|LETTERS FROM LONDON
|REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
22 June 2019
“Get off me! Get out!” That was Boris’ latest, Carrie Symonds. Followed by Boris
shouting “No!” followed by “get off my f***ing laptop!” Then a loud crashing
noise. Evidently Boris had spilt red wine on her sofa. “You just don’t care for
anything because you’re spoilt (rather like the sofa). You have no care for
money or anything!” You know the ‘breaking’ story involving neighbour alert,
police cars, a van, shouting, screams, repeated smashed dishes. Can you hear:
”it’s Boris being Boris”? Of course you can. Deafening.
People are accusing the Metropolitan Police of covering for Boris’ bellowing,
barking, whatever. Initially they denied that they had any record of a neighbour
calling them. According to the Guardian, it was only after the paper provided
information identifying the police vehicles and reference numbers that the Met
admitted attending the scene. Oops.
OK. Now back to reality.
Oh Theresa, Theresa. Please come back. All is forgiven. You’ve abandoned us
to pathetic idiots all pathetically vying for your crown and worse, now we will
have – oh I can barely write it – B..B..Boris – or now known to simply as ‘Al’.
We suffered through terminally boring middle-aged men displaying
manspreading prowess or was it more perched children on high stools – except
for the now defunct Rory who kept his feet on the ground. Metaphor anyone?
And the BBC? Oh please. Bias? Boring? All planned and not thought out? The
usual BBC shambles.
Prepared for even more reasons to open the window and scream, lose the will to
live, move to a remote uninhabited island – or any other options you can think
of. Ready? More than 50 per cent of Tory party’s membership simply don’t care
if Brexit destroys their precious party as well as their precious Britain. With 60
per cent willing to destroy the union, willing to wave good-bye to Scotland (63
per cent) and Northern Ireland 59 per cent. There’s more. Nearly 50 per cent
agree to Nige being their next leader. Augh! Wait! This according to YouGov’s
survey of Tory party members.
61 per cent ‘want’ “significant damage” to the economy, 54 per cent would
accept the end of the Tory party. No really. Willing to have their party “being
destroyed” to get their Brexit through. And Jezza? Where’s he in all this? Well,
where’s Jezza anyway? Shouldn’t that become a new game? Pub quiz
question? 39 per cent will accept JC as the next PM. Zots alors! That is serious
now. My god they are collectively insane!
Words of warning: Philip Hammond reminded Al aka Boris that he will have to
call a general election or a second referendum if MPs block the no-deal. “If the
new prime minister cannot end the deadlock in parliament, then he will have to
explore other democratic mechanisms to break the impasse. Because if he fails,
his job will be on the line – and so, too, will the jobs and prosperity of millions of
our fellow citizens.” Oh Boooorrrisss. Are you listening? Oh right. Clearly not.
You should because you already know the EU position: “No renegotiation of the
backstop and the U.K. must settle its financial obligations before any talks about
a future trade deal.” But you don’t actually, do you?
Another senior EU diplomat: “He's not a serious person, he can do what he
wants shamelessly, but this also means that he can change point of view even
very radically. It will be a lot of theatre." Oh this will be rather entertaining won’t
‘Skulduggery’? Really? More Machiavellian manipulation? Clue: Rory’s
inexplicable loss of his support – due to his tie removal? Oh these Tories are a
sinister, vicious lot. And Mikey? Ohhhh. His supporters have promised revenge.
“They think they have won this time, but just wait until we get them back.” ‘Back’?
not referencing the knife Mikey plunged into Boris’ back then? And Rory. Go
back to Labour; replace the pathetic Jezza – please.
There is a story regarding Boris’ hair. I know. Really? Evidently Boris thought he
would get that ‘new&improved’ haircut for free, and when told he had to cough
up an aide had to hand over the £15 plus a fiver tip. Nice. Rather like the Queen,
Boris doesn’t carry cash? Or does he simply expect his minions to take care of
the little people?
Close Up and Personal
Untrustworthy, incompetent, inconsistent, inadequate, entitled, cheap and
abusive. Boris? Yes. And - we had minister Mark Field grabbing a Greenpeace
climate protester dressed appropriately in a red evening gown, very roughly by
the neck and then proceeded to shove her out of the building during a black tie
event. Not pretty! Field now faces accusations of assault. When Jeremy Hunt
launched his campaign, what did ‘man’handling Mark do? Why he grabbed,
hugged and holding head in place, kissed JH’s wife on the lips. Ew. Clearly
Mark is not familiar (I know) with the words: please or may I or do I have your
permission or sorry or…. And those in the room? Rien. No response, no
reaction, no assistance offered. “Oh look. He’s strangling a woman.” “So?”
Reasons to be cheerful? ITV won’t commission all-male comedy writing teams in
future. Hmm. We will see. However, ITV has announced it will no longer
commission scripted comedies with all-male writing teams. The head of the
broadcaster’s comedy department Saskia Schuster, has said an audit revealed
“an awful lot” of all-male teams and a “significant lack” of women in writing
rooms. Too often the writing room can be aggressive and slightly bullying,”
Schuster has assigned young female writers to shadow shows such as Roman
sitcom Plebs, currently written by two men, Sam Leifer and Tom Basden. Time
for an audible cheer. Alongside changing ITV’s comedy contracts so that shows
“must aim towards 50:50 gender representation.” No tokenism, quotas then?
Schuster said that producers had complained “there aren’t any female writers
[or] we don’t know where to find them”, so she has also launched a free-to-use
database which has 460 female writers on the Comedy 50:50’s site.
“I’m aware that there’s a lot more that could be done, we haven’t even mentioned
female directors or crew, but to start with I’m keeping the focus small, and the
solutions practical, so that we can effect change quickly. But I hope this
endeavour will grow.” So does 51 per cent of the population.
It’s All in the Mind
For the first-ever researchers have successful created a mind-controlled robotic
arm exhibiting the ability to continuously track and follow a computer cursor.
The researchers have said that being able to noninvasively control robotic
devices using only thoughts will have broad applications. I am thinking that is an
understatement. This will clearly benefit paralyzed patients and those with
movement disorders. Amazing.
The Winner Takes All
Are we back to the split of the ‘Fab Four’ again!!?? with royal-loving journalists
and historians all rushing in to play down the major falling-out of Wills and Harry.
Didn’t do this already? Yes. We did. You know it’s all about their charity… blah,
We know Harry is aligning with MM’s mate Oprah. Oh dear oh dear. Not
desperate? Rather pathetic? Oprah? And plans for a US office? Hmm. Are we
thinking more money from us? Why exactly? Surely MM has an American bank
It’s also all about frocks and Instagram innit. The rival Instagram accounts:
W&Ex-W with 9.3 million followers, H&MM with 8.7 million. The race is on.
When was the Home Office ever fit for purpose? Well, their recent decision is
just so wrong it is appalling. Two blind (note here) musicians from India were
scheduled to take part in a two-week cultural exchange. OK so far. Set up by the
government. OK. The two musicians were rejected by the Home Office due to –
ready? – “economic and family circumstances”. Not OK
The Home Office were “not satisfied that you have sufficient ties in India that will
act as an incentive for you to leave the UK at the end of your trip.” They are
blind!!! They are part of a musical group! And their colleagues, not blind,
traveling with them to Glasgow? They were welcomed and granted entry.
The exchange had to be cancelled with a cost of £8,000 to the dance charity,
Paragon Music. A plague on all your houses. Now.