parrot, frog, cartoon. What
does he look like? Hopefully not like a winner.
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