LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
1 November 2011
1. Only 49%

It’s a 49% pay rise this year for FSTE 100 top echelon. Not enough? No
worries; their accountants know every tax loophole in every avarice -friendly
country.

“We’ll leave London if you attempt to make any changes in the way we accrue
our annual fortunes.” Promises, promises. With houses, private jets, yachts,
islands – do they even live here for more than 2 days a week, a month?

‘Pay for performance’, ‘money attracts the best talents’...merely more ploys. As
admitted by at least one banker, the system for success is set in place so that
any grey suit can fill the position – brains not required – although greed is good.
It would be quite interesting if a few of the over-privileged over-paid spoke up
against the obvious inequalities or perhaps pitched a bespoke tent outside St
Paul’s in acknowledgement of the inequity they have perpetuated. Clearly I am
deluded.


2. SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

‘They’re posh in posh tents...They don’t sleep in their tents, but in their cosy
beds at home...They’re drinking caramel frappuccinos  and praline mochas
from Starbucks...They’re blocking the entrance to all those paying tourists’.

All this posturing is more power play than protest; the rich/powerful capitalists
vs the anti-capitalists anarchists. Obviously The Corporation of London, which
owns the land the 224 tents occupy, has been instrumental in involving the
media, health and safety, CallMeDave and the church to discredit the
legitimacy of the protesters. Clearly they are ignoring the camel, the eye of the
needle, the kingdom of heaven and those greedy rich bastards who can’t get in.
Perhaps they assume they can still buy penance – and rightly so.

Church of England vicar Peter Owen-Jones pointed out that “St Paul was by
profession a tent-maker. He was also a Roman citizen, which gave him access
to a certain degree of ‘diplomatic immunity’ when he needed it.” Who knew?

PM CallMeDave thinks “We need to look at this whole area” of pitching tents
wherever and whenever...disrupting the capital. Kit Malthouse, who chairs the
Metropolitan Police Authority, wanted to use ‘high powered sprinklers’ at 3-4
AM (in Parliament Square for example) to discourage activists from camping in
public areas. “I’ve always been concerned about the state of the grass, which
can get very dry (what?). We don’t want any more of these things [sic]
springing up. I do not recognise that as a legitimate protest.” Dry grass...dry
grass...indeed.

While friend of Prince Charles, the Bishop of London Dr Richard Chartres,
“We don’t want any violence” digs in, the Canon Chancellor Dr Giles Fraser
resigned followed by the Dean the Right Reverend Graeme Knowles, the most
senior dean in the country, Christian activists promised to protect the lay
activists by a protective ring of prayer if the police attempt to evict them. But the
City of London and the Chapter (the church’s inner circle) have backed down
and will not create a riot by reneging on their invitation to the tenters to find
solace at St Paul’s – temporarily. They have commissioned god’s investment
banker Ken Costa Chairman of Alpha (fanatical hair-shirt promoting course)
International, to head an initiative "reconnecting the financial with the ethical".
Perhaps he’ll send out velvet robed clerics to pass out donation envelopes. After
all, the church has lost thousands of pounds and better to get Occupy London
protesters to empty their pockets than use threatening litigation against them as
the church hierarchy have considered.

Finally the usually loquaciously opinionated Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr
Rowan Williams, has called for a 'Robin Hood' tax on financial transactions after
hiding away at a Vatican conference on ‘peace and justice’ while the dispute
carried on. Really.

What would Jesus do? the protesters have asked. Invite them in for tea and
scones? Warmth? Sheltering from the storm? Singing in the choir? Bible
readings? Naps on pews? But no...no room at the enormous inn. Practice
Christian charity you would think but as many of the Cathedral’s board are
senior figures in the City, don’t count on it. So it isn’t so inappropriate for
Occupy London anti-capitalists to be protesting outside St Paul’s after all with
the City and the church acting as one intertwined entity. Makes one’s heart
sing....


3. GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN

Hear ye, hear ye! Royalty modernises by acquiescing to gender equality and
marrying a Catholic.

The queen actually gave her rarely delivered opinion: the untapped potential of
women and girls should be set free and “it encourages us to find ways to allow
all girls and women to play their full part. We must continue to strive in our own
countries and across the Commonwealth to promote the theme in lasting way
beyond this year” [this year the theme being Women as Agents of Change].

Royal success laws date back 300 years, male primogeniture rules are rooted
in the Norman tradition...the 1689 Bill of Rights and Coronation Oath Act of
1688, the 1701 Act of Settlement and the 1706 Act of Union with Scotland must
be brought into the 21st century.

PM CallMeDave weighed in with his esteemed opinion: this history is “outdated
and wrong” in his attempt to seduce the non-existent women’s vote. Sorry Dave.
So obvious.

Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Jamaica, Belize,  Bermuda,, the Bahamas,
Barbados, Grenada, St Christopher, Nevis, St Lucia, the Solomon Islands,
Tuvalu, St Vincent, the Grenadines, Papua New Guinea have all agreed without
heads rolling or put on poles.

No more little princesses. Finally brain-washed little girls can carry those silly
handbags but now they can dress like queens – well, perhaps not the present
queen – instead of those pink tutus.
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