LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
29 September 2012
1215 and Counting

DAVE: We have a surprise for you, Mr Prime Minister.

CALLMEDAVE: Oh dear. Not Boris. Tell me you don't have Boris backstage.  
And you can call me Dave, Dave.

DAVE: OK Dave. No Boris. Although we certainly had a enjoyable time with him
and his hair. Do you like his hair, Dave? Will it prevent him from taking your
place in the next Tory party election, Dave, or win him votes? Is that why yer
here, Dave?

CALLMEDAVE: Ha. No Dave. Ha, ha, ha. I'm here to sell you guys on brilliant
Britain.

DAVE: He beat you, Dave. He's already done that on that very sofa. I know you
were in PR before you became Prime Minister. So sell it to us, Dave, but keep
in mind that it's like this. We're the greatest country on earth because we beat
ya - that little war we had....

CALLMEDAVE: Ah yes. That revolt.

DAVE: And now we have the biggest military-industrial complex in the world.
Impressive wouldn't ya say? You know, as someone representing that little
island that once ruled the waves. Rule, Britannia! We rule now, Dave. Sharing
nostalgic moments here, Dave.

CALLMEDAVE: Erm. We still have the Commonwealth countries.

DAVE: Yer quite the jokester aren't you. Now for a few history questions. Sit up
straight. This could be a big challenge for you, Dave. Boris will be watching.
Dave.

The Late Show's David Letterman did his best to do his 'one-upsmanship' shtick
- as you do when you are a not very funny host and the show is all about you.
He seems to have won the contest.  Eton/Oxford educated CallMeDave clearly
wasn't paying attention during his Latin classes when asked to translate the
obvious Magna Carta. Not good at all. M-a-g-n-a...seriously, CMD. Dimmer
than we thought or playing down his poshness; a pleb after all. I think not.

CMD promised he'd never say: "I'm David Cameron and I approve this
message." Yet another broken promise....


Lost and Found

Tabloid headline: 'France Abandoned Megan'. OFGS. A minimum of 274
articles in one week. 15 year old school girl runs away with her 30 year old
married maths teacher to France. Sacré bleu!

This adventure has had more coverage than Ex-Waity's daily dress changes -
or undressing. And that is quite a triumph.

There was never a doubt regarding Megan's well-being, welfare, simply a
desperate attempt to sell papers - oh not that the news channels didn't have
nearly minute to minute updates. Parents pleading and weeping on camera,
psychologists lined up for interviews.

Remember or imagine the mind/emotions of a 15 year old. Here's a reminder.
Some of the 50 things to do on Megan's 'bucket list':
8. Find a four leaved clover
15. Be on the cover of a magazine
22. Go to a fashion show
28. Complete a scrapbook
37. Meet Lindsay Lohan
41. Dye my hair blue
44. Get my nose pierced
42. Host Saturday Night Live
50. Fall in love

Number 50 was crossed out; number 15 to follow.

Clearly her teacher had a different list. All you have to ask is: what 30 year old
man responsible for the tutelage of teenage children and married flees the
country for a life on the run with an underage pupil? Strange... smarmy...
stupid... sinister...?

We'll have weeks more of this coverage. Where's my remote.
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