|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
23 March 2019
|Wave the Blue Flag
BREXIT MEANS CULTURAL DEMENTIA… CAN’T LIVE IF LIVING IS WITHOUT
EU…BREXIT IS WORSE THAN YOUR DANCING…NEVER GONNA GIVE EU
UP… ALL EU NEED IS LOVE…RIP BREXIT, DIED OF ITS OWN
CONTRADICTIONS, THERE WAS NO PLAN B.
Justine Greene, Anna Soubry, David Lammy, Tom Watson, Nicola Sturgeon
expressing the ‘people’s vote’ while masses of European blue flags waved. OK.
Tom was initially booed, but otherwise masses of children and dogs, families and
friends adding up to two million filling the London streets. Did I mention there
was dancing in the streets? Not that this march will have any effect. And JC?
Remember him? And how did the BBC add up the numbers? They just couldn’t
say the ‘m’ word. Disgraceful. The police have said nearly two million in the
central of London!
Remember when one million of us protested the Iraq war? Evidently the Bush
boy snapped at Tony Blair “I hope you’ve got enough cojones!” George Bush
then outlined his planned bombardment of Iraq to Tony: “I’m gonna (loved it) kick
ass! (even more)”. As for the million protesters, Tony said the protest was
“misguided”. Right. Still, the placards were brilliant.
The Blame Game
In a contest as to who is the most immature, who does the blame game the best,
JC or TM? Tricky isn’t it? Who will win on the playground? Jezza walked out of
Theresa’s Brexit crisis meeting over the Chuka invite. When he saw Chuka
Umunna, he turned and ‘marched out’. Vince Cable said: “That is rather a
strange way to behave in a national crisis.” Oh look. Is that JC in his Lenin cap
pulled down - hiding in his shed?
Chuka said: “It’s really extraordinary behaviour for the Leader of the Opposition
to behave in really this kind of very juvenile way when the moment demands that
we all step up…he will have to explain his action.” Ha. Oh no he won’t. Not
Jezza, who never explains anything.
Wait. Perhaps JC can hide in his shed for days at a time. Senior members of
the shadow cabinet have said they understand that JC would like to step down
as leader. “He’s tired and fed up.” “Corbyn is ready to step down. He wants to
step down.” And official Labour? “Somebody has been eating too much cheese,
or something harder.” Wait. Come on now: “huh”? Cheese? Cheese? Did we
know you could get high from eating cheese? What about ‘hard’ cheese? “He’s
the person that (sic) walks up the stairs instead of taking the lift.” Surely not
because there would people in it? People who could ask him – goodness me –
questions! And all those long naps then? Hmm.
Oh let’s not forget Theresa’s impressive maturity. Yes, back to that. And her
latest behaviour? All together now: “Staggering!” It is so hard to decide if she is
truly mad, thick, manipulative, calculating, delusional, un-hinged, puerile or a
Remainer genius. OK. Cancel the last.
A Week is a Long Time in Politics
Well, according to ‘sources’ she is determined to leave without a deal. Both The
FT and Guardian picked up recent indications yesterday that Theresa really is
ready to go down the no-deal route. Help! No really. How many times, from how
many politicians, economists, ad inf do we have to hear saying that no-deal is
the very worst possible deal? The very worst.
Surely there is something ‘not quite right’ with her. Oh, not just her lack of
personality, empathy, charm – those human traits – but her lack of judgement
and any hint at logic is just catastrophically confounding. She is clearly
presuming she herself is an experiment in political Teflon. This utter farce is not
her fault. Was that an enormous gasp when she said that?
The woman who once made changing ‘the nasty party’ her political mission is
now the nasty PM. We know the MPs are. No.10 and the Chief Whip. Julian
Smith complained to MPs that he found Theresa’s telly outburst “appalling”. "She
just won't listen to us,” he said. Theresa told one MP who carefully broached the
subject of her resignation: “No one else has suggested this to me”. That’s
because she has that curious characteristic of not listening. Except to Phil –
assuming. Dominic Grieve said he had “never been more ashamed to be a
And he’s not the only one. Senior ministers agreed that Theresa must announce
she is standing down as she has become “a toxic and erratic figure whose
judgment has gone haywire”. Not exactly subtle. They are pressed up against
the windows, queuing at the door to remove Theresa. Oh and there is Mikey
brandishing a knife to get to the front of the queue. Only Phil is persuading her
to continue. She has been given 10 days, if the mob doesn’t tie and gag her
which really seems imminent. The Cabinet coup has begun…hours to go….
Wait. Headache alert. A cross-party group of parliamentarians is evidently
examining the possibility of cancelling the Brexit process. Wait. Due to concerns
that Theresa could end up backing Tory MPs no-deal if her own withdrawal
agreement is rejected again.
However. Take note on the votes. Fleetstreet Fox reminds us: “Passing any laws
under any circumstances in just 40 days - for debates in both the Commons and
Lords, committee stages for detailed scrutiny, and several votes… On top of
that, no deal requires 60 new processes, 25 new IT systems, a "mega-bill" of 17
new laws to be passed by the Irish government, and - oh dear - all 600 of those
statutory instruments to have been filed, read, and approved by MPs. Not going
to happen, is it? Not in 40 days.”
Done deal. Not.
Back to her desire no-deal stratagem. The armed forces have activated
Operation Yellowhammer, the no-deal emergency programme. A team in a
nuclear-proof bunker under the Ministry of Defence as the government prepares
leaving the EU without a deal. Really. MPs are increasingly having threats to
their personal safety. Evidently Theresa is well aware of this – the death threats.
MP Wes Streeting said. “Her speech was incendiary and irresponsible. If any
harm comes to any of us, she will have to accept her share of responsibility.” Oh
dear oh dear. Uh oh. She and JC will be hiding in his shed together and that
won’t be pretty.
Anna Soubry can’t go home. Want to reread that? Last month The Independent
Group said she was facing “very, very serious death threats.” Yikes! “Very, very”
… Scary! The Deputy Commons Speaker has been telling MPs they should
share taxis home.
Please – sign the petition! We obviously need more than 17.4 million signatures.
Wake Up and Smell, then Pay for the Coffee
Surely you want to splash out on a coffee. Surely you want to spend more than
a fiver. What about £15 at Michelin-starred chef Alain Ducasse’s new London
café? It’s “delicious, rich, pungent and captivating”, according to one recent
review. Well I sure surely hope so.
“We offer great signature blends starting at £2.50 for espresso and £3.50 for
filter coffee, all the way up to rare single-origin coffees for connoisseurs. That’s
also the work of our team in Paris and in London, at Le Café at Coal Drops
Yard, to understand our clients’ expectations.” See. Now you must be
Possibly more than 125 million people around the world depend on coffee for
their livelihoods, with around 25 million smallholder farms producing 80% of the
world's coffee. And they make how much a day? Ducasse Paris currently
operates 32 restaurants in 7 countries. So that ‘single-origin coffee for
connoisseurs’ is available. Phew.
Being Party to Something
Journalists from the Sun, I know, I know, nevertheless say Carole Middleton’s
Party Pieces might be in trouble. And the clue? Sackings. Always a clue.
For starters the company’s web designer, PR agent and search engine
optimization expert. Gone. Not sounding good is it? An unnamed source told the
outlet that “there is a terrible air doom and gloom about the place.” Not a party
Those more on the inside than outside claimed that in recent months all those
celebratory pieces are only ordered as ordered. So no stocking the warehouse.
Not sounding good is it?
Another clue: last December there was no Christmas tree or festive decorations
in the office. Hang on. No Christmas!!! Really? Couldn’t the party pieces be
used for a – erm – party? Not good for partying-on morale surely. Three
warehouse workers were sacked just days before Christmas.
Surely we remember when Carole and Michael were accused of cashing in on –
oh everything ‘royal’, but more recently Meghan’s birthday. Now how did they do
that exactly? By promoting a banner with personalized message that read:
“Happy 18th Birthday Meghan” just in time. Subtle. Let’s not even mention all the
endless wedding tat. That wedding.
Oh, all right. More. The company was criticized again for selling a Princess
Diana zombie costume for Halloween. No need to do details really.
The party’s over? “We are in talks with some very exciting investors who believe
in our plans to grow the business.” With all that doom and gloom hovering?
Wonder how they will celebrate the imminent birth. Yes. That one.