LETTERS FROM LONDON
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
19 January 2019
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Plan B

No. Not Ben Drew. We wish, but the other Plan B. The risible, invisible one.
Theresa’s of course. Of course not. What Plan B? Oh the one she is planning to
reveal Monday. That one. Plan A. The party game continues….

“Phil. Put on Ground Hog Day again. I need some encouragement. Get the
popcorn and our matching onesies. Hurry.”

Ah Theresa, Theresa. What was the one word that has been used to describe
Theresa’s attitude, fate, situation, solutions, plan? You know: “catastrophic”!!!
followed by “shambolic!”, “extraordinary!”, “
worst since 1924!!!” Oh let’s add a
few more of those tedious rhetorical expressions for fun: “plus, plus, plus”…“no,
no, no!!!” “No-Brexit”, “no-deal”, “no referendum”. Sigh….

With 432 vs 202 the largest defeat for a sitting government in history we have
more of the “uncharted territory”, “ship wreck”, “cliff-edge”, “crisis”. However,
there are no words to adequately describe this government. None. And JC?
“Don’t interrupt me. I am bowing before my Marxist altar. Bring me one of my
Lenin caps. What? Brexit? Oh let Theresa get us the default no-Brexit. The EU
deserves it. Am I shouting loud enough?”

While German tabloid Bild’s headline ran: “Was für ein Brexshit!” No need to
translate really, however: “
What a Brexshit!” Mr Bean popped up on the front
page of Frankfurter Rundschau quoting Hamlet: “though this be madness, yet
there’s a method in it.” Ha. Not the Mr Bean bit, but ‘the method in it’ clearly. The
South China Morning Post said the Brexit deal was “basically dead.” And surely
they would know.

The Times said Britain is heading for “uncharted waters. The country should
brace itself for a prolonged period of chaos.” Getting depressed? Well The
Guardian’s Polly Toynbee is not going to cheer you up: “Let no one think it will
soon be over.
This is only the end of the beginning, in a Brexit civil war that will
last a generation.” Only one generation? I rather think more.

Stephen Bush political editor of the New Statesman reminded us that: “the Prime
Minister is a politician who is happy to say things that are demonstrably
untrue…May does it frequently and with great ease.” Ouch!

“May saying whatever it is she thinks she needs to
in order to get her way.”
Ooooouchhhh!!! There is more: “…belief that May is less than truthful is widely
shared at Westminster....” OK. Yikes!!!

Curiously the woman is totally robotic. She hasn’t blinked. She hasn’t noticed
any rejection at any time. She proceeds as if literally nothing has changed while
she has been obsessed with “Nothing has changed”…“My deal or no deal”. But
one detail does say it all:
the woman reads from a script!!! when she has a one-
on-one private meeting with one of her cabinet. Really!!! Now that must have
brought you back from indifference, apathy, a self-induced stupor.

Dare I quote Liam Fox? Lying Liam? Oh why not. The man always keeps his
promises to act like an idiot. On the Today programme, Liam Fox said of a no-
deal Brexit: “I don’t regard no deal as national suicide.” He also said it was
‘survivable’ and
better than Dunkirk. All right. It was his referencing Dunkirk that
immediately evokes the ROTFL emoji here. Do we even have to do Boris and his
serial lying? Clue: Turkey. Hair pulling emoji goes here. I know….

From Theresa’s “
Nothing has changed” playbook, JC’s fanatical inner circle
made up of Marxist Eurosceptics, Semus Milne and Andrew Murray are dug in
on one side living and fantasising about a socialist Utopia, ie; the Jeremy
Corbyn Show, while those fanatical Brexiteers on the other side are living and
fantasising about an empire Utopia. Clearly both living in other decades. And
this competition for who will win the award for the most obdurate, self-obsessed,
self-serving, out of touch with reality, country-destroying - feel free to add -
between JC and Theresa is just pathetic.

Last thought here. Finally. What was the first country on the list to be colonised
by England? Come on now. Clue: backstop. Brilliant! You got it. Ireland. So let’s
include Irish irony here: retribution. Oh where is that emoji….

A Safe House

Oh not again!? Not another trusted staff member quitting? Oh yes, again.
H&MM's personal protection officer waves goodbye. H&MM have only a small
network of staff and advisers to help them deal with work, security and
parenthood, and now one less. At least we haven’t had the usual justification:
‘she wants to spend more time with her family’.

The female (unnamed) bodyguard, described as “brilliant” by colleagues, was
with MM through her tour of Australia, Fiji, Tonga and New Zealand in the
autumn, but only lasted around six months. The bodyguard was evidently
working on enhanced security arrangements at Frogmore Cottage, the home
they have been banished to by the Queen. Hmm. Curious time to quit then. No?
And if
you haven’t been following, why would you really? Melissa Touabti, MM’s
personal assistant, also only lasted six months last year. At the time, the Daily
Mirror claimed that the demands of the job had left her “in tears”. Ex-Waity, little
Charlotte, Melissa. Oh dear. Who will be next? You will have to pay attention.
Really….

More? Oh yes. Harry and Meghan’s private secretary, Samantha Cohen, who
previously worked for the Queen, is expected to leave in late 2019 or 2020.
Hmm. Possibly early 2019? Do we know who is left – to quit?
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